It Goes Perfectly with Naked Ladies and Stereotyping

Stripper: Hey, baby! You got a cigarette?
Gentleman customer: No, baby. I’m Jamaican — I only smoke the herb.

–Scores, East Side

Posted on January 16, 2020
Customers, Global Geography, Lower East Side, Offers and requests, Smoking, Strangers, Weed

I Can't Keep Up with You Crunchy Hippies

Customer: Excuse me, do you know where the croutons are?
Whole Foods maintenance guy: Croutons? That some kind of vegetable or something?

–Whole Foods, Houston St

Posted on June 2, 2019
Clerks, Customers, Food, Questions, Stupidity, Whole Foods, Words

Like Being Pummeled by Thousands of Tiny Penises

Salesman demonstrating massager on self: It’s supposed to be heavy so that the weight of it helps massage your shoulders.
Middle-aged woman, unimpressed: What about that one?
Salesman, picking up new massager: This is a vibrator.
Middle-aged woman: [Stunned silence.]Salesman: Uh, I mean, it operates using vibration — the first one’s called a percussion massager. It’s just a… different type of massager.

–Brookstone, Manhattan Mall

Overheard by: she didn’t buy either one

Posted on May 20, 2019
Customers, Dildos and Vibrators, Gadgets, Shopping, Store

Trust Us, Einstein: The Girl’s On To You, See?

Man: I want to change my access code. My girl’s got my access code and I don’t want her to have it no more. I don’t want her seeing my messages, see?
Customer service lady: OK. But that’s a Sprint phone.
Man: So?
Woman: This is the Verizon store.
Man: Oh. Really?

–Verizon, 86th between Lexington & 3rd

Overheard by: Carolyn

Posted on May 12, 2019
Cell Phone, Customers, Idiots, Store, Stupidity, Vendors & Street Performers

How Vanilla Ice Cream Becomes a Chocolate Milkshake

Man: This is no good. It’s sour. I want one that’s fresh.
Employee: I put ice cream and milk.
Man: I don’t care what you put in it. Maybe it’s the milk, maybe it’s the ice cream. You taste it, or bring out a manager to taste it, either way I want one that’s fresh.
Employee: You come tomorrow. Speak with manager. Change with him.
Man: So what am I supposed to do? Stick this in my ass until tomorrow?

–Baskin-Robbins, Bensonhurst

Overheard by: Jenn Milazzo

Posted on May 5, 2019
Comebacks, Customers, Food, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Vendors & Street Performers

What Passes for Exceptional Customer Service in This Town

Customer at deli called “Bagel”: So, do you serve bagels here?
Waitress: No, we actually serve sports gear, but the models next door sells bagels.

–Bagel Deli

Overheard by: Amanda

Posted on April 7, 2019
Clerks, Comebacks, Customers, Delis, Food, Sports

When Science Meets Religion

Guy: I'd like the two-for-one sundae deal.
Employee, agitated: It's not two-for-one!
Guy: It's not?
Employee: It's “buy one, get one free”!

–6th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Nacci

Posted on April 3, 2019
Clerks, Customers, Food, Free stuff!, Questions, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Words

“Yeah, I like to eat out every once in a while.”

Coffee guy: Good morning, sir.
Sir: Medium coffee.
Coffee guy: Milk and sugar, sir?
Sir: Yes, please.
Coffee guy: …you go down, sir?
Sir: Excuse me?
Coffee guy: You go down? Down the town?

–Roach coach, Franklin & Church

Overheard by: Bailey Wier