Men

Guy to male friend: We believe that the better you look, the more spiritual you are.

–1st St & 5th Ave., Brooklyn

Overheard by: PrairieSquid

Man collecting money for the homeless: Come on guys, I’m way too pretty to be homeless.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Dara

Middle-aged African American male, with a blue NY Giants baseball cap on, and a fur coat: I’m pretty… I’m pretty… I’m pretty

–59th St Subway Station

Overheard by: nickporjr

Bum: Hey pretty! Hey pretty!
[Pretty girl coughs violently and sneezes at the same time.]Bum: Feel better, pretty.

–6th St & 7th Ave, Park Slope

Middle-aged, Chelsea-fit white guy on iPhone: Well, neither you nor any of your sisters were the beauty that I was…

–21st St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Sean

Middle-aged man: You know who was good-looking? Stalin, when he was younger. He was so dashing!

–104th & West End

Overheard by: communist!

Girl on cell: You keep talking over me–it makes me want to punch you in the uterus.

–Ray's Pizza, 52 & 8th

Overheard by: Jarett

Guy to friend: You keep referring to me as "that guy" and we'll see how long you stay conscious.

–33rd & 7th

Nervous man seated against the wall: I don't like this seat. I don't like sitting here. I like to sit on the aisle. What if there's a fight? I don't want to be trapped in a place with a fight.

–Off-Broadway Theatre

Overheard by: Hannah

Ghetto chick: Can't you get somebody else to fuck him up? Why you gotta do it?

–W Train

Overheard by: sara n.

Man: He was trying to turn his alcoholism into a positive thing instead of attacking the guy who raped his sister.

–The Strand Bookstore

Overheard by: Slightly confused, yet intrigued…

Girl on cell: Remember that time you got into a fight with an inch worm?

–Chambers St

Overheard by: Shooty

Girl on phone: This is so crazy because I was just watching Gossip Girl and I was like: "Oh my god, no one has dinner at Butter!" But then you just called me and invited me to dinner at Butter! It’s totally out of control.

–Barnard College

Man: The Tudors is like Law & Order for British actors. If you can’t get a job anywhere else, there’s always that.

–Cort Theater

Overheard by: office peon

Young man to friend: It’s called Tudor Place. Hey, you know that show on showtime, The Tudors? Maybe it’s that family and they moved over here. Because the buildings do look old.

–Bryant Park

Hipster: I watched Lost one time. I watched Lost one time! A big monsoon was coming and some dude closed a door on it. Closed a door on the monsoon! I was like: "Fuck this, I’m done."

–Outside an Irish Pub, 54th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: jon

Soccer mom: Charles in Charge was a consistently good show.

–51st St & 8th Ave

Man #1: You know that saying about how if you teach a man to fish, he can fish?
Man #2: Yeah.

–Grand Central Station

Woman: You have everything?
Man, looking at suitcase and opening box: I think that's it.
Woman: What's in this box?
Man: It's my life. You know: vodka and lotion.
Woman: And toothpaste! Where'd you get that funny toothpaste?

–Elevator, Upper West Side

Overheard by: Along for the ride

Man: I’m, like, the MacGyver of orthoscopic surgery.

–David Copperfield’s, York Avenue

Girl: I don’t know what would have happened to me if I hadn’t gone back to school. I’d probably be dead or in jail or pregnant and living in Brooklyn or something.

–F train

Overheard by: Heather

Goth guy on cell: You can’t divide by infinity! Infinity is a concept, not a number! How many times do I have to tell you that?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Lesley Brooke

Fat lady: I was Rubenesque before I was fat.

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: Dawn

Woman: I’m such a better clown then they are, and I have the nose to prove it.
Man: They have to be more creative. It can’t just be "slip on a banana peel and drop your pants" every time.

–23rd & 9th

Overheard by: lori

Man: Excuse me, waitress!
Barista: I’m not a waitress.
Man: Kidding… What’s your name?
Barista: Alyenne.
Man: Do you spell that like “Alien”?

Barista glares.

Man: Kidding…

–168th & Broadway

Man on subway: Does this train go to 125th Street?
Woman: No. It's going downtown.
Man on subway: Oh, shit. I gotta go to 125th Street and suck a dick to get some crack.

–1 Train

Guy: Man, you think Lee Harvey Oswald had good aim? You should meet my wife.

–B train

Overheard by: Jess Issacharoff

Woman: Her bridal shower was her sweet sixteen.

–F train

Queer on cell: Hi, Sweetie!…What? You got married? But honey, you’re gay!

–63rd & 3rd

Chick on cell: So did I tell you about the e-mail I got? This guy I met on-line, on Nerve–we went out on like three dates, like a year and a half ago. Yeah, so I got an e-mail from his wife and she was like, “Yo bitch, stay away from my husband.” So I wrote back, “Don’t e-mail me, e-mail your husband who’s been cheating on you for two fucking years.”

–33rd & Park

Teen girl: Yeah, he’s really lonely since his wife died 3 years ago. Now his best friend is his right hand and some skin lotion.

–Park Slope

Guy: Hey, how’s my wife and your kids?

–55th & Madison

Overheard by: Matt

Man on cell: I ain’t trying to see you nothin’. I want to marry you. I’m tellin you the truth. T-R-U-F-F. The Truth!

–Atlantic Avenue gas station

Overheard by: Megan

Gate agent: You need to listen to me. Don’t listen to your wife. Your wife doesn’t work here.

–Newark airport

Overheard by: jk