Man: Table for two, non-smoking.
–Brooklyn Diner, W. 57th Street
Yuppie guy: See, it’s hard, because I see both sides of the argument, but I still don’t know who would win in a fight.
–Madison Square Park
Girl on phone: I didn’t like it when I was there…No, it was awful!…You’re taking him? So where’re you going?…An interview? How do you interview for a preschool? He’s 2.
–Office, 37th & Broadway
College girl: Excuse me, sir. Which way is the river?
Man: There’s two.
He walks away.
–Columbus Circle
Man on cell: Hey, I just got out of work and…wait…dude, are you having sex?…While I’m on the phone with you?…You…you’re having sex with Amy?…What would…you mean you think the fact that it’s Amy makes it all right to pick up the phone?…No! No! That makes it worse!
–2 train
Women: Ugh! Excuse me?
Man: Excuse me? Excuse you!
Women: You keep grabbing your balls. It’s not nice!
Man: You’re right. I’m sorry.
–F train
Overheard by: MASON
Teenage girl: Don’t fucking touch me! Your hand is so pubic; you’ve been scratching your balls all day long!
–L train
Man on cell: Wait, you’re telling me my money went to help some kid go to camp? Are you fuckin’ kidding me? I thought I was curing a cripple or some shit like that. What’s up with that? I never went to camp when I was a kid. Good to hear some brat I never met is going to be swimming in a lake all summer long while my nephew is cooling himself off by a hydrant in the street.
–Astoria, Queens
Overheard by: Victor Hugo
Chick: What is the difference between the red top and the green top on the soy sauce?
Man: …The red one is spicy.
–Ruby Foo’s, 49th & Broadway
Receptionist: You’re looking good lately. Healthy.
UPS guy: Thanks, I’ve been trying to only drink liquids. You know, water, a salad once in a while.
–Borough Park
Overheard by: Vicki
Woman: Is this your first child?
Man: Yes, why do you ask?
Woman: You sure act like it is.
Man: What does that have to do with you being rude and inconsiderate?
–Loews Lincoln Square, 68th Street
Overheard by: Frederic Guarino
Suit #1: I screwed one of the new piece of ass last night.
Suit #2: You mean the li’l one, the new one?
Suit #1: Yeah, Jen, the new girl on 15.
Suit #2: Dude, I just smashed her the other day at lunch! Are you fucking kidding me?
Suit #1: You’re clean, right?…’cause I’m going back for seconds.
–75th & Lexington
FishBowlNY chick: Not only do you blog about everything, you blog in five different blogs about everything.
–Slainte, The Bowery
Hipster guy: Everyone keeps asking me why I’m sad, and I’m like, “I’m not sad, I’m from New York.”
–St. Mark’s between 1st & A
Overheard by: Danny G.
Woman: I have some friends, and they lived in Brooklyn all they lives, and they ain’t ever been to Kings Plaza Shopping Mall. They so limited!
–5 train
Tourist woman: Excuse me, can you tell me where the big apple is?
–43rd & Broadway
Overheard by: katie cunningham
Woman: What I love most about New York is that wherever you go, in every neighborhood, there’s garbage on the curb. To me, that’s democracy.
–University & 11th
Lady: You never see girls wearing shorts in New York City unless they’re tourists.
–57th & Broadway
Guy on cell: Well I’m sorry, Princess, if New York doesn’t smell like a bed of roses!
–Church & Worth
Overheard by: Becka Dash
NY Post guy: This boat is bootlegged! It won’t turn left!
–Penn Station
NY Post guy: Read all about it! Discovery shuttle is a bootleg…doesn’t work…can’t turn left. Read all about it!
–Penn Station
Overheard (correctly) by: Toon
