Thanks, Dad.

45-year-old man: … And since I’m on my way to a business meeting, this drink I just bought you is tax deductible.
College girl: Well, that’s nice, I guess.
45-year-old man: Yeah, you’ve got a big butt and you’re tax deductible. That’s how I like them.

–Coffee Shop Bar, 14th St

Headline by: Snark Sloper

Runners-Up:
· “Accountant Pickup Line #65337-2366-26637-1” – Works For Me
· “Baby Got Back. — Cf, Form 1040 Schedule C Line 27” – chris
· “Monica Lewinsky: This Sounds Familiar…” – D. Kareem
· “Until She Capital Gains All That Weight” – Vasyl

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on September 13, 2007
Age/Aging, Ass, Business and Commerce, Compliments, Creepsters, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Headline Contest Winners, Men, Money & Class, Restaurants & Cafes, Students

… Are You As Turned on As I Am?

Guy: I’m exhausted as fuck.
Chick: Good for you.
Guy: Shut up, you twunt.
Chick: Did you just try to combine ‘twat’ and ‘cunt’?
Guy: Some of my friends created it.
Chick: No wonder it’s retarded. It completely takes away from both insults, which are perfectly functional and to the point by themselves.
Guy: You’re such a little bitch.

–181st & Ft. Washington

Overheard by: LSB

Posted on September 11, 2007
Couples, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Nicknames & name calling, Questions, Words

Don’t Drink Anything That’s Been Out of Your Sight!

Chick: So, today I went to the doctor, and in the waiting room there was this gay guy who told me he liked my Steve Maddens. [Three guys across from her stare blankly.] Oh my god, I’m eating dinner with three straight men.

–Restaurant, 6th Ave

Posted on September 10, 2007
Girls, Restaurants & Cafes, Sexuality

Funny, I Thought It Was Kiss-Off Time

Girl #1: I see them. They’re waiting for us. Do you think they can see us?
Girl #2: Oh, no, he’s calling me! What do I do? I’m not answering. Let’s just wait for them to leave.
Girl #3: Didn’t he say there was going to be a group of them? There’s only three.
Girl #2: I know! And his friend isn’t even there. He said he was coming. He said he was going to give my number to his friend, too. He totally scumbagged him! We’re not going over there.
Girl #1: At least we are warm.
Girl #2: They’re wearing khakis. This guy is so sneaky.
Girl #3: They’re coming this way!
Girl #1: They’re coming in!
Girl #2: Oh, shit! What do I do?! This guy is such a loser. I know it’s mean, but what he’s doing is f’ed up. His friend was standing there when I gave my number. He was really cute and funny. [Ducks as guys enter.]Girl #1, whispering: They’re headed over here.
Girl #2: Hey! How are you? We were just on our way over!
Creepy guy: Hey, thought you weren’t coming. It’s hug time! Get over here!

–Starbucks, Astor Pl

Overheard by: L.C.

Posted on September 7, 2007
Girls, Relationships, Starbucks

For Them, Offspring Are Like Bridesmaids

Girl: I always get suspicious when I see hot, thin moms with fat little daughters, because you know they’re making them fat so that they don’t turn out hotter than them.
Guy: What?
Girl: I’m serious, I’ve seen it happen! You know that’s what Christine’s mom did to her.

–E train

Overheard by: Dness

Posted on September 2, 2007
Diet/Weight, Girls, On the Subway

It’s the American Geopolitical Attention Span

Dude: So you’re upset?
Chick: No, not any more. He just said something about Azerbaijan and I got sort of temporarily angry.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Abram

Posted on September 2, 2007
Girls, Talking/Convos, Washington Square Park

I Had No Idea You Were That Sort of Person

Teen girl #1: What do you want to do now?
Teen girl #2: Get something to eat.
Teen girl #1: Ew!

–59th & Columbus

Posted on August 27, 2007
Food, Girls, Idiots, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Teens

Life’s Always Interfering with My Drug Habits

Girl #1: I think I have to stop eating cheese.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: I get this really awful nasal drip and it makes me cough so bad that sometimes I even throw up!
Girl #2: That happens because of cheese?
Girl #1: Well, I think it’s also because of drinking and smoking… But I can figure out other ways to eat, but I don’t know how else to get fucked up!

–Stir Cafe

Overheard by: Tom Banjo