Mysticism

Wednesday One-Liners Will See You at the Ren Fair

Woman: She had sex with a dragon. She had sex with a dragon! I keep seeing her and wantin’ to ask, “Yo, how’s the dragon?”

–Ollie’s, 69th & Broadway

Overheard by: Nick Draven

Virgin-For-Life on cell: Did you vanquish the dragon?…Yo, I told you to vanquish the dragon! Dumb ass nigga. Damn.

–Gristedes, West Village

Overheard by: KoryD

Nanny to little boy: I think each country must have its own Tooth Fairy.

–5th & President, Park Slope

Overheard by: b

Hipster on cell: It’s cooler, and you’re a vampire. Ok, I get it.

–6th St & 1st Ave

You Misunderstand the Nature of an Enema

Guy #1: They don’t have my supplement here.
Guy #2: Try the health food store.
Guy #1: I would, but every time I go in there that woman tries to clean my aura.

–CVS, Bleecker Street

He’s Also Gonzo for String Theory and Cy Twombly Artwork

Queen #1: Have you heard of this? It’s called I-Ching. Some mystical Chinese thing.
Queen #2: Oh! I love the I-Ching. You must try the I-Ching. It’s fabulous. You can’t understand a damn thing, it’s just remarkably profound and so Now.

–Borders Books, Penn Plaza

Overheard by: Shawndrea

Maybe You Should Stop Feeding It Beans

Sales clerk #1: I feel like I’m vibrating.
Sales clerk #2: Maybe it’s your aura.

–Changing room, store, Soho

Overheard by: Gina

Or When He Screamed Out “I'm Gaaaaaay!” During Sex

Girl #1: I knew it was over when he sat Indian-style on his bed.
Girl #2: It should have been over when he cried after sex.
Girl #1: Yeah, I guess you're right.

–Hell's Kitchen

Overheard by: Native American Love

Lately Jesus Finds Himself Obsessively Playing ‘Dead Rising’

Guy #1: The Jehovah Witnesses say the world is ending and the good will inherit the earth… So then what? The less good people will be the bad people, and little things will seem worse?
Guy #2: I don’t get it, these religions are inconsistent. Is Jesus taking the good people with him or do the good people inherit the earth? I hope he takes them with him.
Guy #1: I spoke with Jesus and he doesn’t know what’s going on: he just got the Xbox 360 and said he could care less.
Guy #2: He sounds like a good guy.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Bobby

Another Product of Wicca Affirmative Action

Substitute teacher: Ummm, you in the back — yeah — what are you doing?
Student, formerly mumbling and waving arms: Oh, just casting a spell.

–Hunter

Last Time Egon Did That, He Got Slimed

A well-dressed, middle-aged woman is being kicked out of a restaurant for inviting herself to sit at several other customers’ tables.

Waiter: Come on, you have to leave.
Woman: Baby, there is basically an aura about me. Would you care to venture through it?

–Restaurant, W 4th St

Welcome Back to School, New York

Professor guy: Remember, next week’s exam will cover all the material from the past three weeks.
Chick: Uh, ‘scuse me? When are we going to get to the Zodiac signs?
Professor guy: Um, you do know this is astronomy and not astrology, right?

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Hello Clairice

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