Black woman: I kept telling him, “You don’t see a black woman from the ghetto every day.” He has to understand.
–51st Street station
Parking attendant: All the white people I know are crooks.
–Parking lot, 46th between 8th and 9th
Overheard by: eristic
Jewish Professor: …for example, we have the white people that vote, and we have the nig…bla…African-Americans that vote…
–NYU classroom
Guy with headphones to passerby in the rain: I hate that umbrella! I’m gonna break that umbrella! I’m gonna knock that umbrella out of your hands!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Letting go of the umbrella
Teen boy to another teen boy: I really hate my mom because she grounds me all the time, that’s why I got grounded.
–B44 bus, Nostrand Ave & Ave Y
Overheard by: o_O
JAP: And so he was like, ‘Wanna go make out?’ and I was like, ‘Okay,’ so we did and that was fun or whatever, but I don’t know… We don’t actually like each other at all, we really can’t stand each other.
–The Tea Lounge, 7th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: mortalfool411
Black female after being insulted by a Black male clerk in a store: I hate Black people.
–Graham Avenue, Brooklyn
Suit: Fuckin’ guy, that fuckin’ attorney. I hate him. I hate ’em all. Myself too, I shouldn’t have gone to law school. He probably hates himself, unless he’s too fuckin’ stupid to regret it. We’re all a bunch of miserable self-loathing fucks, nobody likes attorneys.
–J & R, Park Row
Crazy yelling bitch: He’s a hater, I’m telling you he’s a fucking hater! What? No I fucking hate him.
–33rd & 8th
Overheard by: devila
Girl on cell: What? With pills? Why’d he do that? Because everyone hates him?
–62nd & 2nd
Overheard by: Ralph
Old lady on cell: Hello? Hello? Yes! I’m here! In Brooklyn!
–Broadway & Fulton
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Wigger on cell: Yo, Roove, I’m at Pimp Station.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Dude on cell: Hey, I’m in New York City. Do you know of any ATMs around New York?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: The Doifter
Girl on cell: Hi, can you hear me? I’m in New York. Yeah, I’m at Macy’s.
–H&M, 34th St
Woman on cell: You’re in the park near the benches? There are tons of benches… That’s like saying you’re in Detroit and you’re near the drugs and violence.
–Washington Square Park
Lady on cell: Uh, yeah… I think I’m in the Empire State Building.
–Observation deck, Empire State Building
Middle-aged woman on cell, picking up after her dog: Actually, I’m in Palm Springs at the moment — I’ll be here for another week.
–Mercer & Spring
Overheard by: Wish I were in Palm Springs
Guy on cell: …and she says, “If you cheat on me, you’ll die, and go to hell and burn.” So I say, “There’s no way I’m going to hell for a bitch. Cause there’s too many of them!”
–Lafayette & Fulton, Brooklyn
Construction worker: Yeah man, I just raw dogged her and ditched!
–Grand & Ludlow
Man on cell: How’s the birthday?…Yeah, big 5-0 for me….Well, I ditched the wife, make more money, and have a 33 year old girlfriend. That’s 50 for ya.
–N train
Overheard by: Doug Gaeta
Guy: Is that her panties or his sock he’s sniffing?
–Mary Boone Gallery, W. 24th Street
Overheard by: Captive 411
Bike girl on cell: Hey, this is Tammy. Yet again you were in my dream. It involved fucking. Call me back.
–Prospect Park
Hipster: Nothing says “I love you” like a cactus.
–52nd & 9th
Overheard by: kath williams
Girl: If you ever make me sleep in an ATM vestibule again, I am so dumping you.
–Grand Central
Woman on cell: Yeah, sure, go ahead and break my heart, but don’t keep my CDs.
–3rd & A
Overheard by: Kira
Crying woman on cell: No, I don’t want to do it with you. I just want the money!
–66th & Columbus
Overheard by: Charlie
Chick on cell: Yeah, I was there like you said but he wasn’t there. You said he’d be there!…Well, fuck you too! I’m going to kill you when I get home you motherfuckin’ bastard! You better say goodbye to your balls!…What?…Yeah. Sure. I’m up for some Chinese later…Bye baby…I love you too, pumpkin.
