Subway stations, platforms, etc.

At Least in the Wolf’s Version of the Story

Little girl: Once upon a time, there were three little pigs, and their names were Elana, Jessica, and… And Daddy Midget.
Uncle: That best not be me.
Man: You the daddy?
Uncle: Naw, I’m the uncle. But I’m the only daddy around.
Little girl: … And they lived together…
Uncle: I know, I’m probably the wolf.
Little girl: And there was a big bad wolf, and his name was Uncle Greg*.
Uncle: That’s right, I’d best be the wolf.
Little girl: And they lived happily ever after.

–Subway station, 53rd & Lex

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

And Someone Drew a Penis Next to His Head

Father, pointing at License to Wed poster: The man in the middle ([Robin Williams] is funny.
Son, looking at John Krasinski: Why is that man sad?
Father: ‘Cause he’s getting married.

–6 train platform, 86th St

Overheard by: Toddy

Stepford Wife Technology Can’t Arrive Soon Enough for Me

Suit #1: She’s smart, funny, beautiful… What more could you ask for?
Suit #2: Yeah, but she probably votes. I don’t like women that vote.

–Union Station

Overheard by: Jacksonian Democracy

On the Plus Side, My Boyfriend’s Goatee Has Never Been Cleaner

Fat girl: … And then I, like, tasted my cum and it tasted like bleach.
Skinny friend: Hey, your nose ring is out.
Fat girl: Like fuckin’ bleach, man.

–Elevator, between A train & 1 train, 168th St station

What Do You Put on Your Ritz?

Teen girl #1: I broke up with him because of his smegma. It was out of control.
Teen girl #2: What the fuck?
Teen girl #1: He had severe dick cheese.
Teen girl #2, loudly: Wait — so he had cheese growing on his dick?! Ewww!
Man next to them, laughing: Where are the crackers when you need ’em, eh?

–Roosevelt Ave station

They Mostly “Work Out” on Poles While I Watch

Gym rat #1: Yeah, I go to a great gym… And it’s not a fashion show like other places — people are there to work out.
Gym rat #2: Yeah?
Gym rat #1: Yeah. And the girls there? Oh, man, they are so hot. That is the best thing about it.

–6 train platform, Union Square

Overheard by: rory solomon

Time to Rebrand Myself

Fat lady #1: I don’t know… I ain’t into all that freaky shit.
Fat lady #2: You just need to tell him you can’t be his nasty bitch no more.
Fat lady #1: I know that’s right, girl.

–6 train platform

Overheard by: Peter

I’m Not Gay, but I Don’t Much Like Men

Little sis: I don’t know. I’m just really confused. Like, how am I supposed to know what I want in a guy? You know? Like, what’s your perfect guy?
Big sis: One with 6 weeks to live.
Little sis: Huh?
Big sis: Nevermind… God, that would be great, though.

–1 train platform, 23rd St

These Days All the Best Men Are Lesbians

Old hobo: So, can I have your number?
Pretty girl, who’s been ignoring him for a while: Uh, no…
Old hobo: Well, you’re a lesbian! You don’t want no man!
Pretty girl: I already have a man.
Old hobo: Yeah, a lesbian man!

–2nd Ave subway stop

Overheard by: Dahlia

Lucky the Conservancy’s Hot Guy Squad Roams the Park

Chick: My worst nightmare would be if I passed out drunk in the park and woke up to somebody fingering me.
Hoochie friend: Actually, that doesn’t seem that bad… How about if the guy is hot?
Girl: Well, I guess it’s not really that bad after all…

–A train platform, 14th St

Overheard by: On Platform

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