Girl #1: Why do people get glass eyes? Can you see out of them?
Girl #2: No, I don’t think so.
Girl #1: Then what’s the point?
–34th St station
Girl #1: Why do people get glass eyes? Can you see out of them?
Girl #2: No, I don’t think so.
Girl #1: Then what’s the point?
–34th St station
Foreign tourist: Do you know if this train goes to Madison Square Garden?
MTA worker: Madison Square Garden? Whaaat? No… Madison Square Garden is in New York City. You’re in the wrong city, guys. [Foreign tourists look at each other, panicking.] Must have taken the wrong train gettin’ here, huh?
Foreign tourists hesitate, then run to catch up to MTA worker: How do we get back to New York?!
–Whitehall station
Overheard by: dan.j.w.
Hobo: Can I have some?
Teen eating apple: No.
Hobo: Thank you.
Teen: … Ow, my conscience.
–6 train station
Overheard by: Annie
Coworker #1: Is it just me, or are the rats in New York getting smaller? Seriously!
Coworker #2: Maybe you’re just getting bigger.
–D train platform, Rockefeller Center
Guy #1: I’ve been playing the guitar for years.
Guy #2: You play guitar like Bette Midler has sex.
Guy #1: Fuck you.
–86th & Lex platform
Overheard by: Mikey P.
Hobo: Excuse me, is this the Six Train?
Young guy: Yes.
Hobo: Thank you [urinates on rail].
–6 train platform, Astor Pl
Dude #1: Phew, it’s warm down here.
Dude #2: Yeah, we should blow on each other.
–Crowded platform, 59th St
Overheard by: Lillian
Little girl: Once upon a time, there were three little pigs, and their names were Elana, Jessica, and… And Daddy Midget.
Uncle: That best not be me.
Man: You the daddy?
Uncle: Naw, I’m the uncle. But I’m the only daddy around.
Little girl: … And they lived together…
Uncle: I know, I’m probably the wolf.
Little girl: And there was a big bad wolf, and his name was Uncle Greg*.
Uncle: That’s right, I’d best be the wolf.
Little girl: And they lived happily ever after.
–Subway station, 53rd & Lex
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Father, pointing at License to Wed poster: The man in the middle ([Robin Williams] is funny.
Son, looking at John Krasinski: Why is that man sad?
Father: ‘Cause he’s getting married.
–6 train platform, 86th St
Overheard by: Toddy
Suit #1: She’s smart, funny, beautiful… What more could you ask for?
Suit #2: Yeah, but she probably votes. I don’t like women that vote.
–Union Station
Overheard by: Jacksonian Democracy
