Girl #1: Did you hear that Theresa got sent to alcohol reform?
Girl #2: No, what is that?
Girl #1: It's like a reform thing, like remedial classes, where they force you to like, do things to decrease your drinking.
Girl #2: What!?
–City College of New York
Girl #1: I don't think I'll be dating anyone anytime soon.
Girl #2: But why? We'll be going to college in a few months.
Girl #1: I know, but I just don't think I can settle for anything less than an Italian R&B singer.
–77th & 3rd
Girl #1: I saw Sigourney Weaver!
Girl #2: Really?
Girl #1: Yes! She walked right past me!
Girl #2: Did you die?
Girl #1: Yes, I did.
Girl #2: That's awesome.
–55th & Lexington
Chick #1: So I added him on Facebook.
Chick #2: Oooooh, that's a little desperate.
Chick #1: But he texted me first! I was just following the natural order of events.
Chick #3: I added him on Facebook like a week ago.
Chick #2: But you didn't give him head behind a bar.
Chick #1: He texted me before I added him! It is not desperate!
–NYU
Overheard by: kelly
Girl holding Cosmopolitan magazine, showing page to friend: Whoa! Read number eleven!
Friend: Will you guys please shut up?
Friend reading magazine: Oh, I've done that.
Girl with magazine: Wait…what's a “come-hither motion”?
Other friend, looking up at ceiling: Please kill me now.
–E Train
Overheard by: AES
Dude: He had a bracelet with a universal handcuff key hidden on the inside in case he ever got in trouble.
Chick: What?
Dude: Yeah, I don't hang out with him much anymore.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Nathan
Hipster guy: I need some toothpaste and…what else did I say I needed?
Hipster girl, shouting: Condoms!
Hipster guy: Shhhhh!
(everyone in store starts chuckling)
Hipster girl: The extra small ones.
Hipster guy: Shhhh!
Hipster girl: With a juicy flavor!
–Rite Aid, 6th Ave & 11th St
Girl #1: I like him a lot. I think I'm even gonna tell him I watch The Hills.
Girl #2: Wow, you *do* like him.
–113th & Broadway
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Girl: How much for a pig in a blanket?
Thug #1: A what now?
Girl: A pig in a blanket. See, there. (points to pretzel dogs)
Thug #1: Oh, a hot dog!
Thug #2: A hot dog?
Thug #1: A hot dog! Like, I thought she meant a pig wrapped up in a blanket.
–Pretzel stand, Penn Station
Headline by: E-Man>Master of the UNIVERSE!
Runners-Up:
· “And I Still Don’t Get Why People Ask for Rocks in Their Drinks at the Bar!” – time in a cube
· “Because a Hot Dog Is a Much More Logical Name for Them” – shah
· “Do You Mean MY Pig in YOUR Blanket?” – Joe
· “In Their Defense, There Was a Cop Wearing Layers Right Next to the Hot Dog Stand” – Andrew
· “Like My Penis” – Vivi
· “No, No, Those Are the HOBO Dogs” – Sodajerk
· “Those’re Five Bucks, but You Gotta Know a Guy in Chinatown” – Seth
· “When She Asked for a Bloody Mary He Fainted” – Brik
· “Yo, I Just Be Keepin It Literal” – jason
Woman on cell: That's why I moved to Brooklyn: I hate people!
–Carrol Gardens
Overheard by: Smegma
Man on cell: No, no, no! You go to Brooklyn and suck that sweet white dick for free!
–35th & 8th
Brooklyn guy to date: I would walk all over Brooklyn for you! I would even walk all over Queens for you, you're so sweet!
–Tonio's Restaurant, 7th & 8th, Park Slope
Overheard by: D-Law
Train conductor: Because of a sick passenger at Clark Street, some of us may not be making it to Brooklyn…I'll let you know.
–Downtown 3 Train
Overheard by: D-Law
Conductor: This is York Street, the first stop in beautiful Brooklyn…yay!
–F Train
