The Aptly Named Checkout Counter

Checkout lady: School supplies? You gotta buy this in September, not December!
Chick: I know, but my little cousins want school supplies for Christmas, they wanna play teacher. I’m just following orders.
Checkout lady: Christmas?
Chick: Yeah, Christmas, it’s a gift.
Checkout lady: What about Hanukkah?
Chick: What about it?
Checkout lady: You ever heard of it?
Chick: Yeah, but these are a Christmas gift.
Checkout lady: You Jewish? Which half?
Chick: Only the good half.

Checkout lady: You a teacher?
Chick: No, a librarian.
Checkout lady: You look too young to have finished college. How old are you? Twenty?
Chick: No, I finished college.
Checkout lady: You eighteen?
Chick: No, I’m twenty-three.
Checkout lady: Oh. You gotta get married, then.

–K-Mart, Staten Island

Overheard by: Becka Dash

Posted on December 23, 2005
Age/Aging, Cashiers, Customers, Holidays, Staten Island

I’m Thankful for My Intelligence

Tween girl #1: Gina, you know you look a lot taller when you run.
Tween girl #2: That’s because she’s up in the air more, dummy.

–Battery Park

Suit: Thanksgiving is on a Friday, right?

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: Andrew Richter

Posted on November 24, 2005
Battery Park, Holidays, Idiots, Stupidity, Suits, Tweens

Wednesday One-liners for Tomorrow

Suit on cell: Yo Chucky, what’re you doing for the holiday?…You’re
frying it?…Like, deep frying? Yes, that’s weird…I think it’ll taste funny…I hope you remember to pluck all the feathers.

–Madison Square Park

Posted on November 23, 2005
All Wednesday One-Liners, Food, Holidays, Madison Square Garden, On Cell, Parks, Suits

Unless They Get Disowned (Happy Halloween!)

Guy: So you still going to be an elf for Halloween?
Girl: No, actually I’m going to be a fairy, but fairies are part of the elf family.

–6th & B

Posted on October 31, 2005
Friends, Holidays, Union Square and East Village, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!

“They don’t; I ate their brains!” (Happy Halloween)

College girl: Is it possible to bring back the dead?
Professor guy: Well, for now, scientists are working on making a
single cell, which is creating life. That’s not the same as bringing
back the dead. That poses the “life after death” question.
College girl: I think about zombies all of the time.
Professor guy: All of the time?
College girl: Yeah, I’m always thinking about zombies.
Professor guy: What do your parents think?

–Meyer Hall, Washington Place

Overheard by: Steven Greenbaum

Posted on October 31, 2005
Holidays, Lower Manhattan, Students, Teachers/Professors, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!

Treats and Tricks (Happy Halloween)

Queer: Can you hold this shirt for me ’til tomorrow?
Shop trannie: No, we can’t put costumes on hold.
Queer: Well, I want to be, like, this Louis XIV go-go boy, and I already got the short shorts and everything, and this shirt would go perfect but I just can’t afford it ’til tomorrow.

–Halloween Adventure, 4th Avenue

Overheard by: sharyn jackson

Girl: Do you have any more slut-nurses?
Counter guy: No, we’re all out of slut-nurses, but we have some slut-devils and some slut-flight attendents.

–Ricky’s, 8th Avenue

Overheard by: Josh Caldwell

Guy: What’s she going as for Halloween?
Girl: A newsie.
Guy: Oh.
Girl: I knew she’d steal my idea, stupid ho-bag.

–Elevator, Water Street Residence

Overheard by: Dan & Travis

Guy: I’ve always loved this mask, it’s so cool.
Girl: Yeah, I guess.
Guy: I mean, I guess I should, considering…
Girl: Right.
Guy: I mean, I was in the movie.
Girl: That was like a decade ago.
Guy: So?
Girl: Yeah, but you were a fucking extra. And you didn’t even have a single line.

–Ricky’s, 22nd & 3rd

Guy: What is this, All Harlots’ Eve?

–3rd Avenue & 8th Street

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Posted on October 31, 2005
Clothing, Customers, Elevators, Girls, Guys, Holidays, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Queers, Store, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport