Yarmulke man: Excuse me, where does this train go to?
Do-rag guy: Florida.
Yarmulke man: Florida? Texas? California?
Do-rag guy: Yep.
Yarmulke man: Okay! Good.
–6 train
Overheard by: Rachel
Yarmulke man: Excuse me, where does this train go to?
Do-rag guy: Florida.
Yarmulke man: Florida? Texas? California?
Do-rag guy: Yep.
Yarmulke man: Okay! Good.
–6 train
Overheard by: Rachel
Suit on cell: I said to him, "If I had my dick out on the bar, you think she wouldn't look at it?" and he kept telling me I owed her an apology, so I said, "Sweetheart, sorry I looked at your pussy." Listen, I gotta get off the train now. I'll call you back.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Pasty
Guy standing at lowered urinal to guy standing at regular height urinal: The low urinal is for the guys with big dicks, so they don't bottom out.
–Roc Restaurant
Guy to group of friends (boisterously): I only date chicks with small hands…makes my dick look huge!
–St. Andrews Bar
Overheard by: allimax
Woman (screaming into phone): Suck my dick, bitch!
–Near Manhattan Mall
Guy shouting into cell: We got a cab. And you can eat a dick.
–Hanover & Water
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are being delayed because some dick is holding the door. We will be moving when the dick takes his arm out the door.
–4 Train
Overheard by: jessie
Former frat boy #1: So someone said “shots,” and someone else said “tequila,” and I said I didn't like tequila, so then I'm doing Irish Car Bombs. Next thing you know, $120 gone like that! (snaps fingers)
Former frat boy #2: Yeah, but you thought you were networking.
–7 Train
Overheard by: Barry
Conductor #1, over PA: This train will make all express stops to Stillwell Avenue.
Conductor #2, over PA: What does that mean?
–Coney Island-bound F train, 4th Ave
Overheard by: I know I’m getting off at 7th Ave., and I don’t even work for MTA!
Guy #1: Dude, you’re fat as shit and getting balder by the minute, you really need to lock her in.
Guy #2: I don’t know man, she is super cool. She’s just so sensitive about everything.
Guy #1: Like what?
Guy #2: I make jokes that she doesn’t understand and gets mad really easily and takes everything so personal.
Guy #1: What do you mean?
Guy #2: Well…I guess she just doesn’t like it when I make fun of her.
–4 train
Crazy stranger: Hey kid, you're a total cunt!
16-year-old: Gee…thanks, mister.
Crazy stranger: No problem. You like chicken?
–6 Train
Teen girl: Don't you like how my bracelet matches my shirt?
Boyfriend: Are you serious? They don't match.
Teen girl: Yes they do! What's wrong with you?
Boyfriend: I'm color blind.
–L Train
Jamaican man, talking to himself: At the next stop I'm going to be white with blue eyes and blond hair.
Trashy, red-lipsticked middle-aged white woman with blue eyes and blonde hair: I can tell you from experience it's not all that.
–Downtown N Train
Overheard by: veronica
Hipster chick: He thought that by “phone sex” I meant “phone hanging out chat time”.
Friend: Bo-ring.
Hipster chick: I basically phone raped him.
–L Train
Girl: He’s like, "Why so cold?" and I’m like, "You licked my ear! You licked my ear! You licked my ear! I cannot emphasize enough that you licked my ear."
–43rd & 9th
Girl on cell: So if he licked my pussy, would it ruin our friendship?
–W 4th Street
Eight-year old boy: Can I please lick your eyeball, mom?
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: thankfully, not the mom
20-something woman talking to friends: So, having some guy really close to your ear with his tongue out is the most horrifying thing ever… Some guy just licked me on the subway. He emptied, like, an entire tube of toothpaste on my hair and back and then proceeded to lick it off me…I got to work and went to the bathroom. I washed my hair, and scrubbed my back raw, but I didn’t feel clean until I got home and took a shower.
–Gift Shop, The Metropolitan Museum of Art
Overheard by: Lauren Weiss
Girl to friend: And then she bent over and he licked her ass.
–Astor Place Subway Station
Overheard by: Shane and Sammy
Pretentious redhead: So I said, "Please don’t lick me. I’m just trying to do my job."
–Uptown E Train
Overheard by: wondering where she works
