Girl: Don’t let her drink after midnight. Make her go home. Are you listening to me? Don’t let her drink after midnight!
Man: Am I supposed to keep her away from sunlight and not get her wet either?
Girl: What? What are you? Fine! You get the deal with her mess!
–15th St & Union Square East
Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson
Man running by with dog to teenage girl: Woof!
Teenage girl to friend: He better have been talking to the dog.
–Central Park
Dude #1: So, when did you get married?
Dude #2: I got married four weeks ago, in Vegas!
Dude #1: Really?
Dude #2: Yeah. Apparently Elvis wasn’t wearing any underwear when he married us, and some of the guests saw Little Elvis.
Dude #1: Ugh, bummer, dude! Are you sure you’re really married?
–1 train
Overheard by: LG
Man #1: Do you live in New York?
Man #2: No.
Man #1: Go ahead. Take my spot. I see that statue every fucking day.
–Cruise ship, Hudson River
Guy on cell: Well, right now my brother and my girlfriend share a bedroom.
–Washington Square North
Overheard by: Daniel
Young nanny to six‐year‐old girl, crossing the street: What do you care about more, your brother or your scooter?
–76th St & Central Park West
Overheard by: Sonny
Daughter to obnoxious mom: Just because you are a member of my family doesn’t mean I won’t backhand you.
–NYU Coles Sports Center
Overheard by: Maria
Man to woman, while crossing street: Look, all I’m saying is there are a lot of men who like your sister even more then they like you – and that’s saying a lot!
–6th Ave & 13th St
Overheard by: Wemily
Well‐dressed woman: So, we should have a threesome…
Well‐dressed man: Yes, probably…
–10th & 3rd
Man with bottle of booze in paper bag: Is that a machine gun or a bomb?
Boy with guitar: No, I’m just carrying my guitar.
–Train to Penn Station
Overheard by: Marcy
Young hipster guy to hobo: I hate to ask, but do you mind if I bum a cigarette from you?
–Prince St
Overheard by: Kristen W.
Flight attendant on PA: We’d like to remind you that this is a non‐smoking service to London, but passengers are permitted to smoke outside the cabin at any point during the flight.
–British Airways Flight to Heathrow
Crazy man: Smoking leads directly to prostitution!
–66th & Broadway
Overheard by: voluptuousgrl
Dude: I’ve been smoking since I came out of my mom’s cooch.
–Hop Scotch Cafe
Woman with raspy voice: Man, cigarettes are so expensive now. When I started smoking, it was only a $1.25 a pack. Unless I bought them off my mom, she only charged 75 cents a pack.
–4 Train, Union Square
Overheard by: Christine
Mom to seven‐year‐old son: Come on, let’s go out for a cigarette. (looks around nervously at other audience members) Well, not that you smoke.
–Intermission, Rent
One‐armed cracked‐out dude to equally cracked‐out girlfriend: And he’s lookin’ at me like he ain’t never seen nobody stealin’ before!
–Maria Hernandez Park, Bushwick
Overheard by: matthias
Drunk man to random girl on street: I mean, I stole this girls’ shoelaces, and then she got really mad at me…
–2nd Ave & 4th St
Comedy show peddler: Who wants to buy some stolen shit? (pause) Nah, just kidding, who wants to see a comedy show?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Ali
Woman with pink hair to friend: Fuck that bitch, she still stole my clothes when I was in jail.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Renny
Man to woman, about his father: Yeah, he was so great, so smart… A drug addict. He was always there for me. Like, if I needed something, anything, he’d go steal it for me. That’s what sticks with you, you know?
–1 Train
Overheard by: RDM
Man #1: So I’m lookin down there, and I see my girlfriend tugging at her crotch.
Man #2: Why?
Man #1: Well, it turns out she was masturbating with a banana, and she squashed it and it exploded inside of her! Haha!
Man #2: That’s completely disgusting, your girlfriend is a freak and you should reconsider licking her butt, like you said you do for her.
–Staten Island
Overheard by: TOOBxSOCKS
