Pregnant woman: They really need to make cigarettes illegal. I can smell that woman’s smoke from half a block away. Anything you can smell from half a block away has got to be outlawed. I mean, I’ve never smelled a fart from half a block away!
–Houston & Thompson
Ballet boy: Is this the Piano Concerto choreographed by Balanchine?
Ballet girl: No.
Ballet boy: Then who is it?
Ballet girl: I don’t know. It’s like…ghetto.
–NYU Skirball Center
Woman #1: So it was great to see you again!
Woman #2: I know, you too!
Woman #1: Now I forgot, where are you going on vacation again?
Woman #2: Oh, just up to Vermont. We’re going to see a psychiatrist.
–Broadway and Waverly
Fashionista #1: Did you do your laundry yet?
Fashionista #2: Yeah, I used a service called the Laundry Spa, it’s like they gave a facial to my cashmere sweater.
Fashionista #1: Wow, I have a pair of jeans that could really use a facial.
–Bleecker off 11th street
Overheard by: L Cohen
Man on phone: Listen, I know I’m like the 500th person to tell you this, but you’ve got a problem…No, I’m not saying you’re an alcoholic! You just drink too much!
–NYSC, 7th Ave & 10th St
Lady: Here.
Pizza Guy: It’s $2.25.
Lady: I thought it was $1.50.
Pizza Guy: No, $2.25.
Lady: Oh wow, you guys raised your prices. I’ve been out of town for a while.
Pizza Guy: No, we didn’t. It’s $2.25. I don’t know where you can get $1.50 pizza…not even Brooklyn.
–Joe’s Pizza, West Village
Overheard by: Rachel W
Strand cashier: It’s like that when I go downstairs. I get all creeped out. It’s like, “Wait a minute! Why do I feel like the new guy? I’ve been here a year and a half!”
–The Strand
Dumbass: So, what do you do?
Woman: I’m working on getting my PhD in pre-Columbian studies.
Dumbass: Oh… What does that mean?
Woman: Yeah, I usually get that reaction from people outside the realm of academia.
Dumbass: Academia? Where’s that?
–Bar, the Village
Overheard by: Wishing I was in Academia
Guido: I love these jeans. They’re so comfy-womfy.
–R train, Court St
Teen girl: Tissues are so overrated. That’s what long-sleeved shirts are for. That’s why no one wears short-sleeved shirts!
–TGIFriday, 42nd St
Conductor: Down coats are very poofy. Please pull them in from the doors.
–Crowded F train
Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.
Puking guy, using hat to catch his vomit: I don’t think I’m ever gonna be able to wear this hat again. It was a good hat.
–A train
Overheard by: Joseph
Teen girl, about gift for boyfriend: Can you imagine me getting him a sweater that’s too small and going, ‘Oh, it’s too small? I’ll take it!’
–R train
Chick: She was a tasteful goth… but she was wearing a cape.
–4th & Lafayette
Blonde to other: Don't worry, within like an hour you'll have Jameson running through your system.
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Girl on cell: I'm kind of hungover–I think that gin and tonic was a bad idea. I was already drunk, I don't know why I felt the need to have one… And then I went home and made scrambled eggs, and then I wrote a long email to Jen* about how good they were and then I read it this morning and I was like "I am such an idiot!"
–Broadway & Great Jones
Overheard by: Lillian
Sorority girl on cell: Well, I'm going to have some champagne, but it's not like I'm knocking back shots with the guys. (pause) Yeah, I know, I know, I'll be careful. (pause) Don't worry, mom, I've done worse drugs than drink before! (long pause) I don't want to talk about it. (long long pause) So…I'm going to go horseback riding!
–Broadway & 34th St, Astoria
Overheard by: Horsies Are Pretty
Bartender: Ladies and gentlemen! Don't run away from or by the bar! You have an hour to walk to your seats. Again, please do not run from the bar, run to it!
—Wicked, Broadway
Girl to friend: I only get tipsy enough to go into the Virgin Megastore…
–2nd Ave & 10th St
Overheard by: Jonathan
Man to friend, about AA: Y'know, if I could drink like normal people, I'd get drunk every night.
–Central Park
Overheard by: John Tidyman
Girl to friend: When I told you to seize the moment I didn't know you were drunk!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Rebecca
