Store girl: Here’s your receipt and have a happy holiday!
Store guy: The holidays are over.
Store girl: Valentine’s Day is coming up.
–Mazzone True Value Hardware, Carroll Gardens
Overheard by: Rob
Thug guy: Yo, happy New Year’s, man.
Janitor guy: New Year’s is over, yo.
Thug guy: Happy Mother’s Day!
–Port Authority
God Squad man: Jesus saves! Books $1 only.
Guy: Fuck Jesus.
God Squad man: Fuck your mother…and your father. Jesus saves people. Books, $1.
–34th Street B/D/F/V/N/Q/R/W station
Overheard by: j-mo
Guy #1: We goin’ uptown or downtown?
Guy #2: Nigga, we goin’ sideways.
–L train
Girl: I went to Boston this weekend. Mostly just to avoid the L train.
–Williamsburg
Guy: I can’t believe I was cockblocked by the L train.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Chelsea Miller
Hipster guy: I need a woman to love me so I can alienate her. The love part, that’s where it gets difficult.
Girl #1: Oh, come on. It’s so easy to find a needy bitch.
Girl #2: Have you tried AA?
–Astoria
Girl #1: I haven’t seen our homeless guy lately.
Girl #2: We have a homeless guy?
Girl #1: Yeah, the guy who lives on that mattress under our building.
Girl #2: Oh yeah…I hope he’s okay, I haven’t seen him all week.
Girl #1: You know you’re a New Yorker when you worry about where your homeless guy is.
–27th between 5th & Madison
Overheard by: Lauren Lerner
Guy: Yeah, that’s the first thing I learned when I moved here: don’t eat street meat, it’s probably pigeon or something.
Girl #1: Yeah, I wish I could get my husband to stop eating it.
Girl #2: I don’t care what kind of meat it is as long as it’s in my mouth.
Girl #1: That’s my sister; she’s looking for a hook-up.
Girl #2: No, I’m not!
Guy: I’m married.
–Irving Plaza, Irving Place
Overheard by: Johnny Tremain
Guy: They had to cut off my favorite jeans, and my Mike Tyson’s Punch Out!! hoodie. I was pissed, man. I made that thing myself. I put the pixelated blood on it and everything. I would have said
something, but you know, I was kind of unconscious.
–Canal Street 6 station
Overheard by: Caitlyn Howell
Dad: Did you bring your book?
Teen boy: Yeah.
Dad: Oh good; that way we don’t have to talk.
–Tekserve, West 23rd Street
Overheard by: Bethany Murphy
Teen Asian boy: So, the spelling bee–
Teen Indian girl: Was one of the kids Indian?
Teen Asian boy: Yeah, there was an Indian kid and a white kid.
Teen Indian girl: So typical. My parents entered me in a spelling bee and I was fucking horrible.
Teen Asian boy: Ha, ha, ha! Anyway, there were those two kids and I just wanted to throw PlayStations at them and yell, “I’m setting you free! I’m setting you free!”
–McDonalds, Union Square
Overheard by: Rachel W.
Guy #1: My iPod called me a homo this morning.
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: I had it on shuffle and it played a nonstop string of Rent, Oklahoma, Barbara Streisand, Donna Summer and, best of all, Annie: The Musical.
Guy #2: Wow, you said, “Best of all, Annie.” That’s amazingly gay.
–34th between 7th & 8th
Overheard by: cityhick
