Girl #1: …and I will totally sell you my old shuffle, cheap.
Girl #2: I don’t know…
Guy: Fuck that, iTunes sucks! All iProducts suck!
Girl #2: Shh! You might offend the girl with the iPod.
Guy: Fuck her! She can’t hear us with those ear things in!
–F train
Overheard by: Girl with the iPod
Hobo: You remember me?
Bag lady: Yeah, I remember you; I still don’t like you.
Hobo: I still don’t like you either. You still gotta wash your ass. Stop smokin’ crack and wash your asshole!
–1 train
Overheard by: Nico Medina
Hobo: Spare some change for the leprechaun? I just need four dollars to get back over the rainbow.
–1 train
Guy #1: So I was standin’ in front of the door in the train the other day, and this old lady shoves me like three times when the doors opened. I stepped aside to look at her and I pushed her like this.
Guy #2: What did she do?
Guy #1: She just looked and me and walked out. Fucking bitch!
–N train
Woman #1: They done got my paycheck wrong again. I’m so upset.
Woman #2: How’d they do that this time?
Woman #1: I don’t know, with computers these days, you type in one thing wrong and it ain’t gonna come out right.
Woman #2: Y’know, it’s those young girls in the office that don’t pay no attention to what they’re doin’.
Woman #1: You’re right! They have their fake press-on nails and damn fake hair. And they spend all day running their fake nails through their fake hair instead of watching the keyboard.
Woman #2: Oh, you’re just jealous.
–2 train
Dude #1: Yo, what’s up?
Dude #2: I know what’s going up.
Dude #1: The price of stamps?
Dude #2: This elevator don’t go down till the passengers get off. A samurai won’t sheath their sword without the taste of blood…Fool, my penis! Damn, you just broke the elevator. Way to go, homo.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Gary Wattson
Girl #1: Whatever, you never even let me put my feet on the furniture when I stay with you.
Girl #2: That is because your feet were covered with warts!
Girl #1: Warts that I caught from the Mother Wart that was on your foot!
–Central Park
Hobo: Yeah man, that’s good shit. Except for those white-ass American bandstand drummers. Whoever heard of fucking Clark Kent playing bongos?
–55th & 9th
Overheard by: Luke Reynolds
Old man: I’m a pretty good driver when I’m drunk.
Old woman: I don’t think so.
Old man: You just don’t like how fast I go.
Old woman: …I don’t think so.
Old man: Oh, the endless debate. He, he, he.
–Saurin Parke Cafe, West 110th Sreet
Overheard by: Wendy Darling
Hobo: Do you have any spare change?
Guy #1: No.
Hobo: Fuck you, you fuckin’ faggot.
Guy #2: Actually, he’s the straight one, and you should be nicer if you expect people to give you money.
Hobo: Fuckin’ faggot, you ain’t got nothin on me!
–2nd Avenue station
