Scents of the City

Wednesday One-Liners Are the Subway and the Subtruth and the Sublife

Girl: I never get into empty cars anymore. Last time I did there was a dead guy laying there, and I was stuck with that smell in my nose all day.

–Subway platform, South Ferry

Overheard by: annikee

Man to wife: What, you want to keep riding the train back and forth? I did that shit once. It was the most boring experience of my entire life!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: soixantedeux

Chick after V train passes through the station: There’s a runaway V train and people are still on it!

–C/E platform, 23rd St

Girl: Whenever I’m on the subway all I can think about is sex!

–NYU

Overheard by: ana

Announcer: There is a Bronx-bound one train approaching 34th Street.

–14th St station

Overheard by: Glad to know where the train I missed is

Mom to small child: Do you know if the trains are running express today, or will we have to take the local all the way down?

–W 93rd St

Tourist girl: Waaait… Is this the bus?

–E train, Queens

Overheard by: MegMC

Noxious Wednesday One-Liners

Teacher to student: Want to come into my office and smell my computer?

–Room B-436, FIT

Overheard by: ivy270

Conductor: We apologize to our patrons for the stale bread smell that passengers from our connecting train brought with them. We will be distributing pine fresheners to out patrons shortly.

–LIRR to Penn Station

College chick: My vagina smells like buttered popcorn.

–Starbucks, 7th Ave S

Dude on cell: Wow, I almost feel like I can smell you… Or maybe I’m just really, really hungry.

–Canal & Lafayette

Overheard by: Cameron

Woman whispers to man next to her: Alright, now come smell my vagina in the bathroom.

–Metro-North train

Overheard by: Deb

Teen thug to thugette: Man, this train smells like three kinds of ass!

–F train

Overheard by: Mike

Hobo to two bitchy JAPs: You think I stink now? Just wait — I’m about to take my shoes off.

–A train

Some Telemarketers Will Try Anything

Crazy guy: Have you ever sniffed some good ass?
Suit: Huh?
Crazy guy: Have you ever smelled some really good asshole?
Suit: I would say… yes, I have. But I don’t really want to discuss it with you, okay?

–E 42nd & 5th

Overheard by: Big Larry

Headline by: space coyote

Runners-Up:

· “It’s Between Me and My Mother” – King of the Jews

· “It’s really more a question of taste…” – Rusty

· “Not now, Dad.” – again.

· “Wall Street’s Don’t Sniff and Tell policy” – Ceetar

· “What Happens at an HMO-covered Therapy Session” – Barry Negrin


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Clearly I Missed All the Good Episodes

Ghetto boy #1: It smells like… It smells like hot sex in space.
Ghetto boy #2: O.D.! This ain’t no Star Trek shit!

–16th & 1st

Overheard by: Vulcan

Now a Signature Perfume!

Teen girl #1: Does my smell really bother you that much?
Teen girl #2: It’s like raw sewage. Or a diaper that’s been sitting a real long time.

–6 train

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

In Folly Ripe, in Reason Rotten

British hipster: Is that your feet I smell?
British bimbo: No, it’s my fuckin’ pussy!

–Duane Reade, 2nd St & Ave B

And Feet

Hobo falls asleep on hipster girl and breathes in her face — she gags.

Hipster friend: What’s wrong?
Hipster girl: I just saw hell, and it smells like Taco Bell.

–4 train

Overheard by: I could smell it too

Are You on Fire? We May Have a Position for You!

Corporate worker #1: Did you smell the gas leak this morning?
Corporate worker #2: No… Where was it? I didn’t smell anything. I wish I was there. I would have lit a match on my clothes so I wouldn’t have to quit my job.

–50th & Broadway

Overheard by: criska

Steal This Wednesday One-Liner!

Teacher, after taking pencil from a student as part of a demonstration: Man, I just love stealing stuff from you kids!

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Liz

Ghetto teen looking at chick hiding her iPod: Don’t worry, I’m not gonna steal that shit. She thinks I’m gonna steal that shit. I should just steal that shit to spite her. Shit.

–B1 bus

Overheard by: Anti-Traffic Girl

Nerdy kid answering cell: Hello? Hello?! Hello! What?! No! No, I didn’t steal Max’s wallet! No!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Now deaf in my right ear

Guy selling watches on street: Come on, everyone, you need a watch. The best in the city, stolen from all your favorite warehouses.

–53rd & 7th

Man to lady: You lyin’, stealin’, your feet stink, and you don’t believe in Jesus.

–Target, Atlantic Center

Guy to girlfriend: …So I had to steal from them so that I could protect them.

–72nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Surfer Dude #1

Professor: Stealing is good, okay? Plagiarism is bad, but stealing is very, very good.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Lili

Or a Dead Hooker’s Gas?

Woman #1: So I had to go over there because his super called to say there was an odor coming out of his apartment.
Woman #2: What kind of odor? Gas or dead hooker?

–89th & 2nd

Overheard by: Tangerine

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