Conductor: To all the men on the train, Happy Father’s Day. And to all the ladies on the train who wear two hats, Happy Father’s Day to you, too.
–1 train
Overheard by: Eli Feldblum
Conductor: To all the men on the train, Happy Father’s Day. And to all the ladies on the train who wear two hats, Happy Father’s Day to you, too.
–1 train
Overheard by: Eli Feldblum
Store girl: Here’s your receipt and have a happy holiday!
Store guy: The holidays are over.
Store girl: Valentine’s Day is coming up.
–Mazzone True Value Hardware, Carroll Gardens
Overheard by: Rob
Thug guy: Yo, happy New Year’s, man.
Janitor guy: New Year’s is over, yo.
Thug guy: Happy Mother’s Day!
–Port Authority
MC guy: So…you’ve probably been out hitting the New Year’s sales…What’s the next holiday to get its own sale? Martin Luther King, Jr. Day? I wonder how they’ll promote that sale.
Audience guy: …Free at last!
–Sidewalk Cafe, Avenue A
Hobo: Hi. My name’s Lloyd. Most of you all know me by now. Yes, I’m still coaching basketball. I just wanted to say, have a happy holiday, and if you don’t have change–
Man: It’s happy Christmas, not happy holiday.
Hobo: You should know that some people don’t celebrate Christmas.
Man: Fuck ’em.
–N train
Woman: We were playing Christmas music last night. If you listen to the words, a lot of those songs really mean something.
–Rockefeller Center
Yuppie girl #1: God, this train is so crowded.
Yuppie girl #2: I hate it when the train is packed like this.
Yuppie girl #1: I just want to shove people, but there’s nowhere to shove them to, it’s so crowded.
Guy: Whoa, peace on earth, goodwill toward men, everyone just settle down.
–1 train
Old lady #1: Even when they say “happy holidays” to me, I say “merry Christmas” back.
Old lady #2: Good for you.
–34th & 7th
Overheard by: Kenneth Grider
Woman: So when is Christmas this year?
Man: Um. I think it’s on Sunday this year.
Woman: No, I mean what date is it?
–Clinton Hill
Overheard by: Megan Winget
Dude: There are about 20 mice running around the glassed-in area over there.
Store guy: Oh yeah. We know. Every Starbucks has mice.
Store chick: They’re cute!
–Starbucks, Astor Place
Overheard by: The Tep
Store guy: Welcome to K-mart! Happy Holidays! Merry Christmas!
Woman: Yeah, whatever. Um, where do you have the rat poison?
–K-mart, East 8th Street
Overheard by: Aerialist
Businessman: Yeah, I had to fire like 8 people one Christmas eve.
Businesslady: Oh! Ha, ha, ha, ha.
–Liberty & Nassau
Overheard by: Erika
Girl: Santa Claus is from Finland, you know.
Guy #1: Oh yeah?
Girl: Yeah, he’s not from the North Pole like you think he is…I know him, I can ask him about you.
Guy #1: Oh yeah? Well, have I been naughty all these years?
Girl: I don’t know, I’d have to go back and ask him.
Guy #1: Yeah, find out why I haven’t been getting presents all these years.
Guy #2: He’s Jewish.
Woman: Are you from Finland, then?
Girl: Yes.
Woman: Are you Santa Claus’ granddaughter, then?
Girl: Oh yeah, and we’re from the same town in Finland…and he’s not fake, he’s real!
–L train
Overheard by: Kaitie
Checkout lady: School supplies? You gotta buy this in September, not December!
Chick: I know, but my little cousins want school supplies for Christmas, they wanna play teacher. I’m just following orders.
Checkout lady: Christmas?
Chick: Yeah, Christmas, it’s a gift.
Checkout lady: What about Hanukkah?
Chick: What about it?
Checkout lady: You ever heard of it?
Chick: Yeah, but these are a Christmas gift.
Checkout lady: You Jewish? Which half?
Chick: Only the good half.
Checkout lady: You a teacher?
Chick: No, a librarian.
Checkout lady: You look too young to have finished college. How old are you? Twenty?
Chick: No, I finished college.
Checkout lady: You eighteen?
Chick: No, I’m twenty-three.
Checkout lady: Oh. You gotta get married, then.
–K-Mart, Staten Island
Overheard by: Becka Dash
