Middle-aged woman: I really never cared for skiing, but I was so alone in my marriage, I found it was a great way to meet men.
–Burritoville, 77th & 2nd
Meathead #1, to meathead #2: Hey! Want to go to a ballroom club?
–47th & Madison
Guy, to passersby: Game of chess? Play chess? Chess?…Also got chronic.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Phil
Hoochie: I thought you had a girlfriend! Do you love her?
Guy: She’s not here.
Hoochie: You’re just horny. Do you love her?
Guy: Are you horny?
Hoochie: I just had sex with three guys.
Guy: I love her.
–Bar, Brooklyn
Overheard by: J Intellect
Girl #1: So I think I saw a picture of this guy I know from class in Cosmo the other day. He was describing how he once cheated on his girlfriend.
Girl #2: No way! That guy has some balls, huh?
Girl #1: Huh? I don’t know. It was a picure of his face.
–Starbucks, 14th & 6th
Loud girl #1: So, are you going to tell Eric*?
Loud girl #2: It was a dance.
Loud girl #1: And a kiss.
Jamaican man, who has overheard: Oh. Oh, that’s cold. You ain’t gonna tell him?
Loud girl #2: I didn’t kiss him, he kissed me.
Jamaican man: This gon’ get ugly, you hear me?
Loud girl #2: Fine! I’ll tell him! Then you’ll see ugly.
Jamaican man: Jus’ call me Dear Abby.
–Elevator, Brooklyn
Friend #1: So how is your husband?
Friend #2: For some reason I keep on sleeping with his best friend.
Friend #1: What!
Friend #2: Yeah girl…I'm leaving him. So what do you want to order from the menu?
–Restaurant Queens
Big black lady: Oh, honey! What’s wrong, baby?
Weeping white girl: Oh… It’s nothing. I’ll be okay.
Big black lady: Boy problems?
Weeping white girl: … Yeah.
Big black lady: What did he do to you, dear? Did he… Did he beat you?
Weeping white girl, trying not to laugh: No! No, it was nothing like–
Big black lady: –Did he sleep with another woman?
Weeping white girl: No, he–
Big black lady: –Because if he did he’ll get an STD and die, don’t you worry.
–115th & Broadway
Man #1 spotting bench pressing Man #2: So, how’s the wifey?
Man #2: Oh, man, things aren’t good.
Man #1: What happened?
Man #2: Her phone went dead so she borrowed mine. It was loud at the bar, so she went into the bathroom… She read my text messages. I had been texting some girl I hooked up with.
Man #1: Delete! Dude, delete!
Man #2: I know, but I even had her under a code name, ‘Rubes,’ because I met her through Ruben!
–Gym, Midtown
Overheard by: SwrrlGurll
20-something gal: I didn’t really like him, I just wanted a boyfriend.
–Fulton & Gold
Overheard by: Craig, Marykate and Maryanne
20-something girl on cell: What, my boyfriend? Oh, he’s with his wife tonight.
–Remsen & Clinton, Brooklyn
Flamboyantly gay man (to himself): He’s just jealous because I have a new boyfriend!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Liz
French woman, earnestly: I’m okay with him sleeping with my boyfriend as long as he starts paying for his own drinks.
–1020 Bar, 110th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Ladle
Hipster bike punk: I call her my special lady friend and she calls me her gentlemen caller… because boyfriend and girlfriend are too possessive.
–Mud Bar, East Village
Overheard by: raf
Hipster on cell: Best case scenario is: I talk, and you say
nothing. We have nothing to talk about.
–65th & 2nd
Overheard by: Gregorio and Robyn
Queer: Instead of cheating, I define it as an indiscretion.
–Posh, W. 51st Street
Overheard by: Nick Salvato
Dude on cell: …yeah..you are breaking up…wha? no…I meant your voice is breaking up…nope…wha? no…I don’t want to break up with you…hello…hello…
–West 4th & Macdougal
Dude on cell: So how’s the single life?…Well, that’s good, because if you were pregnant, I’d stick my fist in your twat and pull that thing outta there…I said, I’d stick my fist in your twat. Yeah, I would…Because I’m not really ready to be a dad right now, you know?
–LIRR
Overheard by: maura johnston
Girl: Just tell me!
Guy: Well what do you think? Do you think I cheated on you, yes or no?
Girl: No!
Guy: Wrong.
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Emma
