Middle Aged Woman: I’d like to get some hard salami, but I’d like to see it first.
Serious Deli Man: You would like to see my hard salami? [goes to get it and brings it out to show her]Woman: Is it very hard salami? How hard is the salami?
Serious Deli Man: Ma’am, I don’t think it is hard enough for you.
–Fairway Market
Overheard by: Jen
There is a Buddha statue on the counter.
Teen girl #1: Wow, she has weird nipples.
Teen girl #2: I think it’s a guy.
Teen boy: That’s Gandhi. Duh.
–99 cent store, Hylan Boulevard
Overheard by: Stacey Simon
Kid: Mom, where you at?
Mom: I’m right here, baby, and it’s not where you at, it’s where you is.
–Crowded store
Overheard by: spamandvikings
Woman on phone: So, should I continue not being a whore or should I go get an emergency Brazilian?
–Lexington Ave & 58th
Girl to friend: No, I can't do tomorrow afternoon. I am getting waxed for the weekend. Just in case.
–3rd Ave & 80th St
Salesgirl to customer: You so have an exfoliating face!
–Sephora, 57th & Lexington
Overheard by: Amanda
Creepy hobo on payphone: So, you're doing your nails? Mmmmmm…
–Bleecker & Thompson
Overheard by: Thompson
Girl with pounds of makeup on: Yeah, I'm going on lunch right now. I am so exhausted, I did five makeovers today. Yeah, I am so tired…I had a butch.
–Elevator, Macy's
Overheard by: K Melv
Thug: All I want is a mani-pedi.
–72nd & Central Park West
Overheard by: wb
Young thug to friends: Stop, stop, stop! Stop, seriously, stop. C'mon, I'm not kidding! Seriously. I have shoe phobia!
–Metro-North Rail
Guy with shoe in hand, catching up to woman who lost it: Here you go, Cinderella!
–Manhattan Mall
Overheard by: thorn
Manager of ladies' shoe store: It's easy to close. You put the hooker boots–all this hoochie stuff, with the hooker boots, you put the flats with the flats, you put the day shoes with the day shoes. Now, Narnia over there is another story…
–Macy's
Overheard by: Sarah R
Chick to guy: If you buy me Jimmy Choos, I'll have your baby.
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Lets hope she'll have the baby anyway…
Four-year-old girl stepping out of taxi: Mommy, can we go online to buy shoes today?
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: …wow.
Girl #1: I feel like shit. I shouldn’t have slept with that guy.
Girl #2: So what kind of sweater are we looking for?
Girl #1: Anything nice that proves how much I love him.
Girl #2: You should get him a white sweater. White is the color of remorse, I think.
Girl #1: But then he’ll understand I cheated on him. He might actually be suspicious already if I buy him a present without an apparent reason.
Girl #2: Just make him dinner then.
–Banana Republic, 5th Ave.
Girl on cell: So I told her I didn’t think George Washington was a cannibal.
–Barnes & Noble, Staten Island
Overheard by: Marina Tricorico
Asian girl to friend: You know, if he really likes you, he’d eat you.
–Coles Sports Center
Overheard by: Alice Huang
Hysterical woman screaming at cops: She bit me! I did not touch her!
–84th & Broadway
Overheard by: rachel
Dude: Remember that crazy condo lady? She totally ate my ass on the first date.
–Chelsea
20-something guy on cell: have you ever tasted pee before?! Word?!
–Spring & W Broadway
Three-year-old girl: Daddy, I’m eating your eyeballs!
–R Train
Overheard by: Jon A.
College intern hitting friend with magic wand: Naked Bitch with big titties.
Little kid: Is that a real magic wand?!
–FAO Schwartz
Guy on cell: In a wig, with his pants down, watching her from his car.
–33rd St, Astoria
Overheard by: Ferna
Teen to another: Barack Obama said, "pull your pants up!"
–Broadway & 72nd St
NYU girl: I wanna do it, and I wanna do it in my pants box.
–Weinstein Hall, NYU
Border's employee to man sleeping in chair: Sir, could you please wake up? …and also zip up your pants.
–Borders
Guy on phone: Well, I guess I thought you might be kind of gay after you invited me to that "no pants" party.
–Astoria
Clerk #1: Did you know that there are a whole bunch of copies of Atlas Shrugged in the Bestsellers section?
Clerk #2: Yeah.
Clerk #1: Is it okay if I pee on them?
–Info desk, Strand Bookstore
