Guy: Dude, you want to see my balls?
Roommate: [Silence.]Guy: I just shaved my balls.
Roommate: [Silence.]Guy: Dude, just touch my balls. They’re smooth, just touch them with your elbow.
Roommate: [Silence.]Guy: Ew! Dude, you just touched my balls with your elbow!
–Fordham University
NYU student: I feel like the professor didn’t scare me enough about the final exam y’know? So then, like, I didn’t get nervous enough, so then I didn’t study enough, so then I didn’t do well on it, y’know? So, like, it’s really my professor’s fault, y’know?
–Korean deli, 13th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Joseph O’Connell
Cop: Yeah, the open-book exam? I passed it on appeal.
–45th & Broadway
Guy on cell: … Fucked me, dude. Fucked me hard. Bent me over the desk and rammed a bluebook right up my ass. Sooo fuckin’ hard…
–Union Square
Guy: I should have studied for this final… But the tequila was so good!
–NYU Silver Center
Student to professor during final: Do you want us to use our intelligence or follow the instructions?
–Columbia University
Classmate #1: Whatever happened to Hitler? Is he, like, still alive?
Classmate #2: Have you not been paying attention?
–Museum of Jewish Heritage
Columbia boy: So, are you a vegetarian?
Columbia girl: Yeah, kinda. You?
Columbia boy: I’m a pescatarian.
Columbia girl: Yeah, that’s great. So, do you eat meat or not?
–116th & Broadway
Overheard by: merc
Obnoxious teen #1: Oh my god! You like her? She’s a whore!
Obnoxious teen #2: Ummm… She’s in my math class, you know. She’s really smart.
Obnoxious teen #1: Smart and a whore. That just means she won’t get an STD.
–Nail salon, Bleecker St
Overheard by: Samideluxe
Not-so-Renthead: Have you seen Rent?
Potential Renthead: Yeah.
Not-so-Renthead: I have that song stuck in my head.
Potential Renthead: Which one?
Not-so-Renthead: I don’t know. I think it’s the one… where he’s like… yelling at her. I don’t know the words.
–The New School
Overheard by: La Vie Boheme
Professor pointing at a slide of Andy Warhol’s Elvis and one of a giant mountain: Can anyone tell me what the similarities and differences of these two images are?
Student #1: The Warhol print is completely commercial, while the mountain is very natural.
Professor: Yes, that’s one way to see them. Anyone else?
Student #2: One’s a big rock, and one’s the king of rock.
Professor: I think we can all go home now.
–NYU
Overheard by: Addison
Student #1: Dude, she wasn’t even that fat.
Student #2: If she wasn’t ‘that fat,’ she wouldn’t have picked up and eaten the food after we threw it at her.
–Water polo match, Queens College
Overheard by: Jeff
Teacher: Where was the Battle of Saratoga fought?
Student #1: South America?
Student #2: No, you idiot, it’s in Russia!
–NYC High School
Bimbette #1: My brain hurts. That Chemistry test made me think too much.
Bimbette #2: Well, yeah. I mean, you were using it, and it is the largest muscle in the human body.
Bimbette #1: Oh, right.
Bimbette #2: Wait… Or is it the heart?
Bimbette #1: No, I think your brain is definitely bigger. But who cares, I just want to pop some Advil.
–NYU
Overheard by: Amateur Brain Cardiologist
