Man to friend: I wonder if that dingleberry fell out of my ass yet.
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: #2
Drunk guy: Yeah, I’d pick corn out of your shit to have sex with you.
–5th & Ave B
Fourth grade boy #1: I love to be eatin’ the dead skin off the bottom of my feet. It be tastin’ mad salty! [Friend smiles and nods in agreement.]
–Classroom, 106th & 1st
Little kid, screaming: Pick my nose! Pick my nose! Pick my nose! Pick my nose!
–JFK
Overheard by: Ladle
Chick to another: She’s a weed-smoking, modern orthodox girl. I mean, I don’t think she goes to her rabbi’s high, but…
–Brooklyn Museum
Overheard by: cole
Professor: … So the art department on the set just smokes pot all day and paints blue boulders.
–Media Productions class, City College
Mini thug: Yo, I wouldn’t even have to be high out of my mind to enjoy this shit!
–Brooklyn Cyclone, Coney Island
Overheard by: Alie
Smoking model on cell: Um, yeah, he’s cute… But, duh — he’s addicted to opiates!
–Houston & Laffayette
Overheard by: Jake
Hobo to girls: How are you smiling in a city filled with a million crackheads?
–56th & 5th
Guy on a rant in front of Imagine mosaic: In my next life I want to be an amoeba! Make more music, smoke more pot… Eating healthily is expensive! We should all have 40 acres and a mule and start all over!
–Strawberry Fields, Central Park
Overheard by: I’ll have what he’s having
Puerto Rican girl: Yo, stop starin’.
Puerto Rican guy: Bitch, I gotta feed my eyes!
–3rd & 2nd
Overheard by: jharris
Little boy tugging on mom’s arm: Mommy, why are we here?
Mom: Because everything’s organic, sweetie.
Little boy, excitedly: I love organic!
–Trader Joe’s, Union Square
Overheard by: Lacy
Guy #1: Actually, I can only have orgasms while I eat good food.
Guy #2: This is why I wear diapers.
–Richardson St & Graham Ave, Williamsburg
Overheard by: martimus
Suit #1: So, I was at lunch, and I went to Subway to get a sandwich…
Suit #2: Uh-huh…
Suit #1: And I ran into this other guy from work as I was walking out, and he says, ‘Oh my god, I had no idea you were the kind of guy who would eat at Subway!’
–The North East Kingdom, Bushwick, Brooklyn
MTA lady to another: I thought he had an earring in his tongue, but it was a meatball! It was like a little extra piece of meat on his tongue!
–3 train station
Chick: Gosh, they keep the kosher kitchen security so tight. What would they do if I just ran in there and touched everything with pork?
–Hewitt dining hall, Barnard College
Overheard by: laughed inside
Bimbette: Yeah, she’s a vegetarian now. No turkey, no meat — nothing. But I don’t know what she’s gonna do at Thanksgiving, because my aunt makes the best eggplant. Wait — is eggplant meat?
–A train
Overheard by: nas
Dude: This girl I know is vegan. She was ordering soup and asked if it had meat in it. It did, and she was pissed… And then I found five dollars!
–23rd & Madison
50-ish woman on cell: The sausages, the arguing… He won’t be back.
–Court St & Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: lisa Santandrea
Really tall guy folding himself into a Toyota Corolla: Don’t let me forget — I have a pocket full of meat!
–7th St, between Ave A & B
Overheard by: Siobhan
Lady suit: Man, I love cheese. You know what I wish I had? A pillow made of cheese. That way I can eat cheese when I’m awake and when I sleep. I can, like, chew on my pillow and I’ll truly be eating cheese 24/7. Wouldn’t that be amazing?
Male suit: Mmm, yes.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: drew roddy
Old UES lady: We want to split the salad. Can they do that for us?
Waiter, patiently: I’m sorry, we don’t split the salads in the kitchen, but I can bring you an extra plate.
Old UES lady: Ugh, I just find that so offensive.
–Candle 79 Restaurant
Overheard by: sypmathetic former waitress
Suit #1: When I dine out I like to enjoy my meal — savor the good food and wine — without any distractions.
Suit #2: Oh, alright, but I thought you’d make an exception for ninjas.
–Water & Broad St
