Hobo: Spare some change?
Hipster dude: Uh, I gave some to the last guy.
Hobo: Hey man, this ain’t a unionized situation.
–34th & 7th
Hobo: Spare some change?
Hipster dude: Uh, I gave some to the last guy.
Hobo: Hey man, this ain’t a unionized situation.
–34th & 7th
Hobo: Well, mathematically speaking, I’m fucked.
–2nd Avenue station
Overheard by: Maddog
Hobo: I don’t steal. I don’t snatch purses. I don’t bother women. But don’t get me wrong, I’m not a homosexual. But I do bathe. And I do sleep on the subway ’cause I am a bum.
–4 train
Overheard by: Jen McC.
Hobo: Anybody want to take the day off and cuddle with me? It’s kosher!
–52nd & 5th
Overheard by: Jess
Hobo: I’m just tryin’ to get some pussy here and all y’all gotta come up in here and bother me. Damn.
–PATH train
Overheard by: Everett Moran
Hobo: I’ve been shitting plastic lately.
–Q60 bus
Overheard by: Ben
Hobo: Please help me…Please help me…I need money to buy popcorn…Please help me…I need a hot meal…I need money to buy popcorn.
–53rd & Park
Hobo: Uh oh, uh oh! You make a big doo-doo! It’s okay. I make big doo-doos too.
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Melissa Cole
Hobo: Spare a little change, girls? That’s all right, God bless you…even the Chinese girl.
–Bank & Bleecker
Hobo: The tax man has a licence to kill. No questions asked. More people should know that.
–5th Avenue-53rd Street station
Overheard by: Tzvi Tampa
Hobo: If you see a suspicious black package on this train do not pick it up. If you see a large, black package on my seat after I leave, do not worry. It is not a bomb. I’ve been riding this train for fifteen years. Leave it for the Coney island clean-up crew. They’ll take care of it. It is not a weapon, it is not filled with hundred dollar bills, just don’t touch it…Did you know that Union Square is a hundred years older than Times Square?
–N train
Overheard by: Zelda
Hobo: Ladies and gentlemen, sorry for the interruption. I am trying to raise one million dollars and 25 cents for wine research.
–4 train
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Hobo: All you people who just got on the train, everybody in this car already gave me $7. Everybody gave me $7 but you.
–6 train
Girl: So I saw this homeless guy walking down the street with, like, all the bags and stuff, and he had something bewtween his teeth!
–6 train
Hobo: Hey man, help an ugly dude out, will ya?
–33rd & 8th
Overheard by: Brian Graham
Hobo: What’s the holdup? Let’s get this train moving! There’s people gots to go to work, gots to go to school! There’s pregnant people! Court musicians!
–R train
Hobo: Yeah, a couple of Jewish lawyers out to fuck the world…Shee-it.
–42nd & Lexington
Overheard by: Ronald A. Veenker
Queer: You know who I feel really bad for? Really ugly people.
–Mug’z Sports Bar, Belmont
Hobo: Hey, man. I got your back.
Guy: Got my back on what?
Hobo: I saw you park your car.
Guy: What are you, a fucking valet?
Hobo: Listen, man. You got some change? I just wanna buy me a beer. I ain’t gonna lie to you…Today’s my birfday!
–96th & Broadway
Overheard by: Dirty Mike
Old lady: Where’s the yellow incense for the dead people?
–Titan Foods, LIC
Overheard by: Evan C. Kirchmer
Hipster guy: Two black guys fucking two white bitches on Martin Luther King day. That shit’s trippy. I bet that was what that whole “I have a dream” shit was really about. The right to fuck white bitches.
–Starbucks, 28th & 3rd
Teen girl: …You know they didn’t have guns back then…But if they did, Jesus would have shot them niggas.
–Williamsburg
Hobo #1: Who’s gonna win? Who’s gonna win?
Hobo #2: I’ll tell you who’s gonna win. The Seattle Steelers.
–125th & Lexington
Overheard by: Mel
Hobo: Excuse me, this is a picture of my daughter Sofiya, she was in a fire recently and now she is brain damage can you spare some change so that we can give her a proper funeral? Anything will help, even a penny.
Man: Wait a minute! Is this the same daughter that was in a fire last summer? You mean to tell me you haven’t buried her yet?
–4 train
Overheard by: Leslie DJ
Bag lady: Could someone spare some change? My welfare was denied.
Crazy lady: Yeah, yeah, they denied mine the first time too. Get over it.
Man: Does anyone know how to get to–
Crazy lady: They aren’t listening, they aren’t going to talk to you. They can’t talk. They are all mute.
–F train
