Teen girl #1: I broke up with him because of his smegma. It was out of control.
Teen girl #2: What the fuck?
Teen girl #1: He had severe dick cheese.
Teen girl #2, loudly: Wait — so he had cheese growing on his dick?! Ewww!
Man next to them, laughing: Where are the crackers when you need ’em, eh?
–Roosevelt Ave station
Gym rat #1: Yeah, I go to a great gym… And it’s not a fashion show like other places — people are there to work out.
Gym rat #2: Yeah?
Gym rat #1: Yeah. And the girls there? Oh, man, they are so hot. That is the best thing about it.
–6 train platform, Union Square
Overheard by: rory solomon
Fat lady #1: I don’t know… I ain’t into all that freaky shit.
Fat lady #2: You just need to tell him you can’t be his nasty bitch no more.
Fat lady #1: I know that’s right, girl.
–6 train platform
Overheard by: Peter
Little sis: I don’t know. I’m just really confused. Like, how am I supposed to know what I want in a guy? You know? Like, what’s your perfect guy?
Big sis: One with 6 weeks to live.
Little sis: Huh?
Big sis: Nevermind… God, that would be great, though.
–1 train platform, 23rd St
Old hobo: So, can I have your number?
Pretty girl, who’s been ignoring him for a while: Uh, no…
Old hobo: Well, you’re a lesbian! You don’t want no man!
Pretty girl: I already have a man.
Old hobo: Yeah, a lesbian man!
–2nd Ave subway stop
Overheard by: Dahlia
Chick: My worst nightmare would be if I passed out drunk in the park and woke up to somebody fingering me.
Hoochie friend: Actually, that doesn’t seem that bad… How about if the guy is hot?
Girl: Well, I guess it’s not really that bad after all…
–A train platform, 14th St
Overheard by: On Platform
Jesus-freak: … And let it be known that if you disobey the holy book and God’s laws, you are eternally damned.
Queer: So, what happens to me if I’m gay?
Jesus-freak: You’re going to Hell in a hand basket!
Queer: Well, that hand basket better be fucking Prada, bitch!
–42nd St station
Overheard by: you go, girl
Chick #1: I don’t know how to walk slow.
Chick #2: Yeah…
Chick #1: Walking is like riding a bike. You fall down when you walk too slow.
–E train platform
Queer: … And when you meet my mother, do not ask about her ear.
Boyfriend: Why not?
Queer: Just don’t. And drink vodka!
Boyfriend: Not whiskey?
Queer: And if she asks you to pet the dog, for the love of God, you pet the dog.
–C train station, 96th & Central Park West
Overheard by: What about the buttsex?
Clerk: Cold out there, huh?
Hobo: No. It’s never cold out there. The only true coldness exists in the heart of man. And who taught man to be so cold? Woman! Ever since he was a baby and was scolded by his mother, man learned to be cold from woman. It was woman who taught man to deceive. It was woman who…
Clerk: Next, please.
–Convenience store, 53rd St station
Overheard by: MattyB
