Scents of the City

Loud girl, about some smelly hipsters: Damn, them muthafuckas is stank. The power of Christ compel that shit.

–M96 bus

Overheard by: Tommy

Guy near street vendor: Dude, that smell. It always smells like mouse or something.

–51st & Broadway

Overheard by: Atlanta girl

Thug teen, to friend who has just farted: Damn, nigga! Yo’ shit smells like hot dog water!

–L train

Overheard by: lauren cawdrey

Shrewd observer: She just looks like she would smell bad.

–Astoria Blvd, Queens

Ghetto woman on cell: Girl, I knew she would smell like fish the second I saw her!

–23rd & 1st

Girl: It smells like blasphemy!

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: I only smelled mulch

Tattooed chick: It’s Christa. You remember, Christ with an A, because I’m so fucking godlike.

–8th & A

Overheard by: Meredith

Guy: She looks like the female version of Dave, which is a bit disconcerting to me…He looks like traditional representations of Jesus.

–Manhattan bound L train

Overheard by: Philip

Guy: Me and Jesus don’t get along.

–W 30th, between 7th & 8th

Overheard by: Maggie

Femme on cell: So, like, our periods stopped at the same time for two hours so we could have sex and I was like, God loves me. Jesus was clearly gay.

–103rd & Broadway

Middle-Aged lady: Yeah, you can’t go switchin’ churches like that. That’s too many different spirits. You’ll be dealin’ with demons and stuff.

–F train

Overheard by: Yanni

College guy: No, really, dude. The guy’s a full-time, licensed exorcist!

–W 4th St A/C/E uptown platform

Overheard by: EJ

Muscular dude: I am devoted to crack but not to Christ! Please explain that to me. I’m a good crackhead, but I ain’t a good Christian!

–Downtown 1 train

Street vendor: NYU students, you gotta love them. They be going through hell and jumping out of windows and shit.

–Spring & Broadway

Woman: I thought you liked the smell of poop?
Little girl: Only fresh poop!

–118th & Malcolm X

Overheard by: sk

Girl: Paris Hilton has a fragrance?! What’s it supposed to smell like, unwashed crotch?

–Manhattan Mall

Overheard by: Rainey

Mother, passing vendor cart: Wow, that smells good! That’s the only thing here that smells good. That meat could be pussy and, smelling that good, I’d eat it! [They pass a fish stand.] Dammit! My twat smells better than that!!

–Canal St

Overheard by: The Un-Tourist

Lady: Ewww! It smells like someone made a dump!

Bum shrugs.

–Queens Blvd, Forest Hills

Loud tourist on silent train: Oh my god. My hands are so dirty from being in Chinatown. This city is the dirtiest place on the planet. If you stuck my hands in a big-ass petri dish, you better believe there would be some monstrous germs on there the next day. Ew, Chinatown smells so bad. Like rotten fish. Why is it so hot here? God, no one in Chinatown has air conditioning. My pits are so smelly. Ugh, I stink. But not worse than Chinatown.

–6 train uptown, Canal St

Girl: [chuckling] You know what’s funny? We always manage to notice how much other people stink but we could never gauge how bad we smell.
Guy: Heh. That’s so true!… Wait, you said that just to tell me how bad I smell.
Girl: Yeah.

–94th & Park

Overheard by: hunter 05

Hipster girl: She was all, “Yeah, Betsy is my best friend,” and I was like, “Best friend? That is so fucking bourgeois.”

–L train

Girl: I know you made it. Look at you. You got a BlackBerry. Yeah, you made it. You got that good-smelling leather.

–Elevator, 12th & 5th

Overheard by: Thirsty Violet

Professor lady: Yes, we’ll be going into debt a lot as the semester goes on.

–Parsons School of Design

Overheard by: Ray

Teen boy: Anyone on this train wanna buy some candy? It’s not for a basketball team or something, it’s for me so I can buy more candy.

–2 train

Overheard by: Sarah

Intercom: Please take a headset before you get on the plane, because they’re free now. They’re actually free once you get on the plane, but I charge $50 labor for bringing them to you once you’re on. So it’s in your best interests to take one now. Can you tell I’m a happy person?

–LaGuardia

Chick: I’m not even gonna try applying for a Gap card; they’ll never give it to me. I don’t know what it is about Gap; they always know if you have bad credit.

–The Gap, 34th & Broadway

Overheard by: Dianora

Tween boy: What do you mean, I can’t get anything? I’m the one with a job.

–Key Food, Park Slope

Overheard by: Shack

Suit: I just wish that, just once, I could walk into the bathroom at work without it smelling like three week old dead hookers.

–8th between 17th & 18th