10-year-old girl punches her suit father in the arm.
Suit: You have no power. [Girl punches him again.] No power. [Girl winds up and punches him hard.] There, see? That hurt more, ’cause you used your body. [Girl turns around and punches her older sister.]Sister: Ow, what the hell?!
Suit: See? I told you — use your body.
–LIRR, Jamaica
Friend reading magazine: Look! That guy has a double chin!
Queer: Yeah, that’s because he’s a fucking asshole that eats souls.
–1 train
Angry union worker: You should join a union — then you wouldn’t be unemployed!
Angry unemployed man: You think your union is so fucking great? Then why don’t you get me a fucking job?!
Angry union worker: Yeah, I’ll get you a job! A job fucking yourself!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Becky
Woman #1: You aren’t wearing stockings?
Woman #2: I would have a serious problem putting on lotion if I was.
Woman #1: Wow, you have a real tight ass. I could have sworn you were wearing stockings when I was patting down your ass this morning.
–LIRR
Conductor: Yo, you gotta get off here — he doesn’t get to ride for free.
Drunk fireman in uniform: Oh, yeah? Well, I hope your house burns down with you in it, and nope — I won’t save you!
–LIRR
Dude #1: Sure, it’s all summery now, but you know in six months it’s all gonna be snowin’ again and shit.
Dude #2: Fuck that.
–PATH train
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Little girl: Blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah…
Mom: Stop that.
Little girl: Why?
Mom: I don’t like that sound.
Little girl, sadly: But I do… I think it’s wonderful…
–LIRR to Flatbush Ave
Overheard by: bill r
Balding Rangers fan #1: The only piece of furniture left in the house was a stuffed penguin.
Balding Rangers fan #2: A stuffed penguin is not a piece of furniture.
–Metro-North, New Haven Line
Overheard by: M Tod
Chick: Oh my god, Ali. You totally motorboated me at the bar last night!
Ali: And then you showed your tits to everyone, you whore.
Chick: Yeah, but I got a free shot.
Ali: And I do enjoy seeing your tits…
Ali’s boyfriend: Is it weird that you like her tits more than me?
–Metro North out of Fordham
Mom: Do you want to watch Over the Hedge when we get home?
Four-year-old boy: Yeah! But we can’t have popcorn. We already had popcorn today and it would be too much salt.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Dahlia
