Man #1: Yo, man. I hate the holidays.
Man #2: Yeah, I know.
Man #1: All them damned people come. Subways get so crowded. And yo, man, men try to stand behind my woman!
Man #2: That’s not right.
Man #1: I’ll hit you if you stand behind my woman, I don’t care if it’s Christmas. That’s my woman, man. Only I get to stand behind my woman.
Man #2: That’s your right, man.
Man #1: Damned tourists don’t know how it works here, man.
–4 train
Overheard by: Redshikari
Brooklyn guy #1: Let me tell you something…
Brooklyn guy #2: No, don’t even bother.
–B100 bus, Marine Park
Overheard by: vaughn
Young woman: You felt me up while I was asleep!
Lying man: How do you know, if you were asleep?
Young woman: You stuck your fingers in my pussy while I was asleep!
Lying man: Why would I do that? There’s nothing in there that I was looking for.
Lying man’s lawyer: Come on, don’t argue with her.
Young woman: If they find your fingerprints in my pussy you’re going to jail, motherfucker!
Lying man, taunting: What if I wore gloves?
Young woman: Hear that? He confessed!
–Hallway, Supreme Court, Bronx
Overheard by: Big Larry
Man #1: I have a book coming out this year, so I’m looking forward to that.
Man #2: Oh, yeah? What’s it about?
Man #1: It’s an oral history of anal sex.
Man #2: [Silence.]Man #1: It was a lot of hard work, but it was a real labor of love.
–Locker room, McBurney YMCA, 14th St & 6th Ave
Headline by: Ryan
Runners-Up:
· “”Annals of Anal”” – Janet E.
· “But the Title is a Mouthful” – Meredith
· “It’s called ‘Talking Out of Your Ass'” – Chris Polubinski
· “Love’s Labours Lubed” – CJC
· “Rim & Punishment” – Fru
· “The Mangina Monologues” – bowloftoast
Girl to man who held door for her: Thank you.
Man: I love you.
Girl to friend: Nobody in New York has any respect anymore.
–Barnes & Noble, 82nd St
Overheard by: Elise C-K
Man #1: Dude, what do you do if that is your skill, your gift?
Man #2: What, being a poet?
Man #1: Yes, how do you make a living at it?
Man #2: You don’t. Either that or you call up Maya Angelou and ask her, ‘What the fuck do I do?’
–39th & 8th
Overheard by: dan
Middle-aged man #1: I don’t know what happened to her. Man, I’ve never seen such a downfall. One minute she’s smokin’ hot, and now she’s all tired and saggy.
Middle-aged man #2: But you’d still do her.
Middle-aged man #1: Fuck yeah. It’d be a great story.
–V train
Man: I’m tellin’ you, a perm makes you look good.
Woman: Goddammit, Pee Wee! No it don’t! You think you know every mothafuckin’ thing!
–Fulton & Putnam, Brooklyn
Overheard by: mira p
Chick #1 grabbing a pole on crowded subway: Ew! This pole is wet!
Chick #2: Huh?
Male stranger: Yeah, I just finished licking it.
–N train
Overheard by: Pamela
Enormous black woman clutching frantic feral cat: Who’ll gimme a dollar fo’ this kitten? I know one of ya’lls got a dollar fo’ this kitten. You?! You?!
Confused passerby: Didn’t you get that from the vacant lot behind you?
Enormous black woman clutching frantic feral cat: Shut up, fool! Okay… Fitty cent, then!
–West 153rd St
Overheard by: goofopet
