NYU Tisch student #1: What are your views on religion?
NYU Tisch student #2: I don’t believe in God. I do believe in bran cereal. It protects against rectal cancer.
–NYU Tisch building
NYU Tisch student #1: What are your views on religion?
NYU Tisch student #2: I don’t believe in God. I do believe in bran cereal. It protects against rectal cancer.
–NYU Tisch building
Woman: Breastfeeding her baby is not the same as taking a shit.
Man: Yeah, it is. It’s like shitting in the baby’s mouth.
–3rd & 2nd
College guy #1: Okay, we need to go to the grocery store.
College guy #2: But that’s so boring! How am I going to update my Facebook status? Drew* is shopping for groceries? That is so lame!
College guy #1: Dude, you really can’t live your life based on an imagined Facebook profile status. It’s just not healthy.
–116th & Broadway
Mom to five-year-old son eating sandwich at a wake: Put that sandwich down! Your grandfather is dead and you’re eating a sandwich!
Boy: [Spits out food and drops sandwich to floor] Is he alive now?
–Bronx
Overheard by: Culturally Confuzzled Human
Society woman #1: I had no idea she had fallen so far.
Society woman #2: I swear! Not one, not two, but three Ho Hos! And so I said, ‘But this is only lunch!’
–52nd & 5th
Angry black woman to white man close behind her: Son, you got a lotta ass on yo’ dick right now.
–Dense crowd, 4th & 6th
Overheard by: jealous?
Guy to friends: I’m not a one-ass guy, even if it is my own ass.
–26th & 8th
Large black man: I’m grabbin’ booties, so all y’all better move outta my way!
–37th & 7th
Overheard by: daniel
Ghetto fab guy: Well, tickle my ass an’ call me Mary Poppins…
–85th & 2nd
Overheard by: Mitorizu
Dude: My ass likes to eat things.
–76th & Broadway
Overheard by: Hew, the bird
Suit: Now there’s an ass you could rest a loaf of bread on!
–Time Square
Crazy preacher: Lust is a sin. Women, don’t show your butts to men — cover them up, or the seven last plagues will cover them up for you.
–6 train
Overheard by: Zavreio
Ugly chick: Donovan’s is a restaurant suggestion, not an invitation to my pussy!
–Bar
Overheard by: kathy
Dude to friends: When I go out to eat it’s usually, like, places where I can take off all my clothes.
–Brunch, Renaissance Diner
Overheard by: ctoe
Chatty woman in robe: And I thought, this would never happen in New York. In New York you would call and they would say, ‘If you can’t find our restaurant, you’re too stupid to eat here.’
–Bliss Spa, E 57th St
Short black teen: Yo, once I was in this fancy restaurant, and pâté was on the menu, and my friend said, ‘Yo, what the hell is pate?’ I was like, ‘That’s pâté, negro!’
–16th & 1st
Overheard by: A laughing classmate
Uptown bimbette: I read about this place. It’s George Clooney’s new restaurant.
–Café Cluny, W 4th St & W 12th St
Overheard by: Pugparents
Mom to 13-year-old boy: Honey, that was really scatological.
–Bleecker & 6th
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Woman: No, tiny Katie — the one with the enormous mammary protruberances.
–R train, Queens Plaza
Overheard by: I mean I wanna squeeze ’em!
Suit mom to teen daughter: We should go, but before we do, perhaps we should urinate.
–Barnes & Noble, Court St
Overheard by: Zenana
Dude: I have many ways to distance myself from other people. Primarily gastronomically.
–12th St, between 2nd & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: tbull
Man on cell: I am so not litigious. I am, like, violently not litigious.
–66th & Broadway
Overheard by: Nora
Girl: I mean, come on! We’re in college! Can’t the word ‘silly’ stay in the dorms? I mean, there’s a dictionary full of words that could be used to describe something so… erroneous.
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Kate Melvin
Twig #1: I was feeling like a fatty, so I just ate a hard-boiled egg with some flaxseed this morning.
Twig #2: No, I’m a fatty! Was it ground flaxseed?
Twig #1: Of course!
Twig #2: Good girl!
–Starbucks, 114th & Broadway
Chick: … And I’ve been so tired.
Dude: Maybe you should eat more.
Chick: Well, I have been drinking water.
–Post office, 52nd St
Overheard by: what what
