Artist: Painting is wearing me out. I think I’m ready to retire.
Sales associate: Artists do not retire. As a matter of fact, they are the only ones that do not retire.
Artist: Yeah, they just jump off a bridge or out of a window.
–New York Central Art Supply Store, 3rd Ave, between 10th & 11th St
Customer: Got anything to kill a mouse?
Clerk: Hammer!
Customer: Yeah, tried that.
–True Value Hardware Store, Carroll Gardens
Overheard by: I Prefer A Circular Saw
Four-year-old boy: Dad, if I die, when will I come back?
Father: As far as I know, you won't.
Four-year-old boy, untroubled, thoughtful: But…what if everyone dies?
Father: Well, other people will take their place. Because everyone doesn't die at once. Know what I mean?
Four-year-old boy: Where will we put mom if she dies?
Mother, just arriving: Good grief!
Father: In the ground. In a box in the ground.
–Barnes & Noble
Woman: I changed my ringtone to “In-a-Gadda-Da-Vida.”
Man: Really?
Woman: Yeah. [sings song]Man: That’s “Hava Nagila.”
–The Thing, Greenpoint, Brooklyn
Overheard by: sweetchuck
Guy #1: Wow, there’s a lot of weird stuff down here.
Guy #2: Yeah… this must be the “beyond” part.
–Bed Bath & Beyond, Chelsea
Dad: Katie! Katie! Where are you?
Little girl emerges.
Dad: What are you doing?! Never do that again. You know what happens when you walk away from Daddy? Some evil man comes and decides to take you and keep you forever.
–ABC Carpet, 19th & Broadway
Overheard by: hjane
Woman: I don’t know about this one, it’s not so Nebraska.
–Anthropology
Woman: Excuse me, where are the literary journals?
B&N Guy: Them’s over there.
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
White guy, feeling shirt material: This is nice. What kind of fabric is this shirt?
Black guy: It’s, uh… grey.
White guy: Grey? That shit’s not a material!
–Century 21
Cashier: Do you want your receipt?
Customer: Yeah, I guess. (pauses to read as she walks to the exit) I love it when my books cost less than my lunch!
–The Strand
Overheard by: Suzanne
