Porn

Wednesday One-Liners Aren’t So Vanilla

Suit on cell: Yeah, I know. Did I tell you about the dominatrix?

–49th & 7th

Little girl, to her mother: But why is the mummy all tied up?

–Egyptian Wing, the Met

Overheard by: Erin Partridge

Hipster woman: So I think my father is into kiddie porn.

–UCBT, 26th & 8th

Overheard by: Tobster

Dude, to his female date: So, do you like to do anal? Come on, you can be honest. You’ve already blown me.

—Calle Ocho, 81st & Columbus

Overheard by: Sara

Girl: I like you. Just not in a toe-up-the-ass way.

–1 train

Overheard by: i like toes

Cute guy: I mean, shit. I was in a threesome with him. He has no right to judge me.

–34th & 8th

She’s Got a Nice Pair of Assets

Guy: Did you hear back from the modeling agency?
Girl: Yeah, it was Foot Fetish Palace. I have to call them back.
Guy: Oh my god you’re in porn?! This is why we’re friends.

–20th between 8th & 9th

Overheard by: I’m just trying to get to the theatre

She’s Thinking of The Pelican Briefs

Teenie girl: Omigod! Idea! Do you want to go rent a movie?
Her much older boyfriend: Sure. Have you seen The Firm?
Teenie girl: What is that, like a porno?

–Hershey store, Times Square

Overheard by: Just wanted some gummy bears

Wednesday One-liners Stock Up on Nair

Man with facial hair: You can only really pull off a Fu Man Chu if you’re a cop, a gay porn star, or a pirate.

–Virgin Records, Times Square

Guy to his girlfriend: You are one hairy bastard

–78th & 1st

He Was Using the Jeff Stryker

Queer clerk: Am I sort of red here? [points at forehead] Chick clerk: Um, no. Well, actually, kinda.
Queer clerk: Yeah, I knew that when his thing hit me there last night, it was going to leave a mark.

–The Pleasure Chest, 7th Ave S

Overheard by: office peon does nyc

As Long as She’s with Her People

Lady hobo: ‘ey, you got the Boys Gone Crazy?
Cashier Dude You mean Girls Gone Wild?
Lady hobo: Yeah man, girls gone crazy, whatever, it’ll do.

–Fantasy World, 7th Ave

No, That’s the Guy Who Did Lord of the Cock Rings

Guy #1: Yeah, he’s a pretty good director… what’s his name again? The hobbit guy?
Guy #2: Uhhh…Peter something…
Guy #1: Yeah, Peter North! I love that guy’s movies.

–AMC Empire 25, Times Square

Not As Good As He Is

Twentysomething girl #1: Why didn’t you go in his room and see if he was home?
Twentysomething girl #2: So I could go in there and see him with his dick out? Porn all over the place, passed out like he exhausted himself? I’m good. No thanks.

–33rd St. PATH train

Overheard by: Teen

Chuck Woolery’s Wednesday One-liners

Chick: Every time Todd talks to a girl he thinks he’s on a date.

–9th Street between 1st & 2nd

I Don’t Care How Cheap the Gay Porn Is

Guy #1: I couldn’t not buy it.
Guy #2: Yeah, I’m thinking about it too. It’s totally worth it.
Guy #1: I mean, there are two real porn stars in it. If it was just one, I could have passed it up.
Guy #2: Yeah, man. But for that price, you almost have to do it!

–4th Avenue between 11th & 12th

Overheard by: Corinne Hears-All

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