One Life to Wednesday One-Liner

Five-year-old boy to father: Is this an important life lesson?

–14th & 6th

Overheard by: A

Young Asian man to woman ignoring him: Hey, let's go get a falafel. Hey, hey–you live around here often?

–Union Square

Overheard by: serena

Woman, throwing McNuggets at man: Get the fuck out of my life!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Elliot

Frantic crazy guy: I'm gonna go have a seat in Starbucks and get my life together!

–6th Ave & 25th St

Overheard by: tbomb

Suit on phone: Well that's life, you screw people over and then you go to the Bahamas.

–Train into Penn Station

Posted on July 6, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Asians, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crazies, Dads, Ethnic Food, Guys, Insults, Kids, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penn Station, Philosophy, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Street, Suits, The Village, Times Square, Trains Not Subway, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-liners Spell It “Aminals”

Guy: …and he had, like, shark teeth! Three fucking rows of them! I swear.

–Fulton & Gold

Posted on June 18, 2020
Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Backdoor, Body Parts, Breaking Up, College, Crime and Punishment, Death, Fordham, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Man's Best Friend, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Poop, Pop Culture, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Suits, The Bronx, Times Square, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, We Love Our Pets

Jon Heder is Such a Princess

Waiter: How would you like your eggs?
Guy: Can I get two eggs scrambled, one sunny side up?
Waiter: Um…I…Um…I don’t…
Guy: Whatever. Give me three scrambled eggs. God.

–Ben Ash Delicatessen, 7th Avenue

Posted on June 12, 2020
Anger Management, Food, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity

Remember That Whole Strike Thing?

Guy: God damn it! Where were you? I waited an hour for you to show up! Were you on a coffee break or what?
Bus driver: Sir, that’s not possible, the lead bus was only ten minutes ahead of me. I watched him pull out of the depot.
Guy: Screw you! You guys are the real terrorists! You’re what Homeland Security is trying to protect us against!

–Staten Island Ferry Terminal, Staten Island

Posted on April 27, 2020
Anger Management, Bus Drivers, Cars and Driving, Coffee, Food, National Security, People, Places, Staten Island, Staten Island Ferry, Stupidity, Terrorism, Topics

And Give Michael a Break–He's Only Seven

Red haired woman: Damn it, Michael forgot to pack my lunch again. I am so pissed at him! Arrrrgh!
Big boobed woman: Shhh…shhh… Just get lunch at the store.
Red haired woman: Do they got ribs at the store? Do they got ribs at the store, Portia?
Big boobed woman: You could ask. They have pork.

–A Train

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Posted on March 14, 2020
Advice, Anger Management, Default, Food, Gripes, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Women

This Also Scares Away Demons

Tourist in crowd waiting for crosswalk: [Sneezes.]Suit: Shut the fuck up!

–47th & 6th

Overheard by: dan.j.w.

Posted on February 29, 2020
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Anger Management, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Suits, Tourists

Reader Poll: Should Meth Be Required for Tourists?

13-year-old brunette to tourists: Argh! Move!
13-year-old redhead: These people need to learn the ethics of jaywalking.

–Times Square

Overheard by: emma

Posted on February 5, 2020
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Anger Management, Crime and Punishment, Only in New York, Teens, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists

Jim Gaffigan: The Horror!

Loud woman: You said you'd had Hot Pockets!
Quiet woman: No, I…
Loud woman, interrupting: Yes, you did! You told me you had had Hot Pockets!
Quiet woman: I haven't had Hot Pockets in weeks. Not since Evan*'s parents were in town.
Loud woman: You told me you did just days ago! You lie! Li-ar!
Quiet woman: No, I said the reason I had cake for breakfast is that I *ran out* of Hot Pockets!

–6th St & Ave A

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on January 4, 2020
Alphabet City, Anger Management, Food, Lies, Stupidity, Women

Nuts for Wednesday One-liners

Chris Noth: I talked to her for 10 minutes and figured out she was crazy.

–15th & Irving

Overheard by: Ameha Beyene

Posted on July 8, 2019
Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Body Parts, Celebrities Overheard, Crazies, Man's Best Friend, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Relationships, Sex & Relationships, Stupidity, Upper East Side, Violence, We Love Our Pets

On Tomorrow’s Celebrity Death Match: Vishnu v. Thor

Black Bible-thumper: Jesus will save you! Have you been saved? Praise Jesus!
Passerby: Praise Allah!
Black Bible-thumper: Fuck you, motherfucker! Jesus will kick your ass!

–42nd & 8th

Overheard by: The Jewish Asian

Posted on June 17, 2019
Anger Management, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Christians, Fighting and ass kicking, Jesus

Anger Management

Jim Gaffigan: The Horror!