NYU girl #1, on cell: What? You got me something at Planned Parenthood?
NYU girl #2: I thought you hadn’t done it yet!
NYU girl #1, on cell: Oh, oh, a button with a wire hanger. With a cross through it.
NYU girl #2: Maybe he’s trying to tell you something.
–10th & 5th
Overheard by: notpoetry
Woman #1: I don’t know how I’m gonna get Bernie to go down on me. I’ve even tried waxing.
Woman #2: Maybe you can tattoo a little Yankees logo down there.
Woman #1: Are you kidding? It would be a holy object. He would kneel and make burnt offerings.
Woman #2: At least he would be kneeling. That’s a start.
–Williamsburg
Teen girl #1: I’m sorry, I’m just paranoid about getting home on time.
Teen girl #2: Pshaw. At least I’m paranoid about good things. I only make myself cry and throw up over boys.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Lotte
Dude #1: Yeah, so it turns out I got pee in my hair for nothing.
Dude #2: Yeah. Huh.
–14th & 3rd
Guy on cell: I swear, I told you beforehand. I told you I was married.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Nicole and Caitlin
Five-year-old: Daddy, how come you ask all those women if they’re married?
–14th & 6th
Overheard by: Caroline McGraw
Woman: I cannot wait ’til the wedding is over so I can go off this fucking diet!
–51st & 6th
Overheard by: jpnyc
Female suit: It’s a funeral, not a wedding, you baboon. Bring your own sandwich.
–59th & 10th
Overheard by: marie
Girl #1: He’s a whore.
Girl #2: A man-slut?
Girl #1: Yeah, but with the same woman for the last five years.
Girl #2: That’s like calling your mom a slut for being married to your dad.
–32nd & Broadway
Overheard by: K.A.
Hipster #1: I had beer for breakfast this morning. Beer and cheese fries. And she had ’em with me! That’s okay, man!
Hipster #2: Yeah, she’s special.
–Chinatown bus
Drunk ex-girlfriend: So what did you tell your friends you were doing tonight?
Frat boy: Going to the Mets game.
Drunk ex-girlfriend: No, really. What did they say?
Frat guy: “Hey, Dave*, what are you doing tonight?” “Going to the Mets game.” “With who?” “My ex.” “She hot?” “I’d do her again, for sure.”
Drunk ex-girlfriend: Oh, that’s so nice.
–Manhattan bound 7 train
Girl: Like, every time I made, like, a life-changing effort to spend time with him, he was an hour and a half late. For stupid reasons, like he fell asleep on the subway and ended up in Queens.
Guy: Yeah, that’s really laid-back.
–56th & 9th
Overheard by: emily
Teenager #1: Guess I’ll have a little summer romance.
Teenager #2: Isn’t she, like, 30?
Teenager #1: No, more like 19 going on 20.
Teenager #2: Oh.
Teenager #1: I guess I’ll go take a dump.
–M11 bus
Overheard by: EriBerryPie
