Girl #1: Ben’s hot, but I think he’s gay.
Girl #2: No way. Why?
Girl #1: He asked me if my carpet matches my drapes.
Girl #2: I don’t think he’s gay.
Girl #1: Oh yeah?
Girl #2: Call him up and tell him he can chew on your carpet!
Girl #1: What?
–Central Park
Tourist guy: Excuse me, do you work here?
Uniformed employee: Yes…
Tourist guy: Oh good. Is this Central Park?
Uniformed employee: No, this is Dale and Thomas Popcorn.
Tourist guy: Oh, well the bus guide said this was it. Where is it?
Uniformed employee, pointing north: Just walk that way.
Tourist guy: Well that’s not much help, how the hell am I supposed to find it?
Uniformed employee: Oh trust me, you’ll find it.
Tourist guy: HOW?
Uniformed employee: IT’S A BIG FUCKING PARK!
–Dale and Thomas Popcorn, 48th & Broadway
Casting person: Ok, here’s the problem, they don’t wan’t a baby with a huge head compared to his chest, nor do they want to see gross veins all over its chest. They want the fucking Gerber baby, ok?
–38th between 7th & 8th
Friend to new mother with infant: All babies look great in black. Did you know that?
–Madison & 91st
Overheard by: Kelly Smith
Woman: Actually, now that they’ve started talking, the twins are much less creepy.
–Central Park
Tourist lady: Excuse me, is this Central Park?
New York man: Uh, yes, this is.
Tourist lady: Are you sure? It seems a little off-center to me.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Off-center Dog Walker
Tourist lady: Ahem … excuse me sir … em .. Could you tell us how to get to Central Park from here?
Dude: Sure, just take a left on 72nd and walk straight on.
Tourist lady to husband: See, I told you New Yorkers aren’t rude if you talk to them nice.
Dude: I’m from Idaho, ma’am, I’m just here for Memorial weekend.
–Park Ave
Overheard by: Jason
Scrabble girl: “Gooeesay” is so not a word.
Scrabble guy: That’s “guise.”
Scrabble girl: Ha! Well, smart guy, you spelled it wrong. “Guys” is spelled G-U-Y-S.
Scrabble guy: Are you serious?
Scrabble girl: Sorry, there’s no way I’m letting you get away with that after you wouldn’t give me any points for “Steve.”
Scrabble guy: How long have we been dating?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Uncle Joe
Little boy to his mother: Mommy, remember the last time you made a mistake?
–Manhattan-bound A train
Boy with ice cream: Does the five-second rule apply to sidewalks?
–92nd & Madison
Little boy to duck: Uh, what the fuck, dude?
–Harlem Meer, Central Park
Overheard by: robin b
Woman: Hey, when’s that movie Snakes on a Plane ever gonna come out?
Old man: What? What’s that?
Woman: Maybe it’s just a joke. Like the “L” in Samuel “el” Jackson’s name. I think that’s a joke too, like, what is he? Samuel “the” Jackson?
Old man: Who’s that?
Woman: Just eat your hot dog, dad.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Kershinator
Blonde: You know what? I wish I was a bird.
Brunette: So you could fly far, far away?
Blonde: No, so I could sit on electrical fences and not get shocked.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Bay Jyington
Guy #1: Yeah, she wouldn’t shut up so I peed on her.
Guy #2: Just what I would have done, bro.
–Central Park
