Thug #1: … And I was like, ‘Damn, baby. I just bought you some pizza, we’re about to see a movie — is it really imperative that I buy you the Justin Timberlake CD so you can listen to it tonight?’
Thug #2: I know what you mean dog. My girl was beggin’ me to buy her that new Akon shit.
Thug #1: Why can’t bitches just be happy?
–116th St station
Queer checking voice mail: Apparently my great aunt just died.
Friend: Oh, I’m so sorry.
Queer: Don’t be. She was a horrid, raging bitch.
Friend: Oh, well… then… ding dong!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Jas
Puerto Rican girl: Yea, he’s Dominican and half black… But not really black, because he’s not loud or obnoxious and doesn’t dress like it.
Friend: So, he’s that good black?
Puerto Rican girl: Right. He’s not even really black at all!
–1 train
Overheard by: CG
Dude: So, how’s Chin Chin doing?
Girl: Oh, pretty good. She just got over that whole vaginal discharge thing. [Awkward silence.]Dude, to another girl: Chin Chin is her dog, by the way.
–NYU dorm elevator
Overheard by: valerie
Girl: If I were stranded somewhere with a dead hooker in my trunk, you’re still the person I’d call.
Guy: To this day, that’s the best compliment I’ve ever received.
–1020 Bar, 110th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Ladle
Hipster to friend: Sometimes I feel like jumping into a bush, curling up into a ball, and punching everything.
Passerby: I dig that.
–Sheep’s Meadow
Overheard by: lenty
Dude: I was at a wedding and this guy asked me if I thought my cousin was cute.
Friend: What did you say?
Dude: I said no, because she’s my cousin. But then he said that she isn’t really my cousin.
Friend: So, are you going to hit that?
Dude: I’m thinking about it. I was like, ‘Whoa!’
–75th & Broadway
Woman: Nobody famous ever comes in where I work.
Man: Well, we got a lot of famous people when I worked in LA.
Woman: Like who?
Man: Charlie Sheen would come into the store all the time.
Woman: Really?
Man: Yeah, but he’s a fucking freak.
Woman: Oh?
Man: Yeah, he’d hold something up and say, ‘Do you think this is good? Do you? Do you? Do you?’ like, all the time. He’s very fucked up.
–6 train
Dude looking at sign for Godiva store: If you look at that sign, you could read it as ‘Go diva.’
Chick: Yeah, if you look at it through gay goggles.
–The Village
Jessie: Tammy, do you think I’m fat? [Silence.] Tammy!
Tammy: What?
Jessie: Do you think I got fat?
Tammy: … Honestly, Jessie, every guy I have hooked up with says he doesn’t like skinny girls.
–Bathroom, Town Tavern, W 3rd & 6th
Overheard by: Flanked In Stalls, St Patty’s genius
