Tourist man: Hey, look at this! They’re selling this stuff out on the street!
Tourist lady with thick accent: They have no doors! The rodents will steal all their bread!
Store owner: This is not a bread store, ma’am!
Tourist lady: They will steal your bread! The rodents will steal your bread!
Store owner: We have no bread here!
–Canal St
Mother: Honey, save the cookies for later.
Little girl: You’re so mean! I’m gonna sell you on eBay!
–6 train, 59th St
Overheard by: effie
Stewardess: Bagel?
Passenger: Is it from New York or DC?
Stewardess: Oh, I’m sorry, it’s from DC.
Passenger: Thank you for understanding why that’s important.
–Delta plane, from DC to LaGuardia
Coworker chick #1: You ready, spaghetti?
Coworker chick #2: [Silence.]Coworker chick #1: Well?!
Coworker chick #2: Wait, I’m thinking.
Coworker chick #1: Oh, okay.
Coworker chick #2: Like Lawrence Ferlinghetti!
–84th & 3rd
Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.
Guy: Man, sandwiches are good.
Chick: You know, like, sandwiches are the best thing since ‘Nam.
–Deli, 120th & Amsterdam
Male driver, honking and screaming at pedestrians: They’re fucking muffins! You’re waiting in line for fucking 30 minutes for cupcakes! You are all children! Children!
–Line at Magnolia Bakery
Chick: When I say I’m not hungry what I mean is I just want to eat the icing off something.
–Washington Square
Little boy to another: Are you afraid of lollipops?
–8th St & University Pl
Overheard by: W. Liang
Teacher: The Frenchies were happy — we’ve saved their crepes! Ah, oui, oui! Our crepes! Hahaha!
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Liz
Middle-aged man: It’s a three pound ball of opium dipped in chocolate.
–Farmer’s Market, Union Square
NYU girl: I mean, I eat a bowl of chocolate ice cream every night before I go to bed. It’s something you just get used to.
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Overheard by: Amelia
Angry man on cell: Tell me where he is or no dessert!
–Spring & Mulberry St
Overheard by: 2 of the mulberry 3
Dude #1: If I had money I’d eat there everyday.
Dude #2: If you had money I’d kill you and wear you like a pelt.
–Outside Walter Kerr Theater
Girl #1: I’m not going with you.
Girl #2: Why not?
Girl #1: I have to go home and cook for lesbians.
Girl #2: Oh, your mom?
–Times Square
Overheard by: From now on this is my excuse for everything
Headline by: Mandi
Runners-Up:
· “But Don’t They Usually Eat Out?” – Hobo Whisperer
· “I Think I’ll Make Dyke L’Orange” – Peter
· “If I dont do it, dad will do it, and she’s a lousy cook.” – Extra Character
· “Ohhhh Pllllllease…. She licked your pussy once… ONCE!” – Mike Chmiel
· “Pass the Cunnilinguini” – I’m not gross in real life
· “They’d be happy with a box lunch” – Flem
Cheese shop girl: ‘I want a hard cheese…’ Ugh! Hard like Parmesan or–
Cheese shop guy: –I fucking hate people who order by texture!
–F station, Bergen St
Overheard by: Maddy
Hipster girl: Of course they do! Of course they feel pain! What are you, stupid? Of course fish feel pain! I feel bad for them! [Eats her bacon and eggs.]
–Igloo Café, Astoria
Overheard by: s h
Guy waiting for yoga class to start: It was such a sacred moment. I was like, ‘Thank you, brother fish, for feeding me.’
–Om Yoga
Musician: You should come hear us tomorrow. We’ve got a new song with the rousing lyrics, ‘Take that trout and throw it out…’
–Café 212, Columbia University
Overheard by: Prefers to keep the trout
20-something chick: They have, like, the best fish ever! Awesome catfish! I didn’t have fish, though. I had tuna.
–Chinatown
Man: Trout on a waffle!
–Jane Restaurant, W Houston St
Overheard by: Thompson
