Girl #1: Yeah, I need to buy a new cell phone; mine is broken.
Girl #2: How come.
Girl #1: I dropped it in the sand during my vacation.
Girl #2: That’s how it broke?
Girl #1: No, it was fine but the sand was all over it, so I decided to rinse it clean with pouring water from the bathroom sink.
–Central Park
Woman: So, did you hear so-and-so is getting married?
Man: Really? How does her fiancé feel about her being a lesbian?
Woman: She’s not a lesbian.
Man: Really? Does anybody else know that?
–Central Park Reservoir
Overheard by: Jill
JAP: Ew! I think the turkey in this salad is ham.
–30th & 7th
Overheard by: AJ Stone
Sparkling conversationalist: I couldn’t eat for a while. It destroyed my appetite, and it totally killed the tapeworm. So tonight I can eat a good amount, but not a tapeworm amount.
–Lafayette between 4th & Astor
Overheard by: uncle frank
Girl: I hate eating fish, except when my grandma makes it. She makes it taste like beef.
–Central Park
Girlfriend to boyfriend: It wasn’t just the egg roll, Jerry; it was all of last week.
–Washington Square
Discerning sniffer: It smells good in here…like Spam.
–Medical office, Canal & Bowery
Thug: Yo, do I still got mad hummus on my lip?
–F station, 2nd Ave
Overheard by: cara
Woman to little girl: You stick that in your mouth now before I shove it down your throat! I bought that ice cream, now stick it!
–11th & 1st
Overheard by: Jamieson
Park employee: Look, lady, if you want to have your dog off leash, you can bring it in after nine o’clock at night.
Upper-East-Side lady: Oh, that’s a great idea. I’ll just bring my dog into Central Park after nine…and get raped!
Park employee: What good is a dog if it can’t stop you from getting raped?
–Central Park, 85th St
Dude: It’s all right to be self-conscious about your feces.
–L train
Overheard by: Matthew Sahd Mohammed
Tourist: On the farm, manure smells pretty good. But in the city it just smells like horse shit.
–Horse carriages, Central Park South & 5th Ave
Man to his dog: Damn, nigga, you betta hurry up an’ shit already. I got places to be!
–112th & Amsterdam
Hipster guy: The park is open for pooping!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: I went at home
Techie on cell: Yeah, you got it: I’m going to troubleshoot the crap out of it. Yeah, you heard me: troubleshoot the crap!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Mary Beth Hanlon
Dude: All the toilet paper in here is shitty!
–Duane Reade, 70th & Broadway
Overheard by: Yesenia
8-year-old girl: Let’s play poo-poo!
–Green St, Greenpoint
Overheard by: twelvis
Old Jewess on cell: Carla is going to be there, too…You’ve met Carla…You met her the other week. She was the one with the penis.
–77th & 2nd
Overheard by: Joseph
Considerate guy: Hey, man, don’t burst his bubble. If it ain’t a man, it ain’t a man.
–Outside 10th Precinct, W 20th St
Voice on intercom: Sir, that’s the women’s restroom. Sir…Sir…Stop!
–Times Square
Drunk guy: Well, it was either a real ugly woman or a guy with man-boobs.
–F train
Drunk dude to girl: Wow, you’re the prettiest man I’ve ever seen.
–Women’s bathroom, Saloon, 83rd & York
Overheard by: Aaron
Little girl, staring at the Statue of Liberty: Who’s he supposed to be?
–Circle Line
Overheard by: emily
Young guy: …so, technically, I’m lactating. Technically.
–Central Park
Son, father, and mother are standing in a triangle.
Son: Why aren’t you throwing it to me?
Father, holding frisbee: Because you’re not participating.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Rachel Strauss
Little girl: Mommy, can you go to the hospital and get me a baby sister?
Mother: Go ask daddy.
–Central Park
Overheard by: hbs
Loud girl: I was like, “That’s totally unfair! You can’t pray that prayer! That’s the story of my life.”
–Outside Delacorte Theater, Central Park
Overheard by: Helen V.
Teen boy: I swear, I’m going to ejaculate on your countenance.
Teen girl: Dude, what the fuck?
–Central Park
Overheard by: notgoingtoask
