Loud tourist on silent train: Oh my god. My hands are so dirty from being in Chinatown. This city is the dirtiest place on the planet. If you stuck my hands in a big-ass petri dish, you better believe there would be some monstrous germs on there the next day. Ew, Chinatown smells so bad. Like rotten fish. Why is it so hot here? God, no one in Chinatown has air conditioning. My pits are so smelly. Ugh, I stink. But not worse than Chinatown.
–6 train uptown, Canal St
Girl: [chuckling] You know what’s funny? We always manage to notice how much other people stink but we could never gauge how bad we smell.
Guy: Heh. That’s so true!… Wait, you said that just to tell me how bad I smell.
Girl: Yeah.
–94th & Park
Overheard by: hunter 05
Hipster girl: She was all, “Yeah, Betsy is my best friend,” and I was like, “Best friend? That is so fucking bourgeois.”
–L train
Girl: I know you made it. Look at you. You got a BlackBerry. Yeah, you made it. You got that good-smelling leather.
–Elevator, 12th & 5th
Overheard by: Thirsty Violet
Professor lady: Yes, we’ll be going into debt a lot as the semester goes on.
–Parsons School of Design
Overheard by: Ray
Teen boy: Anyone on this train wanna buy some candy? It’s not for a basketball team or something, it’s for me so I can buy more candy.
–2 train
Overheard by: Sarah
Intercom: Please take a headset before you get on the plane, because they’re free now. They’re actually free once you get on the plane, but I charge $50 labor for bringing them to you once you’re on. So it’s in your best interests to take one now. Can you tell I’m a happy person?
–LaGuardia
Chick: I’m not even gonna try applying for a Gap card; they’ll never give it to me. I don’t know what it is about Gap; they always know if you have bad credit.
–The Gap, 34th & Broadway
Overheard by: Dianora
Tween boy: What do you mean, I can’t get anything? I’m the one with a job.
–Key Food, Park Slope
Overheard by: Shack
Suit: I just wish that, just once, I could walk into the bathroom at work without it smelling like three week old dead hookers.
–8th between 17th & 18th
Girl: Do you smell that? Smells like straight up pussy in this bitch.
Guy: I wouldn’t know.
Girl: What do you mean you wouldn’t know? It’s pussy.
Guy: I wouldn’t know. I’m gay.
Girl: Damn, son. So what does dick smell like?
Guy: Wouldn’t you know? I mean when you get on your knees?
–M14D bus
Overheard by: Janelle Someone
Chick on cell: I guess it’s must be a cultural thing. I mean, maybe it doesn’t smell to them.
–86th & Lexington
Overheard by: LeBrawn
Chick: I got drunk and forgot to take out my last tampon; when the doctor fished it out it was all gray and smelled like Alpo.
–6 train
Little boy: Hey mommy, I just farted on your leg.
Mom: I know. I felt it.
Little boy: Was it warm? Did it stink?
Mom: Shh.
–F train
