Hipster girl: Of course they do! Of course they feel pain! What are you, stupid? Of course fish feel pain! I feel bad for them! [Eats her bacon and eggs.]

–Igloo Café, Astoria

Overheard by: s h

Guy waiting for yoga class to start: It was such a sacred moment. I was like, ‘Thank you, brother fish, for feeding me.’

–Om Yoga

Musician: You should come hear us tomorrow. We’ve got a new song with the rousing lyrics, ‘Take that trout and throw it out…’

–Café 212, Columbia University

Overheard by: Prefers to keep the trout

20-something chick: They have, like, the best fish ever! Awesome catfish! I didn’t have fish, though. I had tuna.

–Chinatown

Man: Trout on a waffle!

–Jane Restaurant, W Houston St

Overheard by: Thompson

Ugly chick: Donovan’s is a restaurant suggestion, not an invitation to my pussy!

–Bar

Overheard by: kathy

Dude to friends: When I go out to eat it’s usually, like, places where I can take off all my clothes.

–Brunch, Renaissance Diner

Overheard by: ctoe

Chatty woman in robe: And I thought, this would never happen in New York. In New York you would call and they would say, ‘If you can’t find our restaurant, you’re too stupid to eat here.’

–Bliss Spa, E 57th St

Short black teen: Yo, once I was in this fancy restaurant, and pâté was on the menu, and my friend said, ‘Yo, what the hell is pate?’ I was like, ‘That’s pâté, negro!’

–16th & 1st

Overheard by: A laughing classmate

Uptown bimbette: I read about this place. It’s George Clooney’s new restaurant.

–Café Cluny, W 4th St & W 12th St

Overheard by: Pugparents