Traveling stud: I met this girl while I was vacationing with my wife and kids, so I took her back to my room.
Friend: Why didn’t you go to her room?
Traveling stud: She was traveling with her parents.
Friend: That’s so awesome!
–Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: Erin
Lady on cell: … And now I find out that I’m living a double life.
–Waverly & 6th
Overheard by: Surfer Dude #1
Fake blonde: Just get it. You only live once a year.
–Food Emporium
Overheard by: jason
Conductor: Because of construction this train will be making express stops. The MTA reminds all passengers that to better serve our customers construction will be going on for the rest of your lives.
–F train, Jay St/Borough Hall
Overheard by: Robert
Man to teary-eyed daughter: What’s not important? A camel. What is important? Our lives.
–Starbucks, 42nd St
Overheard by: burnsides
Girl on cell: Well, how would Mom know what to do? Back in the old days a woman who slept with your husband never baked you a pie!
–5th Ave
Overheard by: at a loss
Guy: Man, I’ve been married two days and I want to cheat!
–W 4th St station
Overheard by: noseinabook
Chick on cell: Oh my god, now they’re fighting… Yes! She’s screaming at him in the middle of street! No, she has no idea we got back together… I don’t know, but it’s really creepy — it’s like she knew we’d be here this morning — she walked in like two minutes after we did… Oh my god, she’s coming in! Quick, get down here and make out with me so she thinks I’m a lesbian!
–Starbucks, Union Square
Overheard by: That works…
Guy at table: … And I’ve got my finger in another guy’s wife’s pussy, basically…
–Outside Starbucks, Cooper Union
Overheard by: Paul
Woman on cell: I apologize in advance, but you know I love you. And if you weren’t married, I’d be in love with you.
–35th & Lenox, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Rei
Middle-aged lady on cell: Okay, honey, bye-bye. I still love you even though you have a wife and kid.
–JetBlue flight, JFK runway
Hot blonde: … So that fucking asshat actually cried and said, ‘Is this because you have morals and I don’t?’ And I was like, ‘Yes, you fucking asshat. I’m dumping you because you have no morals and you cheated on me with femdoms!’
–Central Park
Bimbette on cell: He cheated on me! Yes, he did! He cheated on me and then I gave him another chance and he cheated on me again. And then I gave him another chance and he cheated on me again… Well, I gave him another chance because he would write me these nice love letters…
–12th & Broadway
Chick: Whoa, you were married?
Guy: Yup. Six years.
Chick: What happened?
Guy: Ummm… We were too different.
Chick: Different how?
Guy: Well, I’m the kind of person who wanted to pay off all his med school bills and live abroad for a few years. She’s the kind of person who wanted to fuck other guys.
Chick: [Shocked.]Guy: Hey, you asked.
–F train, York St
Guy #1: So you have a girlfriend?
Guy #2: Yes, but I cheat on her. We have been dating for six years so I feel entitled,
naturally.
–43rd St & 10th Ave
Little boy: My mom used to go to the doctor because she couldn’t have a baby.
Nanny: Oh, really?
Little boy: Yep. Now, she just goes to the landlord.
–Canal & Broadway
Overheard by: Rhea
Prep #1: I can’t believe he cheated on her! That sucks!
Prep #2: I know. It sucks so bad, it’s practically ridiculous. I can’t think of anything worse than that.
Hobo: I can! The Holocaust!
–42nd and Broadway
Thug boy: He’s a really nice guy.
Thug girl: No, he cheated on Betty twice!
Thug boy: True.
–Steinway St, Astoria
