Real Wednesday One-Liners Have Curves

Fat chick to fatter chick: You know, I just can’t eat as much as I used to.

–Cold Stone Creamery, W 42nd St

Overheard by: Kilroy

Big lady: Sit? Nah, I’m fine standin’. These people have been workin’ hard all day, they don’t need no big fat lady sittin’ next to them. If some big fat lady sat next to me, I’d be mad as a bitch.

–F train

Overheard by: Alex And Ra

Queer to another: Honey, with all the food you’ve been eating recently you don’t even need a coat.

–20th & 8th, Chelsea

Dude: I’m too fat to be seen with her.

–C train, between 23rd & 34th

Overheard by: bwarren.com

Father to 10-year-old son: She likes ziti, french fries, pizza, and cake? Do you know what she’s going to be in high school? Fat. Never date a girl that likes to eat more than two things. First rule in life.

–Gennaro restaurant

Overheard by: Aislinn

Posted on February 21, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Diet/Weight, Food, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

The Greater Wednesday One-Liner Co-Prosperity Sphere

Guy on cell: I could get better numbers if I beat up an Asian kid!

–42nd & 5th

Overheard by: ericaS

Crazy guy to mailman: Look, maybe you don’t understand what I’m asking. All that I’m saying is that I’ve noticed a lot of mailmen are Asian, and I was wondering if you knew why.

–33rd & 30th, Astoria

Overheard by: Jeffrey

Chick on cell: I found, living in Japan, that it’s very Asian.

–28th & Lex

Overheard by: Cheryl

Teen girl on phone: Yeah, I wouldn’t mind if he said that to an Asian… but only an Asian!

–86th St

Overheard by: Lotte

Japanese boy to Korean girl: Koreans generalize a lot.

–Broadway, near NYU

Overheard by: Daniel

Korean-American: In Korea, Koreans run everything. There, Jews are just nice people.

–Dean & DeLuca, University Place

Posted on February 21, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Global Geography, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Are Made of Meat

Man on cell: Dude, don’t worry about it — your urethra is only two inches long.

–St. Mark’s Place

Overheard by: LC

Skinny, sour-faced guy: Would you mind not clapping so loud? It hurts my ears.

–Big Apple Circus

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

College guy to friend: It’s just your body saying no, but after a while it stops.

–NYU dorm

20-something dude: My parents don’t think I am responsible enough to move to the city ever since I cut my fingers off.

–28th & 3rd

Conductor: I can’t move this train if you hangin’ halfway out of it. Move all the way in when the doors close. [Doors start to close, fail.] All the way in means no legs, arms, or asses be hangin’ out no doors!

–6 train, 77th St stop

Posted on February 21, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Need a Homing Device

Late-20s woman: Up until six months ago, I thought Europe was a country. I just didn’t know…

–6 train

Overheard by: 21 and knows better

Social butterfly: Williamsburg? Where is that? Pennsylvania?

–Broadway & Bond

Overheard by: the bfd

Dude: What? You’re not from Illinois, you’re from Chicago!

–Cheesecake Factory

Female tourist: Where’s Chicago, again? Oh, that’s here in New York, right?

–Outside Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: Genissimo

Astonished woman: Los Angeles is not a state!

–Outside Javits Center

Overheard by: Tara

Asian tourist chick: Is this considered the West coast?

–Max Brenner, Union Square

Posted on February 21, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Brooklyn, Education, Global Geography, History & Geography, Idiots, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Not New York, NYC Geography, On the Subway, People, Places, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, The Bronx, Topics, Tourists, U.S. Geography, Union Square and East Village, Venues, Williamsburg, Yankee Stadium

Un Film de Wednesday One-Liners

Russian guy on cell: I went to see Saw III. Best movie ever — the girl in front of me fainted in the beginning of the movie! Five minutes into the movie she just fainted, and her boyfriend started calling for help. I called an ambulance, they took her away… That movie was awesome!

–Brooklyn-bound Q train

Overenthusiastic male student: Oh! I met Borat! He goes to NYU, right?

–Hunter College

Guy to everyone in theater: Shhh, I’m recording this!

–Movie theater, Court St, Brooklyn

Blonde: Yeah, so I watch Brokeback Mountain like it’s my Bible. I hang on every word, ’cause I really want to know how gay people talk.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Stina

Guy on cell: 28 Days was just stupid. Zombies aren’t like that. Dawn of the Dead is the most realistic portrayal of zombies I’ve ever seen!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Philip Niosi

Chick to hipsters: I did my first autopsy to The Wizard of Oz.

