Bored tour guide: Will your son use the gym? Does Satan like team sports?
Parents of shy 17-year-old: Uh. . .our son’s name is “Sie-tahn”. No team sports, but he’s been a life-guard.
Tour guide: Oh, Satan likes to swim?
–Outside Dodge Fitness Center, Columbia University
Woman: Hey, when’s that movie Snakes on a Plane ever gonna come out?
Old man: What? What’s that?
Woman: Maybe it’s just a joke. Like the “L” in Samuel “el” Jackson’s name. I think that’s a joke too, like, what is he? Samuel “the” Jackson?
Old man: Who’s that?
Woman: Just eat your hot dog, dad.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Kershinator
Girl: I mean, I never want to get married. Like… never. But I really want babies. So I guess I’m just going to have a bastard.
–Marquet Cafe, 15 East 12th St
Overheard by: Grace
10-year-old white boy: He thinks all dark people are Osama Bin Laden.
10-year-old brown boy: That is a disgrace to me. I’m not even Hindu, yo.
–24th Ave & 29th St, Astoria
Overheard by: kelly
Little girl around 8 years old: I’m going to kill you.
Little girl #2: You can’t. You don’t have a knife.
Little girl #1: I didn’t mean violently. I meant humorously.
–56th & 6th
Overheard by: Nina
Mother: You know that she has learning disabilities, right? You know what it means when someone has a learning disability?
Eight-year-old girl: I should get myself a lawyer. No one ever tells me anything.
–1 train from 86th
Overheard by: David Lock
Little boy comes up to mom holding a candy bar.
Mom: God! What’s with you and candy? You already had two bars today and now you want two more? Why don’t you buy your own candy? Why do I always have to buy your candy? Get a job, for Christ’s sake!!
–Rite Aid, 110th and Broadway
Little boy: So far, this is the worst day of my life.
Mom: Oh, no. You’re still a small fry.
Little boy: I am not a “small fries!” Why do you keep saying that?
–Bleecker & Christopher
Overheard by: Manhattman
Girl #1: Should I have my baby shower before or after my wedding?
Girl #2: You’d better have it before. You’re going to be really drunk after your wedding.
Girl #1: Yeah, good point. Well, one of them is going to be in July, I know that for sure.
–The Dollar Store
Overheard by: Kim Forbes
Hipster guy on cell: So you like the kid more than the pussy?
–15th & Washington Sq. W
Overheard by: Joelseph Galasso
