Guy #1: She may be the stupidest girl ever.
Guy #2: I think she just pretends she is stupid.
Guy #1: Dude, she spelled Missouri with a Z, and Kansas with a U.
Guy #2: She does have a huge rack, though.
Guy #1: Tremendous!
–34th & Lexington
Overheard by: Oren Shapiro
Man: I never realized how homoerotic the Bible is.
Woman: It’s not supposed to be.
–Union Square Regal Cinemas
Man: Table for two, non-smoking.
–Brooklyn Diner, W. 57th Street
Yuppie guy: See, it’s hard, because I see both sides of the argument, but I still don’t know who would win in a fight.
–Madison Square Park
Girl on phone: I didn’t like it when I was there…No, it was awful!…You’re taking him? So where’re you going?…An interview? How do you interview for a preschool? He’s 2.
–Office, 37th & Broadway
College girl: Excuse me, sir. Which way is the river?
Man: There’s two.
He walks away.
–Columbus Circle
Man on cell: Hey, I just got out of work and…wait…dude, are you having sex?…While I’m on the phone with you?…You…you’re having sex with Amy?…What would…you mean you think the fact that it’s Amy makes it all right to pick up the phone?…No! No! That makes it worse!
–2 train
Women: Ugh! Excuse me?
Man: Excuse me? Excuse you!
Women: You keep grabbing your balls. It’s not nice!
Man: You’re right. I’m sorry.
–F train
Overheard by: MASON
Teenage girl: Don’t fucking touch me! Your hand is so pubic; you’ve been scratching your balls all day long!
–L train
Man on cell: Wait, you’re telling me my money went to help some kid go to camp? Are you fuckin’ kidding me? I thought I was curing a cripple or some shit like that. What’s up with that? I never went to camp when I was a kid. Good to hear some brat I never met is going to be swimming in a lake all summer long while my nephew is cooling himself off by a hydrant in the street.
–Astoria, Queens
Overheard by: Victor Hugo
Chick: What is the difference between the red top and the green top on the soy sauce?
Man: …The red one is spicy.
–Ruby Foo’s, 49th & Broadway
Receptionist: You’re looking good lately. Healthy.
UPS guy: Thanks, I’ve been trying to only drink liquids. You know, water, a salad once in a while.
–Borough Park
Overheard by: Vicki
Woman: Is this your first child?
Man: Yes, why do you ask?
Woman: You sure act like it is.
Man: What does that have to do with you being rude and inconsiderate?
–Loews Lincoln Square, 68th Street
Overheard by: Frederic Guarino
