Man: You’d better get out of the way.
Hobo: It’ll be $3 to get off the train.
Man: I’m getting off this train if I have to climb over you.
Hobo: Climbing over me is $5.
–5 train
Overheard by: BWA
Man: You’d better get out of the way.
Hobo: It’ll be $3 to get off the train.
Man: I’m getting off this train if I have to climb over you.
Hobo: Climbing over me is $5.
–5 train
Overheard by: BWA
Girl: I know you’re not religious, but do you believe in dinosaurs?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Sasha
Hobo: You want to see the ugliest person…Look over there at the lady in the brown coat. Don’t look though, it could be scary. It’ll electrify ya. Scare ya stiff. That, my friends, is ugly.
–L train
Overheard by: Jess
Hobo: Can you spare some change? I need some money to get inebriated tonight.
Girl: I need all of the money I have to get myself inebriated tonight!
Hobo: Well good luck, bitch!
–5th Avenue & 9th Street
Overheard by: Gwyneth
Hobo #1: Penny for the homeless?
Hobo #2: You’ve got to be universal, you can’t just ask the pretty women.
–14th & Broadway
Overheard by: Joe Q
Hobo: Spare some change?
Hipster dude: Uh, I gave some to the last guy.
Hobo: Hey man, this ain’t a unionized situation.
–34th & 7th
Hobo: Well, mathematically speaking, I’m fucked.
–2nd Avenue station
Overheard by: Maddog
Hobo: I don’t steal. I don’t snatch purses. I don’t bother women. But don’t get me wrong, I’m not a homosexual. But I do bathe. And I do sleep on the subway ’cause I am a bum.
–4 train
Overheard by: Jen McC.
Hobo: Anybody want to take the day off and cuddle with me? It’s kosher!
–52nd & 5th
Overheard by: Jess
Hobo: I’m just tryin’ to get some pussy here and all y’all gotta come up in here and bother me. Damn.
–PATH train
Overheard by: Everett Moran
Hobo: I’ve been shitting plastic lately.
–Q60 bus
Overheard by: Ben
Hobo: Please help me…Please help me…I need money to buy popcorn…Please help me…I need a hot meal…I need money to buy popcorn.
–53rd & Park
Hobo: Uh oh, uh oh! You make a big doo-doo! It’s okay. I make big doo-doos too.
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Melissa Cole
Hobo: Spare a little change, girls? That’s all right, God bless you…even the Chinese girl.
–Bank & Bleecker
Hobo: The tax man has a licence to kill. No questions asked. More people should know that.
–5th Avenue-53rd Street station
Overheard by: Tzvi Tampa
Hobo: If you see a suspicious black package on this train do not pick it up. If you see a large, black package on my seat after I leave, do not worry. It is not a bomb. I’ve been riding this train for fifteen years. Leave it for the Coney island clean-up crew. They’ll take care of it. It is not a weapon, it is not filled with hundred dollar bills, just don’t touch it…Did you know that Union Square is a hundred years older than Times Square?
–N train
Overheard by: Zelda
Hobo: Ladies and gentlemen, sorry for the interruption. I am trying to raise one million dollars and 25 cents for wine research.
–4 train
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Hobo: All you people who just got on the train, everybody in this car already gave me $7. Everybody gave me $7 but you.
–6 train
Girl: So I saw this homeless guy walking down the street with, like, all the bags and stuff, and he had something bewtween his teeth!
–6 train
Hobo: Hey man, help an ugly dude out, will ya?
–33rd & 8th
Overheard by: Brian Graham
Hobo: What’s the holdup? Let’s get this train moving! There’s people gots to go to work, gots to go to school! There’s pregnant people! Court musicians!
–R train
Hobo: Yeah, a couple of Jewish lawyers out to fuck the world…Shee-it.
–42nd & Lexington
Overheard by: Ronald A. Veenker
Queer: You know who I feel really bad for? Really ugly people.
–Mug’z Sports Bar, Belmont
Hobo: Hey, man. I got your back.
Guy: Got my back on what?
Hobo: I saw you park your car.
Guy: What are you, a fucking valet?
Hobo: Listen, man. You got some change? I just wanna buy me a beer. I ain’t gonna lie to you…Today’s my birfday!
–96th & Broadway
Overheard by: Dirty Mike
Old lady: Where’s the yellow incense for the dead people?
–Titan Foods, LIC
Overheard by: Evan C. Kirchmer
