Small group of tourist kids singing loudly: I believe I can fly… I believe I can touch the sky…
Mom: That’s what you think!
–74th & Broadway
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Small group of tourist kids singing loudly: I believe I can fly… I believe I can touch the sky…
Mom: That’s what you think!
–74th & Broadway
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Little girl singing in stall: It’s okay that Mommy is a man, Mommy is a man, Mommy is a man! It’s okay that…
Mom: Brooke! Jesus Christ!
Little girl: Oh, Mommy is a man la la la la la! Can we get tacos?
–Restroom, MoMA
Overheard by: ChaChaCha
Guy to buddy: It’s just like New York, except it’s clean and quiet… and people are nice.
–51st & Broadway
Tourist girl: You guys, we’re finally here! New York! Sleepless in… Oh my god, I’m such a moron!
–Incoming Air Canada flight, JFK airport
Overheard by: la petite touriste
Hobo to passerby wearing ‘I love NY’ shirt: Try living here for a few months, see how much you fucking love it.
–Chinatown
Pedicab driver to intrigued tourists: It is the most exciting thing you will do in New York City.
–58th & 5th
Overheard by: Stevo
Woman: Sure, in New York something gets blown up every now and then. But at least we don’t have to worry about falling off into the ocean.
–Filene’s Basement
Overheard by: amused tourist
High-strung mom to nanny: Just leave him here and go check. He’s not going to get kidnapped. No one in New York wants kids, anyway.
–C train
Subway preacher: All of you are going to hell because of New York!
–Grand Central
Irate lady with luggage: This is a filthy town! Horrible!
–Penn Station
Guy on cell: You opened a cadaver today? Oh, shit, man — congrats! That’s so cool… I changed a nasty dirty diaper today.
–26th & 8th
Mother to sobbing young son: Honey, you can’t pet a stranger’s mink. You just can’t. Especially with dirty hands — that’s why she was mad at you.
–M3 bus, 45th & 5th
Blonde on cell, wearing mink coat: I have a couture mink coat, and I will not have those low-lifes getting their crappy filth all over it!
–Starbucks, Citigroup Center
Woman hurrying small boy along: Yes, that wall is filthy, don’t touch it. Everything you can see in this city is dirty.
–W 67th St
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Asian man: Look, if you’re gonna stab me at least use the clean knife.
–Applebee’s, 42nd St
Overheard by: explosivo
Woman on elliptical to woman on stationary bike: Justin made me take the subway today. I didn’t like it. I felt dirty.
–Equinox, Soho
Overheard by: jdm
Lady holding child’s hand: If one more person bumps into me today I am going to fucking kill them.
Passerby: Good, lady, teach your child to be an asshole just like you.
Kid: Fuck you, asshole!
Passerby: See!
–Subway, 86th St
Big black man is minding own business when two-year-old child sitting behind him slaps him in the back of the head.
Big black guy turning around, startled: What the fuck?!
Child’s mother: What did I tell you about hitting people?! [Child shrugs his shoulders and looks confused.] I told you we don’t hit people. That’s not nice. Now, what do you say?
Child: Thaaank yooouuu. [Big black guy’s eyes go very wide and he turns back around slowly.]
–N train
Overheard by: Trying not to laugh because that guy was pissed!
Kid in stroller: I want rice!
Mom: You don’t want no rice.
Kid: I don’t want no rice.
–7th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: djingo
Daughter: Yeah, we really wanna do the summer program in Germany.
Mom: Germany? Isn’t it weird that a Jewish school has a program in Germany, where the Nazis are?
Daughter: [Silence.]Friend: Well, they take you on tours of the concentration camps…
Mom: Oh, that’s why they have it in Germany!
–Macy’s
Brooklyn guy: Cute kid you got there. How old is he?
Short-haired mom: She is 20 months.
Brooklyn guy: Oh, ‘she.’ Sorry, I didn’t realize…
Short-haired mom: That’s because gender is performance.
Brooklyn guy: [Sips coffee.]
–Vox Pop, Cortelyou Rd
Overheard by: the nearby barista
Two moms enter with two sleepy 12-year-old girls and a 14-year-old boy.
Mom #1 to boy: Hey! Do that dance! Do your dance and ask everyone for money! Come on, get some change! [Boy sits next to a reading girl and leans on her.] Don’t you want money? Ask that girl for some money! Oh, hey, did I tell you the best thing about prison? They let you smoke up in there.
Girl #1: Weed?
Mom #2: The trick is getting friendly with the guards. You can’t just do it any time you want.
Mom #1: That’s right, because you gotta get a job in prison. I got three jobs. Hey! What’s that girl got? What’s she got? Hey, find out what’s she got!
Boy: Book! Hey. Book!
Mom #1: Book! Haha! You know what you need, son, is pussy. White pussy. White pussy that knows how to read. She’ll take care of you so you can do your business.
Old man enters train, looks at seat next to girls: Can I sit here?
Girl #2: Uh, no.
Mom #2: Move your fucking ass, you lazy fucking piece of shit! No manners — my kids got no manners.
–F train from Queens to Brooklyn
Overheard by: Reading girl
