Women: Ugh! Excuse me?
Man: Excuse me? Excuse you!
Women: You keep grabbing your balls. It’s not nice!
Man: You’re right. I’m sorry.
–F train
Overheard by: MASON
Teenage girl: Don’t fucking touch me! Your hand is so pubic; you’ve been scratching your balls all day long!
–L train
Man on cell: Wait, you’re telling me my money went to help some kid go to camp? Are you fuckin’ kidding me? I thought I was curing a cripple or some shit like that. What’s up with that? I never went to camp when I was a kid. Good to hear some brat I never met is going to be swimming in a lake all summer long while my nephew is cooling himself off by a hydrant in the street.
–Astoria, Queens
Overheard by: Victor Hugo
Chick: What is the difference between the red top and the green top on the soy sauce?
Man: …The red one is spicy.
–Ruby Foo’s, 49th & Broadway
Receptionist: You’re looking good lately. Healthy.
UPS guy: Thanks, I’ve been trying to only drink liquids. You know, water, a salad once in a while.
–Borough Park
Overheard by: Vicki
Woman: Is this your first child?
Man: Yes, why do you ask?
Woman: You sure act like it is.
Man: What does that have to do with you being rude and inconsiderate?
–Loews Lincoln Square, 68th Street
Overheard by: Frederic Guarino
Suit #1: I screwed one of the new piece of ass last night.
Suit #2: You mean the li’l one, the new one?
Suit #1: Yeah, Jen, the new girl on 15.
Suit #2: Dude, I just smashed her the other day at lunch! Are you fucking kidding me?
Suit #1: You’re clean, right?…’cause I’m going back for seconds.
–75th & Lexington
FishBowlNY chick: Not only do you blog about everything, you blog in five different blogs about everything.
–Slainte, The Bowery
Hipster guy: Everyone keeps asking me why I’m sad, and I’m like, “I’m not sad, I’m from New York.”
–St. Mark’s between 1st & A
Overheard by: Danny G.
Woman: I have some friends, and they lived in Brooklyn all they lives, and they ain’t ever been to Kings Plaza Shopping Mall. They so limited!
–5 train
Tourist woman: Excuse me, can you tell me where the big apple is?
–43rd & Broadway
Overheard by: katie cunningham
Woman: What I love most about New York is that wherever you go, in every neighborhood, there’s garbage on the curb. To me, that’s democracy.
–University & 11th
Lady: You never see girls wearing shorts in New York City unless they’re tourists.
–57th & Broadway
Guy on cell: Well I’m sorry, Princess, if New York doesn’t smell like a bed of roses!
–Church & Worth
Overheard by: Becka Dash
NY Post guy: This boat is bootlegged! It won’t turn left!
–Penn Station
NY Post guy: Read all about it! Discovery shuttle is a bootleg…doesn’t work…can’t turn left. Read all about it!
–Penn Station
Overheard (correctly) by: Toon
Man: Oh, it is so good to hear English again.
Customs guy: Actually, I speak Brooklyn.
–JFK
Overheard by: Benjamin Silverberg
Crazy lady: I hate my fucking mother and I want to kill her. I want to watch her bleed. She is a fat lazy bitch. She was nothing but a container!
Guy: God will not forgive you if you kill your mother. Can you also keep it down please?
–PATH train
Overheard by: JMK
Lady: Ooh, is that a tampon in your bag?
Man: No, no, no. Come on, it’s a manpon.
–Tonic, Norfolk Street
Overheard by: Sarah
