Boys

Time for You to “Fall Down Some Stairs”

Dad: You ask too many questions!
Five-year-old son: What time is it?

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Aili

Headline by: Babakganoosh

Runners-Up:
· “Followed By, “Why Is the World Upsidedown? Why Is the Ground Rushing Up at Me So Fast? Where Is All My Blood Going?”” – Falling 80 stories sucks
· “If You’re Gonna Catch a Beating, You May As Well Earn It.” – Xvi
· “It’s Time To Play “Justified Child Abuse”!” – Patrick
· “Preamble to the Slaughter” – Paul Tabachneck
· “Yeah, Well, Wait ’til I Get to the Hard Ones, Like, Is It Okay to Masturbate?” – Chris

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I’ll Never Sit Again after All This Anal

Boy #1: When I’m in high school, I’ll only be able to get blowjobs standing up!
Boy #2: Rad.

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Joe Coleman

This from the Kid Who Wants a Dora the Explorer Backpack?

Eight-year-old: But Dad, why are we in the bookstore if we’re not buying books?
Dad: Because Daddy likes quiet places.
Eight-year-old: That sounds gay.
Dad, looking nervous: Shut up!

–Borders

Overheard by: Eyeoftherabbit

Have You Been Reading Mommy’s Diary Again?

Four-year-old boy: There are too many people on the train. Someone needs to get off.
Mom: Who needs to get off?
Four-year-old boy: Us!

–A train

Overheard by: otilio

Or, You Know, Whatever

Dude #1: You got laid last night, so shut up. Although I never saw her, so I don’t know what she looked like.
Dude #2: Neither do I…
Dude #1: Yeah, I thought about staying up and waiting just to get a look at her.

–17th & Irving

Overheard by: B-Round

… Whom I’ve Only Seen on Sonograms So Far

10-year-old gangsta #1: Yo, I got all kinds of bitches. Right now I gotta choose…
10-year old gangsta #2: Yo, what you talkin’ ’bout?
10-year-old gangsta #1: I got this young bitch… I gotta choose between a girl that’s my age or a younger woman.

–1 train

Overheard by: D. J.

No, Psychokinetically. And Don’t Go All “Carrie” on Me

Mom: Daniel, it’s time you started opening doors for me.
Son: Um… okay.
Mom: Well? [Gestures at doors.]Son: Oh! I thought you meant metaphorically…

–W 111th St

Overheard by: Talker’s Remorse

Headline by: Arliss Travers

Runners-Up:
· “…like When We Played Doctor.” – mike chmiel
· “Just Like Your Allowance” – nobody
· “No, I Meant Vaginally” – DanaLishs
· “Sorry, My Oedipus Complex Doesn’t Kick in for Another Year or Two.” – Andrew G
· “Thalidomide or No, You Work That Flipper Young Man” – bobofthejungle
· “The Birds and the Bees Talk Really Confused Me….” – Breanne S.
· “You Know, Like When You Tell Dad the Garden Needs Watering” – Jonty

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Winning the War Against Space Chickens, One Bird at a Time

Little boy: Is this a fighter plane?
Grandma: No. A fighter plane is quicker and can only fit two people.
Little boy: … Then why are there lasers?

–JFK

Overheard by: Adam Vine Whip

Headline by: Miss Edith

Runners-Up:
· “Dont EVER question lasers” – melissa
· “For the sharks, of course” – Britta
· “In case you start kicking the seat in front of you” – bobofthejungle
· “To Protect Us From Gay Marriage” – ImmaculatePizza

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

We’d All Go Back, but Who Wants Us?

Nanny: You don’t want to watch the parade?
Little boy: They think… They think… They think the government should give them jobs even though they are from other countries, but they should just go back.

–Immigration march, 14th & Broadway

Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson

And Be Ignored

Teen boy in suit: Wow, look at that cute girl!
Teen boy with rolling book bag: Oh, yeah… I’d like to walk next to that.

–Citibank, Forest Hills

Headline by: Trey

Runners-Up:

· “And then I’d hold the fuck out of her hand” – NJgal

· “Chicks dig my sweet wheels” – Marissa

· “I Would Awkwardly Avoid Eye Contact with That Like A Motherfucker” – Leland

· “I’d Carry Her Books So Hard” – Barry P.

· “I’d stick my pen in that pocket protector!” – wannabenyc


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

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