Conductor: For local service, switch to the D Train. Yes, for local service, take the D. I know many of you don’t believe me, but I know you know in your hearts that I am right. And if you glance to your right, you’ll see there is a D train on the next platform. Excellent.
–B train
Conductor #1: Uh, Jack?
Conductor #2: Yeah Joe.
Conductor #1: We need to stop.
Conductor #2: Stop? What do you mean stop?! We’re in the middle of a tunnel!
Conductor #1: A door just opened.
Conductor #2: What the…..
–N train
Overheard by: melissa
Voice over PA: This train will not be continuing and we need to evacuate the train. There is a car in the station so we are going to have everyone walk forward.
Guy #1: There’s a car in the station?!
Guy #2: Yeah, a car from this train…
Guy #1: Oh, thank GOD! I thought someone really fucked up.
–Manhattan-bound F, stopped just short of East Broadway Stop
Overheard by: That Guy
Conductor #1: If you are traveling with small child, the elderly, or the intoxicated, be sure to take them by the hand as there is a large gap between the train and the station platform.
Conductor #2: Dude, shut up.
Conductor #1: Roger that.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: One of the intoxicated
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, this Q train is currently making local stops due to the 12 cups of snow outside.
–Q train
Conductor: If you see someone trying to steal from you, make a lot of noise, create a big scene, and I’m sure someone will come to your aid.
Man: Clearly this guy is not from New York. Maybe he’s from Utah or something.
–A train
Old lady: They are going to strike? They should put up signs fuckers! I see you looking at me you skinny bitch, fuck you.
Conductor: The doors are closing.
Old lady: Can’t put up signs but the fucker is telling me the doors are closing.
–F train
Hobo: Don’t worry about the strike, we’ll all fly to work! Flap our wings and fly!
–14th & 7th
Guy: I was there at the strike in 1980; I remember it well. It went on for two weeks. Of course, they could never have it that long now. The population of the city has doubled since 1980.
–Bowling Green station
Overheard by: greek goddess
Conductor: Shit, I’ll get nasty right now. I’ll pull the brakes, see how they like that.
–1 train
Overheard by: Priscilla Castillo
Tween boy: So how’s the strike going?
Bus driver: If there was a strike I wouldn’t be here, you moron.
–M15 bus
Overheard by: Sara’s Hot
Conductor: This is a Manhattan bound N train. The next stop is Grand Avenue.
Guy #1: Ha, ha, ha! Yo, listen up! Darth Vada’s running da train!
Guy #2: Dat’s some funny shit, man.
–N train
Conductor: This is a Queens-bound G train.
Girl #1: This train is going to Queens?
Girl #2: But we’re going to Greenpoint!
Woman: This goes to Greenpoint.
Girl #2: Greenpoint is in Queens?
Girl #3: I thought it was in Manhattan.
–G train
Overheard by: p
