Jewish guy: I have to study a lot today.
Spanish guy: Dude, you had the whole weekend to study!
Jewish guy: I had the funeral, and I got food poisoning!
Spanish guy: I can understand the funeral, because, well… But the food poisoning is all your fault — you ate pork and you’re Jewish!
–Starbucks
Overheard by: liz
Father: Can we just go to McDonald’s for dinner?
Little girl: Dad! You know I can’t have trans-fat.
–Queens-bound 7 train
Overheard by: Patricia
Dad: How about pizza for lunch?
Four-year-old boy: No, I think we need to eat something healthier than pizza.
Dad: But it’s really healthy. See, it has all those tomatoes on it.
–Pinnacle
Tourist: What kind of berry is a triberry?
Barista: What?
Tourist: You’re selling a triberry muffin. Well, what’s a triberry? I’ve never heard of that before.
Barista: It has blueberry, strawberry, and raspberry in it. They call it triberry because it has three kinds of berries in it.
Tourist: So there aren’t any triberries in it?
Barista: No.
Tourist: Then why do you call it a triberry muffin? That’s false advertising.
Barista: As I explained, it’s called that because it has three berries in it.
Tourist: But none of those berries are triberries?
Barista: No. There is no such thing as a triberry.
Tourist: I don’t understand.
Barista: Look, do you want the muffin or not?
Tourist: I don’t think so. I don’t want to eat anything unless I know what it is first.
Barista: So what can I get you?
Tourist: Do you have a donut?
Barista: No.
Tourist: Never mind. [leaves]Barista: Dumbass.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Waplow
Late twenties girl: Were you part of that food fight Friday night?
Early thirties guy: Yeah, I got hit with a buttered roll. Someone actually buttered the roll before they threw it.
–6 train
Overheard by: Erica
Girl: It’s this way.
Guy: Are you sure?
Girl: I know where all the Jamba Juice is.
Guy: Are.
Girl: What?
Guy: Are. You know where all the Jamba Juice are.
Girl: Is.
Guy: Are! Each franchise is a separate entity!
Girl: Is! They’re all part of single collective!
Guy: Jamba Juice is not the Borg!
–50th & Broadway
Clerk: My water tastes like the soup we had yesterday. And I can’t decide whether to keep drinking it or not.
–Housing Works Bookstore
Overheard by: Tommy Raiko
Buppie on cell: Listen, I’ll come over, we’ll brew some tea, and then we’ll get hammered.
–Washington Square
Overheard by: Justine
Guy’s guy: My 19th birthday is Monday… Yeah, I think I’m gonna cry… I don’t know, I’ve been crying a lot lately. Like, I was reading a Times Book Review the other day, and at the end I just started crying… I know! I think it’s all the soy milk I’ve been drinking.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Mbeezers
Black lady: Cold water here! Cold water! Come and get your cold water! Black people, come and get your cold water from a sista. Jewish people, come and get your cold water, it’s kosher.
–Union Square
Overheard by: alana landa
Professor: I completely understand if anyone feels like committing suicide after this class. Or drinking a pint of whiskey. Both are appropriate responses.
–Fordham University Rose Hill
Overheard by: raqqy
Short guy in lavender polo: And I just flewww that cranberry juice right up to that wedding!
–Canal St
RA to freshman: Forties are like the new Cristal. They’re economic… They’re sociable… And yeah, yeah that’s it.
–Columbia freshman dorm lounge
Overheard by: Columbia Freshman
Kid #1: … So then I took a waffle and I filled it with eggs and grits and syrup, and I folded the whole thing up and ate it like a taco…
Kid #2: What? You’re going to catch diabetes that way!
Kid #3: What are grits, anyway? What do grits taste like?
Kid #1: Syrup. They taste like syrup.
–Canarsie-bound L train
Woman: And what’s your favorite food?
Little boy: Starbucks!
–19th & Broadway
Dude #1: That restaurant across the street must be amazing. There’s always a crowd outside. Is it really that good?
Dude #2: No. It’s a bus stop.
–65th & Central Park West