–Canal & West Broadway
Cashier guy: I told you I have a girlfriend, that’s why my face is all scratched up.”
–Home Depot, 59th Street
Guy on cell: I eat ass like a champion.
–Havemeyer & S 1st St, Williamsburg
Overheard by: EA
Scary old guy to pretty woman: Oooh, girl, you look so fine. Tell your husband I want to bite your kneecaps off.
–West Village
Lady on cell: Yeah, I’m really hungry, too. I could really eat some nice wallpaper right about now.
–83rd & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Debbie
Woman: I’d rather eat homeless person’s cum than ever eat plain yogurt again.
–Clinton & Stanton
Creepy guy: Let me put it this way: I might not be compelled to eat a puppy, but I just might eat a baby. There’s just something unattractive about them.
–Bus to Penn Station
Mother to screaming child: If you don’t stop crying I am going to eat you!
–100th & Broadway
Overheard by: briana
Bouncer to girl showing ID: You’re so beautiful. I wanna put you on a pedestal… and eat your ass.
–West Village
Overheard by: RBNY
Chick: I love his mole. It’s like Matt Damon…he has a mole.
–Starbucks, W. 4th St.
Chick: I think it’s sexy that he went to art school.
Her two friends start laughing immediately.
–Jane, Soho
Overheard by: Tamika J.
Hobo: Pretty soon this gon’ be a paper-less world. I’ll help you… Gimme all your paper money. I bring you to the future.
–Outside CVS, Lex
Teen girl: Of course there were credit cards in the ’50s. How else would they have gotten their money from the ATMs?
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Hans
Hipster boy to hipster girl: Yeah, remember that time we stuck to our principles? We got screwed out of a shitload of cash!
–Macy’s
Overheard by: Steph
Articulate crazy man: Make money the old-fashioned way: put mercenaries on your payroll!
–6 train
Overheard by: Interested. Very interested.
Conductor: To the person who lost a roll of cash held together with a rubber band, come see me. I found the rubber band.
–A train, 59th St
Overheard by: John
Fat old guy to pal: You’re either going to hurt yourself, hurt someone else, or lose all of us millions of dollars.
–8th & 7th, Park Slope
Overheard by: Julian Bennett Holmes
Thug handing 20-dollar bill to clerk: Be careful! Let it dry — I just made that.
–Deli, 137th & Broadway
Mom to son in stroller: Shut up! You want everything! Life isn’t like that!
–Staten Island ferry
Lady, pushing a stroller: My parents always used to say they were going to run away because we were so awful.
–Washington Square
Man: Yo, I got to tell my son to start selling weed now!
–56th St, between 5th Ave & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Caroline
Mom: Honey, if I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t keep buying you things.
–Bleecker St & Broadway
Mom hits kid in stroller.
Little kid: Fuck you, you fucking bitch!
–Pizza place, 14th St
Century 21 employee: And there was this Asian lady with her kid on a leash… A leash!
–Century 21
Overheard by: C21shopper
Bimbette, pointing to toddler in stroller: That’s how I met this motherfucker’s father!
–98th St & Broadway
Overheard by: shocked and appalled
Three JHS boys pass a woman in a tight t-shirt and mini-skirt talking on her cell. One stares slack-jawed, then says to his buddies: Wow! That was the new Motorola.
–79th Street between Columbus & Amsterdam
Guy: As soon as I get my unemployment check, I’m going to buy a new TV.
–Penn Station
Woman on cell: I lost my sunglasses and I have cancer.
–34th & Madison
Overheard by: Lisa
Boy, 8: Look Mom! I think Daddy likes the Hummer more than you.
–Astoria
Overheard by: Adam Kraemer
Guy on pay phone: I haven’t decided if I prefer the smell of fresh urine or stale urine. I’ll let you know.
–Hotel Edison, West 47th Street
Guy: I told you what my goal is: to be lazy. 20 years from now, I want to be lazy.
–St. Mark’s Place between 2nd & 3rd
