Old hobo: So, can I have your number?
Pretty girl, who’s been ignoring him for a while: Uh, no…
Old hobo: Well, you’re a lesbian! You don’t want no man!
Pretty girl: I already have a man.
Old hobo: Yeah, a lesbian man!
–2nd Ave subway stop
Overheard by: Dahlia
Chick: My worst nightmare would be if I passed out drunk in the park and woke up to somebody fingering me.
Hoochie friend: Actually, that doesn’t seem that bad… How about if the guy is hot?
Girl: Well, I guess it’s not really that bad after all…
–A train platform, 14th St
Overheard by: On Platform
Jesus-freak: … And let it be known that if you disobey the holy book and God’s laws, you are eternally damned.
Queer: So, what happens to me if I’m gay?
Jesus-freak: You’re going to Hell in a hand basket!
Queer: Well, that hand basket better be fucking Prada, bitch!
–42nd St station
Overheard by: you go, girl
Chick #1: I don’t know how to walk slow.
Chick #2: Yeah…
Chick #1: Walking is like riding a bike. You fall down when you walk too slow.
–E train platform
Queer: … And when you meet my mother, do not ask about her ear.
Boyfriend: Why not?
Queer: Just don’t. And drink vodka!
Boyfriend: Not whiskey?
Queer: And if she asks you to pet the dog, for the love of God, you pet the dog.
–C train station, 96th & Central Park West
Overheard by: What about the buttsex?
Clerk: Cold out there, huh?
Hobo: No. It’s never cold out there. The only true coldness exists in the heart of man. And who taught man to be so cold? Woman! Ever since he was a baby and was scolded by his mother, man learned to be cold from woman. It was woman who taught man to deceive. It was woman who…
Clerk: Next, please.
–Convenience store, 53rd St station
Overheard by: MattyB
Cheese shop girl: ‘I want a hard cheese…’ Ugh! Hard like Parmesan or–
Cheese shop guy: –I fucking hate people who order by texture!
–F station, Bergen St
Overheard by: Maddy
Bimbette #1: Yeah, that party was so hot, and that guy was so sweet, you know? He really didn’t have to buy me a drink.
Bimbette #2: Yeah, that’s why you did a good job in choosing to hook up with him!
–Spring St platform
Hobo: There’s an earthquake coming! Get up above ground!
Tourist girl: Oh my god! Was he serious?!
–C train platform, Times Square
Overheard by: caiiya
Thug #1: … And I was like, ‘Damn, baby. I just bought you some pizza, we’re about to see a movie — is it really imperative that I buy you the Justin Timberlake CD so you can listen to it tonight?’
Thug #2: I know what you mean dog. My girl was beggin’ me to buy her that new Akon shit.
Thug #1: Why can’t bitches just be happy?
–116th St station
