Wednesday One-Liners Keep It Real

Girl sleeping in art class: Tony the Tiger, I wish you were real.

–LaGuardia Arts

Thug to friend: Yo, man, Tourette's is real! They've got it on MTV and everything!

–LIRR

Ditzy-sounding chick on cell: Should I buy some heart-shaped sunglasses? (pause) Why not? (pause) Should I buy some sunglasses that look like real glasses to make me look smart? (pause) Shut the hell up!

–St. Mark's Place

Guy at party: So then I said, "it takes a real man to take a nine inch cock in the ass!"

–13th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: kdub

Young woman, yelling at a bus stop ad for Bret Michael's New Rock of Love: Just stop it! You're not even a real person!

–42nd b/w 6th & 7th

Overheard by: Couldn't agree more

Posted on February 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Backdoor, College, Compare/Contrast, Fashion, Food, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Height, Illness, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Physical appearance, Questions, Thugs, Trains Not Subway, TV, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Nor Can You Smoke Underwater

Smoking girl: I dreamed I was a mermaid. Then I woke up, and I was a mermaid.
Girl's friend: But you can't swim!

–H&M, Penn Station

Posted on February 17, 2009
Dreams, Friends, Girls, Penn Station, Store, Weirdness

I Had Flashbacks to the Last Eight Years

Girl #1: And when that guy jumps out with the saw…that movie was so scary!
Girl #2: Yeah. It was politically scary.

–Columbia University

Posted on February 17, 2009
Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Fears, Film, Girls, Politics

Watch Me Pull a Rabbit Out Of It!

Guy to friend: Hey, did you notice that after every time you got on this (points to self) you end up with a boyfriend?
Girl: What? Oh man, you're right! It's like you have a magic pee-pee!
Guy: Yeah.

–Penn Station

Posted on February 17, 2009
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Compliments, Friends, Girls, Guys, Magic, Penn Station, Relationships

We Blame Woody Allen for Popularizing the Chronic Misuse Of “Nauseous”

20-something artsy hipster girl #1: I am just nauseous trying to process the brilliance of his art. I can't even process it yet.
20-something artsy hipster girl #2: Oh, I totally know what you mean.

–James Jean Show, Chelsea

Posted on February 16, 2009
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Girls, Hipsters, Stupidity, Visual Art

And the One Written in Pictographs Took Up an Entire Subway Car

Girl on A train: Why are all the signs advertising English language courses written in English?
Brother in a white hat: So people can read it, stupid!

–A Train

Overheard by: Closely Watching on the A Train

Posted on February 13, 2009
Brothers, Girls, Insults, Language Barrier, Languages, On the Subway, Questions

As in “Puttin' On the Fritz”?

Hipster chick #1: Yeah, my cell phone was on the…uh…skitz?
Hipster chick #2: “Skitz”?
Hipster chick #1: Maybe not. “Skitz” is like the streaks left in the toilet after you take a shit.
Hipster chick #2: You meant “on the Fritz”

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: The Katie

Posted on February 13, 2009
Cell Phone, Girls, Hipsters, Poop, Questions, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Words

Or at Least Scissor-Kick Him to the Face

Hobo, sticking his face in cab window: Oh shit, it's Charlie's Angels!
Girl inside: Shut the door! Shut the door!

–Outside Gansevoort Hotel

Posted on February 12, 2009
Girls, Hobos, Hotels, Physical appearance, TV, Weirdness

Why Wilson Philips Eventually Disbanded

Heavy-set girl: It's just so hard to lose weight, you know.
Friend: What? (pause) I'm sorry, I was lost in your chins.

–34th St

Posted on February 12, 2009
Body Parts, Diet/Weight, Friends, Girls, Physical appearance, Street

We Were Told There'd Be No Math on This Wednesday One-Liner

Girl on cell: I would have had to study way a lot more to do better on that exam.

–72nd St & Broadway

Student: I cheated on every test in that class…I even cheated on the survey!

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Liz

Guy: I can't decide which song to listen to. (girls around him look at him quizzically) No, I normally listen to Van Halen's Right Now before a test, but this is my first exam in law school, and I want to set a precedent.

–Fordham Law School Cafeteria, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: pumpkin

Guy on phone: Yeah, normally in these situations I'd knock on my head, but I need my brain for the test today, so I'm not going to pretend it's wood.

–Ditmars & 31st St

Overheard by: Natalie

Student on phone: So what? I don't care that they're mad at me for getting pregnant again. I've got bigger things to deal with…two finals in one day.

–Fordham University, Rose Hill

Proctor: Okay, now don't leave any of the answers blank, cause it will be wrong. If you don't know, take a guess. It's like lotto: "Hey, you never know."

–New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene

Overheard by: Kristina

Posted on February 11, 2009
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, College, Compare/Contrast, Education, Fordham, Girls, Guys, Hospitals, Lies, Music, On Cell, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Street, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Girls

As in “Puttin' On the Fritz”?