Weather

Wednesday One-Liners Will Just Buy A Bigger Air Conditioner

Bearded intellectual: So apparently a hundred and thirty scientists worldwide have decided that there is such a thing as climate change and that we are causing it. I have to write an article on it, and it’s my job to bury it. ‘Cause this is gonna be all over the news. Well, let’s hope for global warming, because then we’ll all have beach-front property.

–6 train

Overheard by: tanechka

Middle-aged guy on cell: I am happy to announce that there is no global warming!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: It was 70 degrees in January…

Girl reading an ad on a bus stop: Do nothing… Save the world from global warming… I definitely prefer the former.

–Broadway near Lincoln Center

Climate change enthusiast: If this is global warming, bring it on. Bring it on!

–79th & Park

Man on cell: I just wanted to let you know that in light of global warming, I’m no longer going to be using toilet paper, like Sheryl Crow.

–58th & 7th

Overheard by: freckles

American Airlines pilot, landing after a blizzard: Well, we’ve just received word from the tower that global warming has been called off.

–JFK

Overheard by: Soapnana

And Every Sunrise? Temporary!

Dude #1: Sure, it’s all summery now, but you know in six months it’s all gonna be snowin’ again and shit.
Dude #2: Fuck that.

–PATH train

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

I Am Preparing to Flash the Gathering

Old lady: Take your coat off — it’s a hundred degrees in here!
Old man: Stop talking to me!

–Architectural Digest event, W 59th & 12th

It Would Be So Much Warmer If We Used Celsius!

Dude #1: Dude, I can’t believe it’s going to be like fucking minus eight tomorrow!
Dude #2: Shit. Isn’t freezing, like, 32?
Dude #1: Damn. That means it’s actually going to be like minus 40, right?
Dude #2: Yeah.

–Columbia University

What — Like You Never Had That Thought?

Tween girl #1, trudging through snow: What’s with this weather? It’s so annoying.
Tween girl #2: Yeah. Weren’t we having global warming? Let’s stop recycling or something.

–110th & Broadway

In His Magnum Opus, The Great Gatsby

Suit: I was up in Toronto last week. It was nice, but it was really cold.
Guy: Yeah, it’s beautiful up there, but they get winter really early. It’s like that Shakespeare line, ‘It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.’
Suit: [Befuddled silence.]

–LIRR into Penn Station

Overheard by: It was Dickens, DickWad

I Am Beginning to Think Your Mother Deceived Me

Russian guy, about the cold: Ah, such beautiful weather, I love it!
Daughter: Mmm-hmmm, whatever.
Russian guy: If I was a negro, I wouldn’t like this weather, either.

–Orloff Ave, Bronx

Giuliani: Why Didn’t I Think of That?

English exchange student: I like New York, but it has just been so cold!
Local student: This is nothing. Where I’m from in Minnesota it’s been 15 below.
English exchange student: Wow! You must not have much of a homeless problem there — they all just die!

–Downtown M4 bus

The Greek-house effect.

Frat boy #1: It’s so f-in’ cold in here.
Frat boy #2: Yeah, where’s the global warming when you need it?

–Subway restaurant near Wall St

Headline by: Dave Faith

Runners-Up:

· “Dubya’s College Years Were Ripe With Wit” – Katie

· “It’s Busy Killing Your Grandchildren” – bowloftoast

· “It’s Busy Melting the Pounds Off Jared” – David Bowers

· “It’s Truly Inconvenient” – Nicolbee

· “Just wait a few years and it’ll be wireless” – karl


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Unless They Make Your Unit Head South

Boy: Do they really taste like mint?
Girl: I don’t know, I don’t give head.
Boy, holding box of warming sensation condoms: I bet these are mad-popular in the winter.

–Eckerd, Astoria

Overheard by: KC

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