Woman: I know. Haven’t they figured out yet that if you hang around The Nation long enough, you’ll get hired?
Man: They hire anyone.
–elevator, The Nation building
Woman: I know. Haven’t they figured out yet that if you hang around The Nation long enough, you’ll get hired?
Man: They hire anyone.
–elevator, The Nation building
Bagboy: What’s with all the bruises?
Cashier girl: My boyfriend likes to bite.
Bagboy: What? You dating vampires now but you still won’t go out with Tommy?
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Overheard by: next in line
Guy #1: I just left a major deposit sitting in that toilet.
Guy #2: You didn’t flush it?
Guy #1: It was an automatic flusher and nothing happened. There was a guy waiting to go in and I just gave him a shit-eating grin when I walked out. I mean, what am I supposed to do?
Guy #2: I wouldn’t use the term “shit-eating grin” the next time you tell that story.
–Penn Station
Sidewalk vendor #1 to friend: So, and now tell me honestly, is it better to have sex high or not-high?
Sidewalk vendor #2: What are you talking about, of course high is better!
Sidewalk vendor #1: Would you shut up and let the man answer?! Christ, no manners with this one. [To friend] So which is it?
–Broadway @ 112th
Overheard by: Matthew Daniel
Toddler girl #1: Is your camel dead yet?
Toddler girl #2: No. Not yet. Is yours?
–John Jay Park
Tall guy: Dude I swear to god, I was on my bed with this mad hot chick and we were making out for like a whole hour…
Short guy: Yeah? Did you put it in?
Tall guy: No…you don’t understand…I was feeling her down there, and she…duuuuuude…she had a cock!
Pause
Short guy: Yeah? Did you put it in?
–L’Express
Overheard by: John Eckstein
Hipster guy on cell: So you like the kid more than the pussy?
–15th & Washington Sq. W
Overheard by: Joelseph Galasso
Conductor: Grand Central, coming soon to a station stop near you.
–Metro-North, 125th St.
Overheard by: A Dedicated Commuter
Man talking to himself: Automated cartoon movie life. I don’t want it.
–45th & 6th
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Parking garage attendant: I ain’t even playin’. This is not a game. I can eat the pussy for three hours. Straight.
–12th St. between 7th & 8th Ave, Park Slope
Guy: If you were playing Risk, and you were Charles Darwin, would you place all of your armies on the Galapagos Islands?
–91st & Columbus
Overheard by: John Bardes
Toddler girl: Penis!
–The Time Warner Center
Overheard by: Ally
Guy talking to two male friends: Shut up! Shut the fuck up! If you don’t want to put your dick in my mouth, that’s OK, but shut up!
–Downtown A train platform, W. 4th St
Overheard by: miss professor
Hipster guy on phone: No, no, no, no that is the sound that they said my penis made when it died.
–Morgan & Grattan, East Williamsburg
