Mother: Do they still have ninjas?
Six-year-old boy: Duh, Mom — in Japan.
Mother: Oh, I only knew about the Ninja Turtles.
–Escalator, Grand Central
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Mother: Do they still have ninjas?
Six-year-old boy: Duh, Mom — in Japan.
Mother: Oh, I only knew about the Ninja Turtles.
–Escalator, Grand Central
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Small group of tourist kids singing loudly: I believe I can fly… I believe I can touch the sky…
Mom: That’s what you think!
–74th & Broadway
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Little girl singing in stall: It’s okay that Mommy is a man, Mommy is a man, Mommy is a man! It’s okay that…
Mom: Brooke! Jesus Christ!
Little girl: Oh, Mommy is a man la la la la la! Can we get tacos?
–Restroom, MoMA
Overheard by: ChaChaCha
Guy to buddy: It’s just like New York, except it’s clean and quiet… and people are nice.
–51st & Broadway
Tourist girl: You guys, we’re finally here! New York! Sleepless in… Oh my god, I’m such a moron!
–Incoming Air Canada flight, JFK airport
Overheard by: la petite touriste
Hobo to passerby wearing ‘I love NY’ shirt: Try living here for a few months, see how much you fucking love it.
–Chinatown
Pedicab driver to intrigued tourists: It is the most exciting thing you will do in New York City.
–58th & 5th
Overheard by: Stevo
Woman: Sure, in New York something gets blown up every now and then. But at least we don’t have to worry about falling off into the ocean.
–Filene’s Basement
Overheard by: amused tourist
High-strung mom to nanny: Just leave him here and go check. He’s not going to get kidnapped. No one in New York wants kids, anyway.
–C train
Subway preacher: All of you are going to hell because of New York!
–Grand Central
Irate lady with luggage: This is a filthy town! Horrible!
–Penn Station
Guy on cell: You opened a cadaver today? Oh, shit, man — congrats! That’s so cool… I changed a nasty dirty diaper today.
–26th & 8th
Mother to sobbing young son: Honey, you can’t pet a stranger’s mink. You just can’t. Especially with dirty hands — that’s why she was mad at you.
–M3 bus, 45th & 5th
Blonde on cell, wearing mink coat: I have a couture mink coat, and I will not have those low-lifes getting their crappy filth all over it!
–Starbucks, Citigroup Center
Woman hurrying small boy along: Yes, that wall is filthy, don’t touch it. Everything you can see in this city is dirty.
–W 67th St
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Asian man: Look, if you’re gonna stab me at least use the clean knife.
–Applebee’s, 42nd St
Overheard by: explosivo
Woman on elliptical to woman on stationary bike: Justin made me take the subway today. I didn’t like it. I felt dirty.
–Equinox, Soho
Overheard by: jdm
Lady holding child’s hand: If one more person bumps into me today I am going to fucking kill them.
Passerby: Good, lady, teach your child to be an asshole just like you.
Kid: Fuck you, asshole!
Passerby: See!
–Subway, 86th St
Big black man is minding own business when two-year-old child sitting behind him slaps him in the back of the head.
Big black guy turning around, startled: What the fuck?!
Child’s mother: What did I tell you about hitting people?! [Child shrugs his shoulders and looks confused.] I told you we don’t hit people. That’s not nice. Now, what do you say?
Child: Thaaank yooouuu. [Big black guy’s eyes go very wide and he turns back around slowly.]
–N train
Overheard by: Trying not to laugh because that guy was pissed!
Kid in stroller: I want rice!
Mom: You don’t want no rice.
Kid: I don’t want no rice.
–7th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: djingo
Daughter: Yeah, we really wanna do the summer program in Germany.
Mom: Germany? Isn’t it weird that a Jewish school has a program in Germany, where the Nazis are?
Daughter: [Silence.]Friend: Well, they take you on tours of the concentration camps…
Mom: Oh, that’s why they have it in Germany!
–Macy’s
Brooklyn guy: Cute kid you got there. How old is he?
Short-haired mom: She is 20 months.
Brooklyn guy: Oh, ‘she.’ Sorry, I didn’t realize…
Short-haired mom: That’s because gender is performance.
Brooklyn guy: [Sips coffee.]
–Vox Pop, Cortelyou Rd
Overheard by: the nearby barista
