Customer: They don’t have stars today like we had. This Britney Spears…
Owner: She’s a pig.
Customer: She’s a pig.
Owner: She’s a pig.
Customer: She’s a pig! You know what’s wrong with her? Her mother shoulda smacked her in the mouth more often.
–Pet store, 25th & 3rd, Sunset Park
Overheard by: Pippa
Customer: Excuse me, ma’am, I’d like to point out that your bagels are moldy.
Bagel vendor: No, honey, those are just blueberry bagels.
–Bagel shop
Overheard by: Annika
Customer: What time does the live entertainment begin?
Waiter: Around 11 p.m.
Customer: Can you call and ask them to start early? It’s eight p.m., and I’m here now.
–Rafina Taverna, 78th & York
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Chinese customer: Hey, do you work here?
Chinese salesman: Yes.
Chinese customer: Okay, are you guys going to have the PlayStation Three when it comes out?
Chinese salesman: It comes out November 17th.
Chinese customer: I know — are you guys going to have it?
Chinese salesman: It comes out November 17th.
Chinese customer: Okay… I know that. Are you guys going to sell it?
Chinese salesman: I don’t know if we have pre-orders.
Chinese customer: So, are you going to sell it on November 17th?
Chinese salesman: Yes, yes, we sell on November 17th — first come, first serve.
Chinese customer walks away mumbling: Damn, man, learn some English.
–J&R Music, City Hall
Overheard by: Hugh
Young woman: Hi, I am looking for a good bronzer powder. Can you help me?
Employee: I don’t know, I don’t have your skin color.
–Sephora
Headline by: TM
Runners-Up:
· “Here’s a box of crayons, be creative!” – Steve
· “Neither do I, that’s what the bronzer’s for.” – Dave
· “Or an IQ over 64………” – Cooter
· “The customer is always irrelevant” – Janet E.
· “Why training videos aren’t made on Fridays anymore” – so pale
· “Zombies are so hard to work with” – TP
A well-dressed, middle-aged woman is being kicked out of a restaurant for inviting herself to sit at several other customers’ tables.
Waiter: Come on, you have to leave.
Woman: Baby, there is basically an aura about me. Would you care to venture through it?
–Restaurant, W 4th St
Woman #1: It’s hot as Haiti in this store.
Woman #2: What?
Woman #1: Isn’t it supposed to be hot there?
Woman #2: I think you mean ‘Hades.’
Woman #1: No. It’s a place in the Caribbean.
–Banana Republic, 42nd St & Park Ave
Overheard by: Not Haitian
Customer #1: Hey, kid! Get the fuck out of there!
Customer #2: Don’t you dare speak to my boy like that!
Customer #1: Why? Does the little bastard not know English?
Customer #2: Shut up.
Customer #1: I guess not.
–Laundry King, Ave A
Overheard by: Usleich
Hairdresser: So, I’m dating this carpenter…
Client: Oooh, is he cute?
Hairdresser: It isn’t so much that he’s ‘cute’ as ‘willing to redo my basement if I go out with him.’
–Amsterdam & W 85th
Overheard by: umpazumparoo
Loud customer: Do you have She-Ra: Princess of Power?
Cashier: No, we don’t carry it.
Loud customer: It’s sold out?
Cashier: No. We don’t carry it.
Loud customer: It’s sold out?
Cashier: …Yes.
–Virgin Megastore, Times Square
