Asian kid #1: In my classes the teacher is always pairing me up with the other minorities. Just because I’m Asian doesn’t mean I speak all those languages, too.
Asian kid #2: I could close my eyes walking down the street and count to five and when I open them see at least one other Asian. We’re everywhere.
–LIRR
Russian guy on cell: I went to see Saw III. Best movie ever — the girl in front of me fainted in the beginning of the movie! Five minutes into the movie she just fainted, and her boyfriend started calling for help. I called an ambulance, they took her away… That movie was awesome!
–Brooklyn-bound Q train
Overenthusiastic male student: Oh! I met Borat! He goes to NYU, right?
–Hunter College
Guy to everyone in theater: Shhh, I’m recording this!
–Movie theater, Court St, Brooklyn
Blonde: Yeah, so I watch Brokeback Mountain like it’s my Bible. I hang on every word, ’cause I really want to know how gay people talk.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Stina
Guy on cell: 28 Days was just stupid. Zombies aren’t like that. Dawn of the Dead is the most realistic portrayal of zombies I’ve ever seen!
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Philip Niosi
Chick to hipsters: I did my first autopsy to The Wizard of Oz.
–The Village, near Mulberry
Overheard by: DC Diva
Student: You’re Jewish?
Professor: Yes.
Student: Where’s your hat?
Professor: What?
Student: Why do you guys all wear glasses?
–FIT
Student: I mean, I’m really bad at Geography. Like, what state is that?
Professor: Long Island.
–NYU
Overheard by: Lizanne
Guy: Dude, you want to see my balls?
Roommate: [Silence.]Guy: I just shaved my balls.
Roommate: [Silence.]Guy: Dude, just touch my balls. They’re smooth, just touch them with your elbow.
Roommate: [Silence.]Guy: Ew! Dude, you just touched my balls with your elbow!
–Fordham University
NYU student: I feel like the professor didn’t scare me enough about the final exam y’know? So then, like, I didn’t get nervous enough, so then I didn’t study enough, so then I didn’t do well on it, y’know? So, like, it’s really my professor’s fault, y’know?
–Korean deli, 13th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Joseph O’Connell
Cop: Yeah, the open-book exam? I passed it on appeal.
–45th & Broadway
Guy on cell: … Fucked me, dude. Fucked me hard. Bent me over the desk and rammed a bluebook right up my ass. Sooo fuckin’ hard…
–Union Square
Guy: I should have studied for this final… But the tequila was so good!
–NYU Silver Center
Student to professor during final: Do you want us to use our intelligence or follow the instructions?
–Columbia University
Classmate #1: Whatever happened to Hitler? Is he, like, still alive?
Classmate #2: Have you not been paying attention?
–Museum of Jewish Heritage
Columbia boy: So, are you a vegetarian?
Columbia girl: Yeah, kinda. You?
Columbia boy: I’m a pescatarian.
Columbia girl: Yeah, that’s great. So, do you eat meat or not?
–116th & Broadway
Overheard by: merc
Obnoxious teen #1: Oh my god! You like her? She’s a whore!
Obnoxious teen #2: Ummm… She’s in my math class, you know. She’s really smart.
Obnoxious teen #1: Smart and a whore. That just means she won’t get an STD.
–Nail salon, Bleecker St
Overheard by: Samideluxe
Not-so-Renthead: Have you seen Rent?
Potential Renthead: Yeah.
Not-so-Renthead: I have that song stuck in my head.
Potential Renthead: Which one?
Not-so-Renthead: I don’t know. I think it’s the one… where he’s like… yelling at her. I don’t know the words.
–The New School
Overheard by: La Vie Boheme
