Infidelity

Wednesday One-Liners You Can Take Home to Mom

20-something gal: I didn’t really like him, I just wanted a boyfriend.

–Fulton & Gold

Overheard by: Craig, Marykate and Maryanne

20-something girl on cell: What, my boyfriend? Oh, he’s with his wife tonight.

–Remsen & Clinton, Brooklyn

Flamboyantly gay man (to himself): He’s just jealous because I have a new boyfriend!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Liz

French woman, earnestly: I’m okay with him sleeping with my boyfriend as long as he starts paying for his own drinks.

–1020 Bar, 110th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Hipster bike punk: I call her my special lady friend and she calls me her gentlemen caller… because boyfriend and girlfriend are too possessive.

–Mud Bar, East Village

Overheard by: raf

Here’s Where the Story Ends, Wednesday One-liners

Hipster on cell: Best case scenario is: I talk, and you say
nothing. We have nothing to talk about.

–65th & 2nd

Overheard by: Gregorio and Robyn

Queer: Instead of cheating, I define it as an indiscretion.

–Posh, W. 51st Street

Overheard by: Nick Salvato

Dude on cell: …yeah..you are breaking up…wha? no…I meant your voice is breaking up…nope…wha? no…I don’t want to break up with you…hello…hello…

–West 4th & Macdougal

Dude on cell: So how’s the single life?…Well, that’s good, because if you were pregnant, I’d stick my fist in your twat and pull that thing outta there…I said, I’d stick my fist in your twat. Yeah, I would…Because I’m not really ready to be a dad right now, you know?

–LIRR

Overheard by: maura johnston

Paradox: If All Men Are Liars, Did he Cheat or Not?

Girl: Just tell me!
Guy: Well what do you think? Do you think I cheated on you, yes or no?
Girl: No!
Guy: Wrong.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Emma

Oh Honey, That Never Takes Much

Girl #1: He doesn't even love you.
Girl #2: Yeah, but I'm the only one who can get him to cheat on his wife!

–Webster Hall

And… I Have No Second Point to Make

Girlfriend: This guy told me that a girl told you it would be worth your while to cheat on me!
Boyfriend: First of all, I didn’t tell her I had a girlfriend…

–F train

Not with So Many People, Anyway.

Woman #1: I wish he would do me like that more often.
Woman #2: Why?
Woman #1: So I wouldn’t have to cheat on him anymore.

–40th & Park

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Social Construct

Angry construction worker to befuddled construction worker: Don't look at me like that! Don't say that to me! Go home and fuck my wife, asshole!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Jumana

Construction working to another: Man, I need to get me a bi girlfriend. She'd be lovin' me, and I'd be lovin' her friends.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Rich R.

Construction worker, singing: If there's a skeeter on your Peter/whack it off! (claps twice)

–Waverly Place & 5th Ave

Overheard by: steph

Tough construction worker, unloading van: Yo, I was up til like 2 am watchin' Scooby Doo Where Are You!

–Humboldt & Withers

Overheard by: francesca

Construction worker, staring up at construction skyscraper: It's all twisted. It's going to come down.

–Williams St

Overheard by: Sonya

Nah, She’s Married to Seal

Guy: You’re married, right?
Woman: Yes.
Guy: I’m too black and ugly for you anyways, right?

–Park Avenue

Overheard by: Skid

He’s Cheating on Me with Joe

College girl #1: I found out Mike’s cheating on me. I’m, like, totally devastated.
College girl #2: Ugh. What an asshole. How’d you find out?
College girl #1: Joe told me last week after we hooked up.
College girl #2: Ugh… Mike is such a jerk…

–Macy’s

Overheard by: Merlyn

Sometimes We All Get Together and Play Trivial Pursuit

Chonga #1: I never said I was goin out wit him, we just went places together. I wouldn't say I was goin out wit a married man…
Chonga #2: Mmmm-hmmm.
Chonga #1: At least I not da only ho!

–J Train

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