Hobo: Yo, man, let me get a bite of that!
Guy eating cheesesteak: Naw, man!
Hobo: Dayummmn… Well, you ain’t gotta eat it that fast!
–Lafayette & Broadway
Hobo: Yo, man, let me get a bite of that!
Guy eating cheesesteak: Naw, man!
Hobo: Dayummmn… Well, you ain’t gotta eat it that fast!
–Lafayette & Broadway
Hobo: I’m looking for ladies with pretty toes. Holla, holla! So come here, mama. I like them big, fat, juicy toes.
–125th & 3rd
Overheard by: Thank God I’m wearing sneakers
Hobo to young tourists: Can you give me 85 bucks to buy a seafood platter?
–55th St, between 6th & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Rose
Hobo: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen… Well, I’m not gonna lie — I wanna get high mothafuckahs!
–Queens-bound N train
Overheard by: Ryan M
Hobo: Sir, can you spare me a hundred dollars for a steak dinner?
–Outside Smith & Wollensky Steakhouse
Hobo: You know, if the pilgrims had killed bobcats instead of turkey, we’d be eating pussy for Thanksgiving.
–C train
Hobo to MTA worker walking by: How you doing? [MTA worker keeps walking.] Alright! Keep on truckin’! [MTA worker leaves train.] Get the fuck outta here! Okay! That’s all I have to say! [Hobo leaves train.]
–7 train
Subway entrepreneur: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, sorry for the interruption. I am homeless and in need of your assistance. If you cannot give, I will not make you feel bad. I will accept anything you can give. [Continues for five minutes, ignored.] Ain’t nobody gonna give? Y’all just a bunch of cheap-ass motherfuckers! [Disembarks.]Sincere child: I thought he said he wouldn’t make us feel bad.
–Myrtle Ave stop
Overheard by: Confused Commuter
Charity worker: Help the homeless! [Androgynous person walks by] Even a pretty girl… boy… whatever-that-was can help!
–Times Square
Chick, wistfully: That was Vadim. He was from St. Petersburg. When we broke up he stole all my dresses.
–A train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Large black security guard, inspecting guy’s Sephora bag: You da man!
–Hayden Planetarium
Pierced 20-ish chick: So, the last time I pegged a guy he wouldn’t stop jabbering on and on about how much he loved trannies. It just made me shove in the strap-on harder.
–Delancey & Orchard
Overheard by: Californian
Guy: I sirred a ma’am today. But, in my defense, she was a very sir-able ma’am.
–33rd & Broadway
Hobo: Miss, do you have a nickel or a dime?
Hot girl: No, I don’t.
Hobo, excitedly: Okay, thanks! Have a great weekend!
–R train
Hobo: Got any change?
Man: No. [Hobo walks away.] You want some of this bread?
Hobo: Naw! I don’t eat that shit!
–3rd & Bleecker
Overheard by: julian
Panhandler: I scored 50 bucks off those assholes today.
Drug dealer: Sweet. You wanna buy some pot?
Panhandler: Yup. Gimme 50 bucks worth.
–St. John’s Pl & Underhill Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: someone who always suspected this
Crazy bag lady: You got any matches, bitch?
Tourist girl: No…
Crazy bad lady: You got a lighter, bitch?
Tourist girl: No, I don’t smoke.
Crazy bad lady: Oh. Then you got any cigarettes, bitch?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: nonsmoker’s friend
AM New York hawker: Have a fantastic morning!
Embittered commuter: Stay away from me!
–7th Ave, E/B/D station
Overheard by: Jatmos
Enormous black woman clutching frantic feral cat: Who’ll gimme a dollar fo’ this kitten? I know one of ya’lls got a dollar fo’ this kitten. You?! You?!
Confused passerby: Didn’t you get that from the vacant lot behind you?
Enormous black woman clutching frantic feral cat: Shut up, fool! Okay… Fitty cent, then!
–West 153rd St
Overheard by: goofopet
