Teen girl #1: Does my smell really bother you that much?
Teen girl #2: It’s like raw sewage. Or a diaper that’s been sitting a real long time.
–6 train
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Teen girl #1: Does my smell really bother you that much?
Teen girl #2: It’s like raw sewage. Or a diaper that’s been sitting a real long time.
–6 train
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
British hipster: Is that your feet I smell?
British bimbo: No, it’s my fuckin’ pussy!
–Duane Reade, 2nd St & Ave B
Hobo falls asleep on hipster girl and breathes in her face — she gags.
Hipster friend: What’s wrong?
Hipster girl: I just saw hell, and it smells like Taco Bell.
–4 train
Overheard by: I could smell it too
Corporate worker #1: Did you smell the gas leak this morning?
Corporate worker #2: No… Where was it? I didn’t smell anything. I wish I was there. I would have lit a match on my clothes so I wouldn’t have to quit my job.
–50th & Broadway
Overheard by: criska
Teacher, after taking pencil from a student as part of a demonstration: Man, I just love stealing stuff from you kids!
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Liz
Ghetto teen looking at chick hiding her iPod: Don’t worry, I’m not gonna steal that shit. She thinks I’m gonna steal that shit. I should just steal that shit to spite her. Shit.
–B1 bus
Overheard by: Anti-Traffic Girl
Nerdy kid answering cell: Hello? Hello?! Hello! What?! No! No, I didn’t steal Max’s wallet! No!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Now deaf in my right ear
Guy selling watches on street: Come on, everyone, you need a watch. The best in the city, stolen from all your favorite warehouses.
–53rd & 7th
Man to lady: You lyin’, stealin’, your feet stink, and you don’t believe in Jesus.
–Target, Atlantic Center
Guy to girlfriend: …So I had to steal from them so that I could protect them.
–72nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Surfer Dude #1
Professor: Stealing is good, okay? Plagiarism is bad, but stealing is very, very good.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Lili
Woman #1: So I had to go over there because his super called to say there was an odor coming out of his apartment.
Woman #2: What kind of odor? Gas or dead hooker?
–89th & 2nd
Overheard by: Tangerine
Woman to young son: That’s not a superhero, that’s a rat.
–Subway station, 116th & Lenox
Conductor on loudspeaker: Stand clear of the closing doors. Do not hold the doors or else you will be bitten by a rat!
–A train
Overheard by: Jake
Mother to child: Don’t do that or I’m going to throw you in the sewer… with the rats and the alligators.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Thompson
Guy holding four-year-old: Damn, this mothafucka smells like rat ass and monkey nuts.
–2 train, Fulton & Nassau
Man: They call it ‘rat poison,’ but it could just as easily be called ‘husband poison.’
–Near Fat Black Pussycat, W 3rd St
Overheard by: Leslie G.
Man on cell: So, what have you been up to, besides running a sperm bank?
–Chinatown bus
Yuppie: So he shot some sperm in my mouth, and I ate it.
–3rd Ave
Overheard by: renata
Woman on cell: I know! And the only thing insurance doesn’t cover is the sperm!
–20th & 5th
Overheard by: I want to get on her plan
Queer: He got sweat in my eyes, cum in my nose, and shit on my dick.
–1 train
Man on cell: It looked like he was covered in jizz. Giant jizz. Like giant, Paul Bunyan-jizz.
–5th Ave
NYU chick: So then I realized that I had cum on my breath! And what would he think of that?
–Waverly & Broadway
Freshman: So what if you occasionally jizz in your pants?
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Rachel Hoban
Girl: Do you think I should have a party?
Mother: No, no one would come.
Girl: Why not?
Mother: Because you smell.
–Jamba Juice, Times Square
Guy: But I have to say that 93% of the time I smell good.
–West Building, Hunter College
Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie
Butch lesbian: Damn, now that’s the stank I’m talkin’ about. It smells like ass in here!
–Lexington/51St subway station
Girl on cell: Ok, I’ll meet you for coffee, but I need to stop and get some deodorant, because apparently, according to my entire Spanish class, I stink.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: keeping my distance
Ghetto girl: Tanise, what kind of funk are tryin’ to hide with that stink?
–42nd & 8th Avenue
Overheard by: Lauri
Ghetto Girl: If my pussy stank I’d kill myself. My pussy ain’t never stank.
–1 train
Overheard by: Josh H
Little boy: You smell like piss!
–Medieval Festival, Fort Tryon Park
Overheard by: Jenny
Yuppie woman: He’s 14! That’s old enough to recognize the smell of burning human flesh!
–Broadway, between 11th St & 12th St
Overheard by: Are We There Yet?
