Man: Yo, what are you selling?
Vendor: Gelato.
Man: What’s that?
Vendor: Read the sign…Fuck you.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Chris
Man: Yo, what are you selling?
Vendor: Gelato.
Man: What’s that?
Vendor: Read the sign…Fuck you.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Chris
Woman: Here’s something really funny. I was getting on the train, the 6, and the 2 friends I was supposed to meet were sitting there! Out of all the cars in the train. That was weird.
Man: I don’t believe in that, in coincidences.
Woman: You don’t?
Man: No, I believe that what happens is what was meant to happen.
Woman: Well, I hope “what is meant to happen” isn’t wasting its time
with me getting on the train.
–N train
White woman: You see why I don’t live in Manhattan, especially on the Upper East Side.
White man: Why is that?
White woman: Too many freaking dogs. Everybody and their mother have a goddamn dog. The Upper East Side smells like dog shit and these people will not clean up after their dogs.
White man: I know what you mean. Too many dogs.
White woman: These people should be shot for not cleaning up after their dogs. They should not be allowed to own an animal if they can’t clean up after it. What, rich and snobbish people aren’t allowed to pick up dog crap, is that it?
White man: Well, at least the West Side is not so bad.
White woman: I’m not sure it is any better.
–80th & 3rd
Teen girl: Yeah, and then I woke up in a pool of his vomit. It was awesome.
–Bronx Science
Overheard by: SammyCat
Construction worker on cell: Yeah, she walked right in…Man, I was friggin’ jerking off!…No. She stayed and watched…Of course I’m calling her again.
–53rd & Lexington
Man on cell: She and I both got diarrhea at 11:00 exactly. I mean, we’re like E.T. and Elliot.
–20th & 5th
Girl on cell: I’m telling you, watching my boyfriend get head was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen!
–F train
Overheard by: seraphina
Third baseman: What’s so funny?
Benched teammate: I’m high, retard. Everything’s fuckin’ funny.
–145th & Lenox Avenue softball field
Pedicab guy: It’s a great day for a ride in Central Park. Want a ride?
Man: How much to the Bronx?
–Columbus Circle
Man #1: Man, I really hate that bitch.
Man #2: Well, you shouldn’t have married her then.
–Union Square
Boy: We’re watching Pimp My Ride.
Man: What does “pimp” mean?
Boy: It’s someone who owns women.
–Washington Square Village
Woman: Wow, I’ve never been that close to a real arrest before!
Man: Neither have I.
Woman: This shit always happens in the city. Thank God I don’t have to put up with it anymore, now that I live in Jersey City.
Man: Uh huh…
Woman: The irony is, I’m just on my way home from my shrink! Ha, ha!
–F train
Woman: So where should I move to?
Man: Ethiopia.
Woman: Nah. They always have famines there.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Greg
