Woman: I stopped smoking six months ago, and now I’m lubricating so much better. I’m always wet at the right time.
–Lexington & 55th Deli
Guy: Is it raining?
Girl: No.
Guy: Then why the fuck am I getting wet?
Girl: Because it’s drizzling.
–Coney Island
Overheard by: Gradie Smith
Guy #1: She says she usually needs to make out for like a half hour before she starts to get wet.
Guy #2: You should just use your spit.
–2nd Avenue station
Overheard by: J.
Guy: I got both, bitch! I got a pussy and a dick!
–6th Avenue & 9th Street
Chick: He was my rag guy! What am I going to do now? I’m gonna dry up. If you stick your ear up to my vagina you’re going to hear the fucking desert like it’s a seashell.
–43rd & 5th
Overheard by: James Wilson
Burkha woman: …when you remove a man’s genitals, it’s a sin.
–Port Authority
Guy on cell: I’m busy. I’m getting my dick sucked right now.
–4 train
Overheard by: LatiE
Guy: It wasn’t till I started college that I realized they had botched the circumcision. We had all just flopped them out and I was like, “Dude, what is wrong with yours?”, and they were like, “No man, it’s you, what the fuck happened to you? It looks like the fucking rings of saturn.”
–38th & 3rd
Suit: If you’re a dick you can do anything.
–Maiden Lane & Pearl Street
Overheard by: SKG
Man on cell: So I was trying to take a pee and she kept talking to me, so then my dick got hard and I couldn’t pee.
–25th & 5th
Overheard by: Ian Wheeler-Nicholson
Lady on cell: He’s a hermaphrodite…he was born that way…his grandparents, thats why. Genetic mutations and stuff.
–50th & Madison
Chick: But he has a pierced dick! They don’t sell that shit in stores!
–SI party
Overheard by: Rebecca Dash
Woman: This block has the best garbage!
–2nd Avenue & 8th Street
Girl on cell: We’ve already got plans again for this weekend. I’m really excited about this guy; he’s great. He’s really driven, really ready to succeed. He’s a doctor…No, not in real life, on TV.
–57th & Lexington
Overheard by: Heather
White guy: That wasn’t the best day of my life, though. The best day was the day after my birthday when I recoverd my hard drive.
–Astoria party
Overheard by: Noah Starr
Man on cell: I like them shoes with the ruffle. The ones you wore to the Olive Garden that one time.
–Broadway & Prince
Girl: In theory…I was going to end that sentence with, “the dolphins will be OK.”
–7 train
Overheard by: Amado Angel
Lady: Well, he’s an ex-junkie, an alcoholic, mean-tempered, a practicing bisexual, and he has hepatitus C. But he’s a wonderful man and, as guys like that go, he does have great taste in jewelry.
–Midtown office
Man #1: Is this one in English?
Man #2: Why? You can’t read.
–Lafayette & Spring magazine stand
Tourist guy: Excuse me! Are you a New Yorker?
Woman: No!
–34th & 7th
Man: Do you want to go into any of these shops?
Woman: Um…
Man: Oh, that’s a yes. Whenever a woman responds with anything other than an emphatic “no”, it means yes.
–78th & Madison
Woman: My dad actually said, “I don’t want you becoming a hooker. If you need money, ask me.”
Man: You know why he said that, right?
–N train
Man: Yo, what are you selling?
Vendor: Gelato.
Man: What’s that?
Vendor: Read the sign…Fuck you.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Chris
Woman: Here’s something really funny. I was getting on the train, the 6, and the 2 friends I was supposed to meet were sitting there! Out of all the cars in the train. That was weird.
Man: I don’t believe in that, in coincidences.
Woman: You don’t?
Man: No, I believe that what happens is what was meant to happen.
Woman: Well, I hope “what is meant to happen” isn’t wasting its time
with me getting on the train.
–N train
White woman: You see why I don’t live in Manhattan, especially on the Upper East Side.
White man: Why is that?
White woman: Too many freaking dogs. Everybody and their mother have a goddamn dog. The Upper East Side smells like dog shit and these people will not clean up after their dogs.
White man: I know what you mean. Too many dogs.
White woman: These people should be shot for not cleaning up after their dogs. They should not be allowed to own an animal if they can’t clean up after it. What, rich and snobbish people aren’t allowed to pick up dog crap, is that it?
White man: Well, at least the West Side is not so bad.
White woman: I’m not sure it is any better.
–80th & 3rd
Teen girl: Yeah, and then I woke up in a pool of his vomit. It was awesome.
–Bronx Science
Overheard by: SammyCat
Construction worker on cell: Yeah, she walked right in…Man, I was friggin’ jerking off!…No. She stayed and watched…Of course I’m calling her again.
–53rd & Lexington
Man on cell: She and I both got diarrhea at 11:00 exactly. I mean, we’re like E.T. and Elliot.
–20th & 5th
Girl on cell: I’m telling you, watching my boyfriend get head was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen!
–F train
Overheard by: seraphina
