Queers

Girl: Is he gay or just Scottish?
Guy: Scottish.

–29th & 7th

Overheard by: Mike Chmiel
Headline by: cdogg Davis

Runners-Up:
· “Aye, What Do Ye Mean, “Just” Scottish?!” – Tim
· “He Could Be Gay On His Mother’s Side” – Dave Barnette
· “But he runs like a Welshman” – Todd
· “Braveheart: The Director’s Cut” – Sam Donsky
· “Larry, Queen of Scots” – Dennis
· “He has a queer accent…” – kenton
· “Have any Scottish in you?” – lizzie
· “Love that wiggle when you walk away” – sumbum
· “It’s funny because it’s true” – this guy
· “He was just Scottish in college” – me
· “The sheep aren’t safe either way” – Chris Crossland
· “The Ambiguity between European and Homosexual Continues….” – Rebecca O
· “Failure to recognize the intersection of overlapping sets prepares to claim two more victims” – Trey Givens
· “French Men Can Now Relax” – Jaffney Roode
· “That’s no way to talk about your mayor. And besides, he’s Jewish.” – Yehuda Berlinger

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

College queer #1, trying to squeeze into seat at crowded table: Oh god, I’m too fat!
College queer #1: No you’re not. Then I wouldn’t be your friend.

–All About Food, NYU

Overheard by: Pri

Frat boy #1: Did you see that?!
Frat boy #2: What?
Frat boy #1: That guy just fucked you with his eyes.

–12th & University

Overheard by: Eyefucker’s straight friend

Guy: Did you hear back from the modeling agency?
Girl: Yeah, it was Foot Fetish Palace. I have to call them back.
Guy: Oh my god you’re in porn?! This is why we’re friends.

–20th between 8th & 9th

Overheard by: I’m just trying to get to the theatre

Suit to other suit: They drive it through the city in milk trucks so that no one will know.

–6th between 55th & 56th

Overheard by: Ann M. Hetzel

Queer on cell: Sunday? Well, I hate to say this out loud on a cell phone where the authorities can hear, but. . . that’s Tonys night.

–Broadway & 33rd, Astoria

Overheard by: lily carver

Guy: I went to high school with you. I was a senior when you were a freshman. I used to look at your pantylines in gym class.

–Kevin St. James, 46th & 8th

Queer clerk: Am I sort of red here? [points at forehead] Chick clerk: Um, no. Well, actually, kinda.
Queer clerk: Yeah, I knew that when his thing hit me there last night, it was going to leave a mark.

–The Pleasure Chest, 7th Ave S

Overheard by: office peon does nyc

Girl: Well, Christy works with three people who are getting sex changes.
Guy: Yeah, but she works at a vegan restaurant.

–Ave A & St. Mark’s Place

Overheard by: jenny wallace

Hipster chick #1: I wish they had a whole pizza made of crust. I would so buy it.
Hipster chick #2: Me, too!
Queer: You mean bread?

–Pino’s La Forchetta, Park Slope

Middle-aged Italian man #1: I’s a-gonna buy dis pickle. It’s been six months since I hadda pickle. I don’t eat no pickles lately.
Middle-aged Italian man #2: Why not?
Middle-aged Italian man #1: I dunno. Every time it’s like I’m-a suckinacock.

–fruit stand near Hamilton & Columbia, Fort Hamilton

Mother to little girl: Eat your vegetables.
Little girl: I’m opposed to vegetables.
Father: Hey, your brother is opposed to dating women, and apparently we’re letting that one slide.

–Jackson Hole, 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Casey girl