–The Village, near Mulberry

Overheard by: DC Diva

Posted on February 21, 2007
About Celebrities, Actors, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Celebrities, College, Death, Film, Foreigners, Gays and Lesbians, Grand Central, Gripes, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Hunter, Movie Theaters, Movies, NYU, On Cell, Pop Culture, Queers, Students, The Village, Times Square, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!

Wednesday One-Liners’ Middle Name Is Ralph, As in Puke

Subway announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, please be aware that there is no V train service on the weekends… That’s V as in ‘vomit.’

–57th St station

Overheard by: heroine in iniquity

Gotti-looking girl: Yeah, and I wasn’t having a good time so she was like, ‘Why didn’t you just get drunk and throw up on him?’ and I was like, ‘Because I’m not gonna stoop to his level. I’ll just have someone break his legs.’

–LIRR Hicksville

Overheard by: Sarah

Conductor: No fighting, no throwing up.

–LIRR train

Overheard by: Kristen

Drunk frat boy: Yo, man, what’s your poison tonight? What do you feel like tasting on the way up, bro? Do you want a puke jager? Do you want a puke jager?

–PATH to Christopher St

Metal guy to friend: I’m tellin’ you, if you gotta throw up you can’t beat pancakes and syrup.

–Burger King, 34th St

Overheard by: Glad I was done eating

Irish girl: It was a great night! No one peed in the shower, no one puked in their purse… None of that ever happened!

–168th & Ft Washington Ave

Posted on February 21, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Fighting and ass kicking, Guidettes, Irish, Pee, Subway conductors, Vomit, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners Remember Their Roots

Malan Breton, from Project Runway: Is this where I come to have my lashes dyed?

–Beauty salon, Hudson & Perry

Overheard by: thaler

Dude: It was fun, but we felt like posers because we all had mohawks, and they had, like, holes in their faces.

–Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn

Man: … And I said, that’s my body hair, not a sweater!

–Broadway & Reade

Overheard by: Caitlin

Loud Southern chick: He looked fine except for the goatee, the moustache, and the unibrow.

–Queens-bound E train

Overheard by: acep

Drunk hipster chick: Yeah, my geo-politics are fucked up and my bangs are fucked up. I cut them myself.

–Delancey & Essex platform

Overheard by: Scott L

Transgender emo teen: Go and see his MySpace picture. He is beautiful. But you can only see his hair.

–McDonald’s, 3rd St

Overheard by: jess and ari

Posted on February 21, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Hair, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

The Protocols of the Elders of Wednesday One-Liners

Georgian tourist looking out window at Hasidic Jew: Oh, look at that man in the Abraham Lincoln costume!

–M1bus near Wall St

Overheard by: Nolan & Brandon

Mother to son: Basically, the Unitarians are the most Jewish of all the…

–91st & Broadway

Overheard by: Carol Elk

Potential student: What’s a Jesuit? A Jewish person?

–Fordham University, Rose Hill

Overheard by: Rachel Hoban

Guy on cell: He doesn’t even drink! He’s Jewish. Apparently Jews don’t drink.

–47th & 9th

Yenta on cell: Can you believe it? She’s planning to have quesadillas as her Passover meal!

–8th St & Hudson

Overheard by: Laughing Goy

Suit to another: Come on — I mean, we’re Jews. We can walk on water!

–20th & Park

Little boy to nanny: I should be a doctor when I grow up, because I’m Jewish. Or an acrobat…

–F train

Overheard by: LaLa

Posted on February 14, 2007
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Christianity, Ethnic Food, Judaism, Stupidity, U.S. Geography, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Veg Out

Burly construction worker: Nah, I’m telling you, man. You got it all wrong. Apple turnover is one of those little cake things.

–39th St, between 8th & 9th

Checkout lady holding up customer’s pear on counter: What the hell is this?!

–Key Food, East Village

Overheard by: J

Guy: … I didn’t know why she was chewing on a pickle with an inflated glove over one eye.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: McFreaky

Coworker: I’m just saying, broccoli is the least respected vegetable in the vegetable kingdom. You can’t argue that.

–Madison Ave

Overheard by: Georgia Peach

Conductor after train pulls into station: Mrew! Mrew! Apples and bah-nay-nays!

–7 train

Drunk lady on cell: So, I’ve been pinned against the wall all night by a woman telling me about her bowel movements… And to top it all off, I found avocadoes on sale today for 99 cents!

–St. Mark’s & 5th, Park Slope